Alan Yu, a former Lieutenant Colonel in the Taiwanese Army, has uncovered a worldwide plot that will shock people across the globe. Be Warned! By reading this article, you are consenting to putting yourself at risk for surveillance and attacks by a worldwide army of Tiny Invisible Men. Websurdity will not be held responsible for the actions of these menacing Lilliputians.

Mr. Yu’s research has revealed that sometime after World War II, the United States and several of its allies conspired to create a worldwide “life control system” with which they can manipulate the entire world. The cornerstone technology of this system is Invisibility Technology. This technology is so advanced and dangerous that intelligence agencies around the world have conspired to keep it secret, so they can use it to destroy their enemies and control the planet. Describing the technical aspects of the technology, Mr. Yu writes, “This invisibility technology, which is created with an electromagnetic field (EMF), has some very unique characteristics. It not only renders a person carrying equipment invisible, but it also causes him to levitate (floating like an astronaut in zero gravity) and become as tiny as a small ant (the same things also happen to the equipment).” If an invisible, ant-sized man does not sound threatening, think again. Through the use of propulsion packs, these anti-sized men can fly, carry various mind control devices, and can “enter a target’s anus to damage one’s excretory system, or secretly enter one’s mouth to damage one’s tooth.” So if you thought anal probing was solely the territory of aliens – you were wrong.

Unfortunately, Mr. Yu’s extensive research has not gone unnoticed by this tiny, malevolent Army. Due to his attempt to expose them via his website and by writing letters to public officials, he has been targeted by these evil Oompa-Loompas. A letter posted on his website describes their many attempts to thwart his campaign, and warns them and their unseen brethren against any further criminal activities against him.

Note: I really debated putting this up here because this guy sounds like he may literally be mentally ill. I am sure there is a fine line between being a paranoid conspiracy theory believer and actually having a real mental illness, but his talk of invisible men trying to kill him is kind of disturbing. Since he has not updated his page since 2005, I hope he has gotten some kind of help, if he does actually have a mental illness.