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Archive for November, 2006

Kim Jong Il Sighting!

Kim Jong Il is one of the world’s most elusive and reclusive leaders, but we figure he must take time to get out of the country. We have already covered, in our review of his biography, his love of film and art. Thus, it should come as no surprise that it appears Kim has at least one more film credit on his resume.


Here is this seemingly ordinary scene from The Return of the Jedi.


Ewoks in The Return of the Jedi


But when you zoom in a little closer…


Kim Jong Il... The Ewok?


Websurdity is dedicated to providing the world with as much information as possible about this unique individual. If you have seen Kim Jong Il in a film, at a concert, at the circus, or anywhere else out and about in the world, e-mail us at kimjongilsighting@websurdity.com. We will investigate the claim thoroughly and post whatever information we find.

Behavioral Problems, Attention Defecit Disorder, Bullying, Self-Centeredness: Signs Your Child Could Be Blessed With Universal Wisdom

Websurdity Links: IndigoChild.com o IndigoChild.Net o IndigoMoms.com

In the 1990 film Problem Child, starring the late John Ritter and the never-tiresome Gilbert Gottfried, Ritter’s character, a pleasant wanna-be family man , adopts a 7 year-old boy, “Junior,” with the hopes of raising a chip-off-the-old-block son. Instead, Junior turns out to be an incorrigible brat who wreaks havoc on everything he comes across. Junior’s kooky antics result in much hilarity, and in the end, everyone learns a lesson about the importance of family and love. We see that Junior was just a lonely boy who needed a caring father to set him straight. Everybody has probably met a “Junior” at some point. Unlike the movie, however, in real life these children often need more than the guiding hand of a father or mother. Nowadays, a child like Junior would be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or maybe even autism. If Junior were a real person in 2006, he would likely be taking Ritalin, Dexedrine, or other medication to even out his moods.


As it turns out, however, both the movie and the medical establishment are wrong. All of our approaches to dealing with these seemingly uncontrollable tots – be it spankings, “time out,” or medication – are incorrect, because these children are not problem children at all. In fact, they are here to save us. So put down your bible, hang up your torah, or set aside your Quran, and find yourself a child who drives everyone nuts – find your own “Junior.” He has come to show you the path to “a new world consciousness,” if you are willing to see it.


Dubbed “Indigo Children” due to their deep blue aura, these children are here to, as one prominent website endorsed by model Jenny McCarthy (who has a “crystal child” of her own) puts it, “…help create a whole new paradigm, where we live in a world of integrity, compassion and unity.” Indigo Children are “Spiritual Warriors,” who have “…Universal wisdom, Divine knowledge and a clear vision of perfection.” To put it in plain, layman’s terms, they are Light Beings who have been born to guide us to a new level of evolution.


You may be asking yourself: how do I know if I my child is an Indigo Child? There are several ways of identifying Indigo Children. The most obvious way would be to simply look at their aura. If it’s Indigo, then you have an Indigo Child! But for those of you without an aural spectrometer ($99.99 at Macy’s), there are indirect ways of knowing. Indigo Children were born between the 1970’s and the 1990’s, except for the ones who weren’t. Some traits of Indigo Children include resentment of authority, impatience for discipline and rules, “an almost regal sense of entitlement,” and having lots of energy. Indigo Children are so advanced compared to everyone else that they frequently act with aggression, anger, and destruction. Conversely, they may also become withdrawn, depressed, and introverted. In other words, if you have a well-behaved, well-balanced child with few emotional or psychological problems, he/she is definitely not an Indigo Child, and does not have any special connection with the divine. However, if your child is a constant pain in the neck, frequently gets in trouble or starts fights, and/or acts like the world revolves around him/her, you are very likely dealing with a super-enlightened being.


The Indigo Children Education Plan ProposalAnother textbook sign of an Indigo Child is his/her attitude toward education. Unlike regular children who look forward to learning world history and long division, Indigos think school is a complete waste of time, and would prefer not to go. But don’t worry: they aren’t being lazy. Rather, Indigos have “a newer, and more advanced version of education” which is part of their blueprint to change the world. Websurdity has conducted an informal study of this new education system. As best as we can tell, it involves large amounts of candy and soda, and a Playstation 2. Sources also indicated that many Indigo Children are attempting to upgrade their curriculum to include the X-Box 360 and the Nintendo Wii.


If, after reading this article, you find that your child is an Indigo, Websurdity recommends several actions for you to take to encourage your child’s gift. The first thing you need to do is to change your own way of thinking. Remember: your child may be 5, 7, or 10 years old in Earth-years, but his/her soul possesses more wisdom than you can imagine. Your child is here to show you, and the world, the path to enlightenment. You may be his/her parent biologically, but your child knows more than you do, due to his/her connection with the “God-source.” As such, we submit that rather than attempting to force your child to conform to societal norms, you ought to indulge his/her behavior in order to nurture the gift – even if you don’t understand it. As one website writes, “The more open-minded you are, the more you support your Indigo’s free spirit. They usually know what they need.” For example, you may not think your child needs every Barbie Doll at Toys R’ Us, or a $150 pair of Nike shoes that he/she will grow out of in a couple of months. Your instinct might be to say “No.” But think of it this way: who the hell do you think you are? Do you have a connection with the God-source? If not, then I suggest you buy the damn shoes and smile while doing it. The Indigo Children will tell you what they need. “No” is not a word that advanced spiritual beings like to hear.


