Websurdity Link: This article was inspired by the fine users at the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF) Forum, to whom I am indebted for the use of much of this material.

We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.

Like many citizens of the Empire, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.

Presented here are some of the results of my soul-searching regarding this painful event. Like many citizens, I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem.

Below is a summary of my book, Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack, which presents compelling evidence that we all may be the victims of a fraud of immense proportions.


Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

Websurdity Link: Shelley the Republican

Firefox has become a trendy browser alternative to Microsoft Internet Explorer in the past few years. Although it is still far behind its Bill Gates-borne brethren, it has acquired a solid following among computer-savvy users due to its speed, security, and large number of available plugins.

There may, however, be a darker side to the Firefox Browser — one “they” don’t want you to know about: Firefox is the browser of choice for Satan himself! First exposed by a reviewer on the blog Shelley the Republican, this Satanic connection to Firefox involves a hidden message in the browser, a mysterious satanic ‘Book of Mozilla,’ and possibly a conspiracy that reaches its tentacles across the globe.

While monitoring a hacker chat room, the reviewer noted a hacker advising people to type the words ‘about:mozilla’ into the Firefox browser. The reviewer did the same, and was greeted with a Satanic passage from the treatise, the ‘Book of Mozilla.’ The passage reads as follows:

And so at least the beast fell and the unbelievers rejoiced. But all was not lost, for from the ash rose a great bird. The bird gazed down upon the unbelievers and cast fire and thunder upon them. For the beast had been reborn with its strength renewed, and the followers of Mammon cowered in horror.

The reviewer was unable to track down a copy the ‘Book of Mozilla’ himself, so he enacted a devious, yet brilliant plan: he infiltrated another hacker chat room, developing an instant rapport with its user base by identifying himself as “…a homosexual anti-American computer hacker just like you .” Immediately endeared to their fellow homosexual anti-American computer hacker, the users in the chat room divulged some key information: the Book of Mozilla was written by none other than the mad Arab, Abdul Alhazred, famed author of the Necronomicon, and is hand-bound in human hide!

Though continued efforts to obtain an actual copy of the Book of Mozilla have failed, it is clear that it is an inspiration for the Firefox browser, and that its promise of “open-source software” is nothing but an attempt to take over the minds of Jesus-loving Americans, and thrust this heathen religion upon us.

If you are a good Christian and love freedom, you must reject Satan in all of his forms, be it temptation, demonic possession, or stable, speedy, free web browsers. Ask yourself: what would Jesus do? I think the answer is clear: Jesus would use Internet Explorer.

Because nothing says Christian like a multibillion-dollar corporation.

For Sale: One photo of Jesus in a flowing gown (copy, without the weird white rectangle). Starting Bid: $9.95. Seller’s friend took this picture 25 years ago while riding in a 747 airplane. According to the seller, “you can CLEARLY see A FULL OUTLINE of JESUS in his flowing gown…” By you, he wasn’t referring to me. Probably not to you either. In fact, by “you” I think he was referring to himself. Because I can’t see a damn thing. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: ??????

For Sale: Photograph of Jesus. Starting Bid: $20.00. Seller very succinctly describes this item as such: “jesus after a storm.” Vivid. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: Gandalf

For Sale: One Virgin Mary aluminum foil. Starting Bid: $.99. The seller discovered this astonishing image of the Virgin Mary after making a batch of cinnamon rolls! He had to put the holy relic in the refrigerator because his brother kept licking it… maybe because it was oozing holiness, we don’t know! But bid today and this aluminum foil Mary can be yours! (Yes, I am aware this is a tongue-in-cheek auction) Alternative suggestion for those not fond of the Virgin Mary: the Creature from the Black Lagoon

For Sale: The Virgin Mary on a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Starting Bid: $100.00. The seller found this amazing relic when he opened his pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups last Friday! He currently keeps it refrigerated to prevent melting. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of the Virgin Mary: Urr… it kinda looks like a British Bobby’s hat.

For Sale: Virgin Mary on a stove top. Starting Bid: $5,000. Buy it now for $30,000! The sellers awoke one morning to find “an indisputable image of the Virgin Mary” on their stove. The sellers go on to warn that, “Of course, this is up for theological debate.” So maybe “indisputable” was a bit of an exaggeration. But it definitely looks like a person! The sellers also note that at least part of the proceeds from this sale will go to support “good causes”: namely, their own wedding. So not only will you be buying a new stove and giving money to the sellers of the item, but you will also be supporting an outstanding cause: the sellers of the item. Bid today! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of the Virgin Mary: eh… kinda looks like Meryl Streep.

For Sale: Mary on a Banana Peel. Starting Bid: $1.00. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Strange, incomprehensible, mysterious ways… as illustrated by this unique piece of Christian art. This banana peel is not only nice to look at, but it even cured the seller’s kidney ailment, relieved her of stress, and proved to be a great listening companion for her times of trouble. Now you too can own this fine banana peel! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of the Virgin Mary: A dragon!

