Note: Updates will be sparse in the next few weeks, as I will be away and without access to the Internet (or time to do updates). There will probably be a few updates around the end of November, and the beginning of December, and then very little until Christmas. After Christmas, I will be able to update regularly again.

Bending the Spoons of Dictators Everywhere
Uri Geller is not just a master at mutilating silverware. He also, apparently, has contacts at high levels of the U.S. government. According to Geller, the Soldiers who found Saddam Hussein two years ago were acting on a tip from a psychic “viewer” employed by the U.S. government. His proof? He doesn’t really have any (what a shock!). He only says that he got his information from a “high-level source involved in US paranormal programs.” It’s good to see Mr. Geller and people with similar abilities are donating their skills to the war. If there is one thing that keeps me up nights, it’s the idea that terrorists and/or murderous dictators are being allowed to use unbent eating utensils.
Psychic ‘tip’ found deposed tyrant

Screw Religion, Philosophy, and Science. Your Ticket to Enlightenment: the Number 11
Twice a day, it is 11:11. Unless you are in the military, in which case it only happens once a day. If you are, that is a shame, because you are missing out on a possible spiritual awakening brought about by the magical properties of the number 11. According to a psychic interviewed in this article, “11-11 means a wake up call. Whenever you see 11-11 on a clock, or in a store receipt, or anything, it means you’re being called to see what your purpose is on this earth. “ So true. Last night, on November 11th, at 11:11 pm, I had a sudden craving for curry rice. And it just so happens that earlier today, I ordered some curry rice from a nearby Indian restaurant. I ate it, and it was quite good, even reheated in the microwave. The point? I haven’t figured it out yet, but I have no doubt that the universe was communicating to me in some way. After all, if 11:11 is a magical time, then 11:11 on 11/11 must be at least twice as magical. Or maybe it is 1111 to the 1111th power magical. I’m not sure how the math works, exactly. Either way, the universe communicated to me something very, very powerful about my purpose on this planet. And it has something to do with chicken curry. I am going to set all the clocks in my house to read 11:11 every day, all the time. That way, I will be in a constant state of enlightenment, and may some day receive an answer to the mystery of the chicken curry.
What’s The True Meaning Behind ‘Spirit Numbers?’

Breaking News: Psychic Not Even Close to Naming Killer
The father of a murdered girl sought the assistance of famed psychic Sylvia Browne to track down the man who killed his daughter. Sylvia’s prognostication: the murderer was a white male, in his 30’s, and his name was Bill or Billy. Currently on trial for the murder: Michael Keith Moore, a 31 year-old Texan. Browne made this prediction on Montel in February of 2003, when Moore was 27 (born 10/5/75), so she was wrong about him being in his 30’s. Out of three names, there wasn’t anything close to Bill or Billy. There wasn’t even a William. And California? Nope. In other words, the results of Ms. Browne’s brilliant psychic powers: she was correct about the killer being a white male. James van Praagh also took a shot at this case, as did several other psychics. How was the killer caught? He contacted police and confessed. Incidentally, the father of the victim wrote in his blog that regardless of whether Browne was right or wrong, he was glad to get his daughter’s case on the Montel show, which is watched by 3 million people. I can’t knock that reasoning at all. I don’t think anyone would do it differently. It is a shame, though, that it took an appearance by a psychic to get that kind of audience for a missing girl.
Psychics Have Tried To See Answers In Rachel Cooke Case

Government Raises Extraterrestrial Threat Level to ‘Pretty Fucking Unlikely’
Nick Pope, an official in the British Ministry of Defense who was formerly in charge of Britain’s “X-Files,” has warned the public about the possibility of an alien invasion. Although he says there is no evidence of hostile intent from extraterrestrials, he goes on to warn that it “cannot be ruled out in the future,” and that “…you cannot rule out that what is happening is some kind of covert reconnaissance.” He is concerned that we are ignoring the possibility, and leaving ourselves “wide open” to invasion. Note to Mr. Pope: if extraterrestrials have the technology to travel thousands of light years and probe our planet virtually undetected for decades, the chances of us stopping them from invading are probably pretty slim. I am sure they have already seen both Independence Day and War of the Worlds, and have updated the virus protection on their computers, put a tracking device on Jeff Goldblum, and installed good air filtration systems to guard against Earth’s deadly microbes. If you want to protect yourself, might I suggest the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie. It’ll probably be about as effective as anything else we have.
EARTH: WE’RE WIDE OPEN TO ALIEN ATTACK: UFO expert wants probes into sightings

Jesus in an Uncomfortable Place
He has appeared on grilled cheese sandwiches, doors, burnt pieces of wood, frozen burritos, and now on the rear end of a dog. The dog, named Angus MacDougall, clearly has the image of the Lord and Savior imprinted on his buttocks. A miracle if their ever was one, this only goes to show that you never know where he may appear. He may even be on your derriere. When was the last time you looked at your ass in the mirror? If you ever needed an excuse, this is it. (Before anyone asks, yes I know this claim is a joke).
Jesus image appears on dog

Evolution Slaps the Hell Out of Creationism
More good news from Ohio: in the recent elections for the Ohio Board of Education, pro-evolution candidates spanked the anti-evolution candidates, ensuring that last month’s pro-evolution vote will hold for several more years. Kudos to the people of Ohio for picking science over nonsense.
Voters pick proponents of evolution for board