Proposed Changes to the U.S. 1 dollar bill
Websurdity would like to take a moment to honor the world’s Indigo Children, wherever they are. Being aware of your unique spiritual gifts, I would like to extend my invitation for you to cut in front of me in line, spill your drinks on me, and kick the back of my seat on airplanes or busses. Whatever is necessary to help you with your divine spiritual quest, I am at your disposal. God bless.

In the News…

Note: Updates will be sparse in the next few weeks, as I will be away and without access to the Internet (or time to do updates). There will probably be a few updates around the end of November, and the beginning of December, and then very little until Christmas. After Christmas, I will be able to update regularly again.

Bending the Spoons of Dictators Everywhere
Uri Geller is not just a master at mutilating silverware. He also, apparently, has contacts at high levels of the U.S. government. According to Geller, the Soldiers who found Saddam Hussein two years ago were acting on a tip from a psychic “viewer” employed by the U.S. government. His proof? He doesn’t really have any (what a shock!). He only says that he got his information from a “high-level source involved in US paranormal programs.” It’s good to see Mr. Geller and people with similar abilities are donating their skills to the war. If there is one thing that keeps me up nights, it’s the idea that terrorists and/or murderous dictators are being allowed to use unbent eating utensils.
Psychic ‘tip’ found deposed tyrant


Screw Religion, Philosophy, and Science. Your Ticket to Enlightenment: the Number 11
Twice a day, it is 11:11. Unless you are in the military, in which case it only happens once a day. If you are, that is a shame, because you are missing out on a possible spiritual awakening brought about by the magical properties of the number 11. According to a psychic interviewed in this article, “11-11 means a wake up call. Whenever you see 11-11 on a clock, or in a store receipt, or anything, it means you’re being called to see what your purpose is on this earth. “ So true. Last night, on November 11th, at 11:11 pm, I had a sudden craving for curry rice. And it just so happens that earlier today, I ordered some curry rice from a nearby Indian restaurant. I ate it, and it was quite good, even reheated in the microwave. The point? I haven’t figured it out yet, but I have no doubt that the universe was communicating to me in some way. After all, if 11:11 is a magical time, then 11:11 on 11/11 must be at least twice as magical. Or maybe it is 1111 to the 1111th power magical. I’m not sure how the math works, exactly. Either way, the universe communicated to me something very, very powerful about my purpose on this planet. And it has something to do with chicken curry. I am going to set all the clocks in my house to read 11:11 every day, all the time. That way, I will be in a constant state of enlightenment, and may some day receive an answer to the mystery of the chicken curry.
What’s The True Meaning Behind ‘Spirit Numbers?’


Breaking News: Psychic Not Even Close to Naming Killer
The father of a murdered girl sought the assistance of famed psychic Sylvia Browne to track down the man who killed his daughter. Sylvia’s prognostication: the murderer was a white male, in his 30’s, and his name was Bill or Billy. Currently on trial for the murder: Michael Keith Moore, a 31 year-old Texan. Browne made this prediction on Montel in February of 2003, when Moore was 27 (born 10/5/75), so she was wrong about him being in his 30’s. Out of three names, there wasn’t anything close to Bill or Billy. There wasn’t even a William. And California? Nope. In other words, the results of Ms. Browne’s brilliant psychic powers: she was correct about the killer being a white male. James van Praagh also took a shot at this case, as did several other psychics. How was the killer caught? He contacted police and confessed. Incidentally, the father of the victim wrote in his blog that regardless of whether Browne was right or wrong, he was glad to get his daughter’s case on the Montel show, which is watched by 3 million people. I can’t knock that reasoning at all. I don’t think anyone would do it differently. It is a shame, though, that it took an appearance by a psychic to get that kind of audience for a missing girl.
Psychics Have Tried To See Answers In Rachel Cooke Case


Government Raises Extraterrestrial Threat Level to ‘Pretty Fucking Unlikely’
Nick Pope, an official in the British Ministry of Defense who was formerly in charge of Britain’s “X-Files,” has warned the public about the possibility of an alien invasion. Although he says there is no evidence of hostile intent from extraterrestrials, he goes on to warn that it “cannot be ruled out in the future,” and that “…you cannot rule out that what is happening is some kind of covert reconnaissance.” He is concerned that we are ignoring the possibility, and leaving ourselves “wide open” to invasion. Note to Mr. Pope: if extraterrestrials have the technology to travel thousands of light years and probe our planet virtually undetected for decades, the chances of us stopping them from invading are probably pretty slim. I am sure they have already seen both Independence Day and War of the Worlds, and have updated the virus protection on their computers, put a tracking device on Jeff Goldblum, and installed good air filtration systems to guard against Earth’s deadly microbes. If you want to protect yourself, might I suggest the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie. It’ll probably be about as effective as anything else we have.
EARTH: WE’RE WIDE OPEN TO ALIEN ATTACK: UFO expert wants probes into sightings


Jesus in an Uncomfortable Place
He has appeared on grilled cheese sandwiches, doors, burnt pieces of wood, frozen burritos, and now on the rear end of a dog. The dog, named Angus MacDougall, clearly has the image of the Lord and Savior imprinted on his buttocks. A miracle if their ever was one, this only goes to show that you never know where he may appear. He may even be on your derriere. When was the last time you looked at your ass in the mirror? If you ever needed an excuse, this is it. (Before anyone asks, yes I know this claim is a joke).
Jesus image appears on dog


Evolution Slaps the Hell Out of Creationism
More good news from Ohio: in the recent elections for the Ohio Board of Education, pro-evolution candidates spanked the anti-evolution candidates, ensuring that last month’s pro-evolution vote will hold for several more years. Kudos to the people of Ohio for picking science over nonsense.
Voters pick proponents of evolution for board


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