Websurdity Link: Psychic Space Clearing Meditation

If you’re like me, after a long day of work, your psychic space is a complete mess. Socks hanging on my aura, papers stacked from the bottom of my soul to the top, chakras clogged with filth, unwashed dishes in the core of my being; it’s a real pig sty. Thankfully, Ariannon has developed a way to get rid of the psychic clutter, and give your spirit a sparkling shine – and in just 9 easy steps.

Step 1: Get some time to yourself. Close your psychic doors and windows, and don’t let anyone know you are home. This is vital. You can’t let yourself be distracted by telekinesis calls from friends, psychic noise from your neighbors, or anything else.

Step 2: Relax, take 3 deep breaths, and request that your highest guides be with you. Be aware that you may have to make an appointment ahead of time, as the highest guides are extremely busy and may not be available for house calls. I would at least call ahead, just to be safe.

Step 3: Picture a rose with a long stem in front of you, one behind you, one on either side, one above your head, and one just under your feet. The roses can be open or closed. Try not to picture any scene from American Beauty. Big distraction. Also, watch out for thorns.

Step 4: Direct your attention to your feet. Imagine roots of a tree coming out of the bottom of your feet, through the rock, all the way to the center of the Earth. Let the Earth’s energy come up through your feet into your pelvis. When it gets there, make it do a 180 and head back into the Earth. It’ll come back up in a few minutes. Trust me.

Step 5: See, I told you. Now let it run to the top of your head. Imagining the top of your head opening, and feel the Light Energy of your Highest Self moving back down your body. Reaching your Highest Self may take a long time for those over 6 feet tall, so be prepared for a long and extremely boring wait. You might want to bring a book or magazine for this part.

Step 6: When Step 5 is finally finished, let the Light Energy from your Highest Self mix with the Earth Energy. This next part is a little weird: the energy is going to come out of your head like a fountain and spray all over the damn place – it’s something like the Pepsi and Mentos videos that are all over YouTube. Make sure you have a towel handy. If you have a lot of Light Energy, it might be a good idea to put a tarp down. If you don’t, you risk completely soaking your psychic space. If that happens, you’ll have to air it out to prevent mildew. Not much fun.

Step 7: Step 7 is really the same as step 6. Let the energy flow out of the top of your head for at least 3-5 minutes. Don’t rush this. The last thing you want is to think you are finished, and then have another stream come out. I also suggest shaking your head 2 to 3 times to get the last few drops.

Step 8: If you feel completely spent, let the Light energy and Earth energy separate. Also make sure you close the top of your head and the bottom of your feet after all the energy is gone. It’d be pretty embarrassing if you left your psychic space with your ends exposed.

Step 9: Remember those roses? They should be fully in bloom in your auric garden. If they aren’t in bloom or are dead, just imagine they are alive. They’ll still be dead, but at least you won’t feel like a loser.

As an alternative to the 9-step process, if you are too busy to clean your psychic space yourself, you can always just hire a psychic maid. They’ll come by 3 times a week for $50, and will probably do a better job.

Make sure you come back for next week’s topic, Cleaning Your Psychic Commode: Which Auric Bowl Cleaner is Right For You?