For Sale: An image of the Virgin Mary on a piece of Pacific West Coast Cedar. Starting Bid: $1,000. This piece of cedar was taken from an old growth forest on Vancouver Island in Canada. It has the very clear image of the Virgin Mary. A very freakish, deformed Virgin Mary, but a Virgin Mary nonetheless. Bid today! Alternative Suggestion for those not fond of the Virgin Mary: Jennifer Love Hewitt

For Sale: An image of the Virgin Mary in the sky. Starting Bid: $.99. This is a photograph that was taken from an airplane off the coast of South America. The picture is so incredible, so amazing, that the seller didn’t even feel the need to post it on his auction! But he will send it to your cell phone if you really want to see it. But why would you? It’s the Virgin Mary, mofo! Don’t doubt, just bid! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of the Virgin Mary: The… urr… hmm. He really ruined this, didn’t he.

For Sale: A plastic Wal-Mart bag. Current Bid: $30.00. That’s right, this plastic Wal-Mart bag can be yours for the low-low price of $30.00. It should be noted that this bag is not a toy, is not for human consumption, and should not be placed within the reach of children. Use bag at your own peril!

For Sale: A clock and various other crap from the sixth dimension. Current Bid: $100.00. A real amazing story here: the seller was doing a physics experiment when he created a vortex to… THE SIXTH DIMENSION! Then, wouldn’t you know it, out of the vortex popped this tacky wooden clock. And even better, the clock now pulls other items from the sixth dimension, which appear in its various drawers and compartments. So what types of exotic things are in the sixth dimension? All kinds of amazing stuff! Like: Disney salt shakers! A pocket watch! A bar of soap! And much, much more! And for those of you wondering, why the sixth dimension and not the fifth? As noted by the seller “everyone knows the fifth dimension is totally void.” Well duh.

Can I get a “Woo Woo” For the UK?

According to a recent survey, 10% of British people believe in things like psychics, teleportation, time travel, and divining rods. I guess I won’t begrudge the UK 10%. The rate is probably higher in the U.S. In any event, the number is still quite a bit lower than a survey I posted a couple of weeks ago, which claimed that 67% of British believe in the power of psychics. But then, that survey was trying to sell a TV show. Still, I’m sure somebody will take this survey as proof that Harry Potter is turning people into witches.
Wizards and diviners abound in Britain, says psychic survey

Famous psychic gives police vague, useless information

Allison Dubois, the “psychic” upon whom the tv show Medium is based, appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show last week to lend her… expertise… to the search for the body of Jackie Hartman, a missing 19 year-old. She also contacted the Phoenix police with her information. Unfortunately, unlike the Sylvia Browne-Shawn Hornbeck fiasco, there probably won’t be a happy ending here. A man has already been indicted in Ms. Hartman’s murder, and the evidence (including her bloody shirt and a torn bra) is pretty strong that she has died. The search, right now, is to locate the body.

That didn’t stop Ms. Dubois from “predicting” that the body would be found, and there would be a funeral. Brilliant. Her other psychic vision: Ms. Hartman was choked, and she rolled down an embankment. On the bright side, since her prediction is so vague and pointless, it makes it more difficult for police to waste their time pretending it is worth looking into.

The father of the missing girl didn’t give her reading much credence, stating “I have no problem if it gives people motivation to help out, but I would rather focus on facts.”

For those interested, the family set up a website located at: http://findingjackiehartman.blogspot.com with updates, and also has an account set up if people want to donate money to help the family during the search for their daughter’s body.
Psychic drawn to missing teen case

Psychic cleans haunted spa; no word if he also cooks and does laundry
A spa owner in England noticed a “strange atmosphere” and “unexplained negativity” in her 400 year-old manor, and so called in a famous psychic to “cleanse” the house of its bad energy. Predictably, the psychic detected “a presence,” which he promptly gave an ethereal ass kicking. Since then, the staff of the spa has been relaxed, and business is booming.

I hope this guy also does houses. Mine is a psychic mess.
TV psychic exorcises the ’spirit of the spa’

The Virgin Mary, in fungi form!

A man in Twin Falls, Idaho left a message with a local newspaper stating that he saw the Virgin Mary in a rock by a waterfall. The image was made by water runoff, and some moss. None of the people interviewed for the article could see the Virgin Mary. I can a little bit, if I really use my imagination. But I also see something that could be a fish, or a missile, or a sword. In fact, it really looks very little like a person.
Religious miracle or natural phenomenon?

More about faces

This is another good article about why people see faces everywhere – similar to the New York Times article I posted last week. Interesting read.
Why do we see Mother Teresa in a cinnamon bun?

Psychics Not So Good at ‘Predicting Future’ Part of Being Psychic

This is a short blurb in an Australian paper that was written in response to several readers who wrote to the paper about an advertisement for a “Psychic Expo.” The advertisement noted that 3 psychics were unable to attend because of bad weather. As the blurb notes, strangely, the psychics didn’t have the foresight to book their own replacements. If you can’t trust a psychic to plan ahead, who can you trust?
Psychic bafflement

Pet Psychic Explores ‘Depths’ of Your Animal: Why Your Cat Chases Small Critters, Says ‘Meow’
This pet psychic in Orlando, Florida uses Tarot Cards and other techniques to communicate with you pets, all for the low-price of $55 for a 30-minute session. The psychic, one Jamie Tolaver Ruiz, conducted a reading on the reporter’s cat Ella, and came to some truly mind-blowing conclusions. For example, the reporter asked why the cat chases small lizards, and the psychic divined that the cat was “…a raven in her past life. Or a hawk or eagle. A large bird of prey.” My own cat attacks my shoelaces. I guess this means that in her previous life, she was either a shoe shiner or a village idiot. As a final warning, the psychic notes that the reporter’s cat, in her next life, will likely be a doctor or a nurse. So make sure you treat your pets well: they could come back as lawyers and sue.
Pet psychic says your animal has depths

Psychic Fails to Foresee Lack of Interest in Psychic Museum

In 2003, Jonathan Cainer, one of Britain’s “top astrologers” created a psychic museum. Unfortunately for Mr. Cainer, the only thing that wasn’t in the charts was visitors: he averaged just 100 per week, and now has to close the museum. When asked whether or not he will re-open the museum in 2008, he refuses to make a prediction, stating, “Although I’m in the prediction business, I don’t believe you can make predictions about things you are close to.” Not that I would want anyone to think I’m a cynic, but… I can’t shake the feeling that some psychics are just making up rules as they go along.
Psychic Museum axed due to lack of visitors

Ivy League School Closes Bush-League Laboratory

After 30 years, Princeton has finally closed its ESP Laboratory, which some scientists have labeled an embarrassment to science. Although I don’t know much about the lab itself, if they conducted actual, scientific tests of alleged ESP, I think that’s fine. I’d imagine that it would get a little redundant after 30 years, but that’s just me. I am a little skeptical of the results, though. According to researchers at the labs, humans could alter what numbers flashed on an electric box, “about two or three times out of 10,000.” I’m no scientist, but 2 or 3 out of 10,000 doesn’t sound particularly convincing. I wouldn’t buy a car that works 2 out of 10,000 tries, anyway.
ESP laboratory in Princeton closes

Jesus: Putting a New Meaning in “Tree Hugger”

Another week, another tree with Jesus. *Yawn*. South Texas town… believers flocking to the site… yadda yadda yadda. Move along, nothing to see here.
Tree forms image of Christ crucified, believers say

Why Do We See Faces Everywhere? Hint: It’s not God, but it does involve a guy with a long white beard

This is a good article in the New York Times discussing the scientific aspects of facial recognition – why people look at their sandwiches, burritos, and trees and see religious figures. It turns out it has very little to do with Jesus or miracles, and has a lot to do with good old Charles Darwin and his Theory of Evolution. In short, our brains adapted to picking out patterns that resemble faces. And obviously it works. Very well.
Faces, Faces Everywhere


Kansas Lays a Gorilla-Sized Bitch-Slap on Creationists
Following in the footsteps of Ohio, Kansas has put the kibosh on education that tries to slip creationism into science classes, and has adopted the mainstream scientific view – evolution – in its classrooms. Although I know that this fight isn’t over, it is heartening to know that there are still plenty of people out there who are willing to accept science over nonsense. Kudos to the Kansas State Board of Education.
Kansas yanks guidelines questioning evolution

For Sale: Jesus on a Door. Again. Starting Bid: $250. Hey, it’s Jesus on a door! Again! As the seller notes, some people can see Jesus, and some people can’t. If you can, why not bid? You get a new door, complete with our Lord and Savior. The starting bid price reflects the price of installing a new door. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: Charlie Sheen

For Sale: The Virgin Mary and the Baby Jesus on a scrap of wood! Starting Bid: $9.99. As the seller notes, “I believe this will help someone as I believe it will help me…” By helping him, he of course means the money he is going to make by selling it. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Mary or the baby Jesus: Nothing. It’s a scrap of wood. Nothing even remotely resembles a woman and a baby that I can see.

For Sale: Another Jesus on a door. Starting Bid: $100. Bid on this one of a kind miracle that… aww hell. Look, it’s another door with Jesus on it. They’re everywhere. Everyone has one by now. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: former professional wrestler The Ultimate Warrior.

For Sale: Jesus on the knot in the wood connected to a set of wind chimes. Starting Bid: $.77. Seller bought these wind chimes at a garage sale seven years ago. Recently, he noticed the image of Jesus carrying the cross in the wooden medallion that hangs below the chimes. A real find! Plus, the wind chimes still work. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: Marvel Comics villain Venom. It also kinda looks like Alien.

For Sale: Jesus on a curtain. Starting bid: $9.99. Has reserve. Seller was sitting at her computer one day when he noticed HIM staring back at her. As the seller writes, “…plain as day you can see HIS eyes, HIS nose, HIS mouth, HIS chin, HIS hair and part of HIS robe.” You know, all the parts of the face. If you were looking at buying new curtains, why not bid? You get your curtains, and the Lord and Savior to boot. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: Russian mad monk Rasputin.

For Sale: Jesus on a pork rind. Starting Bid: $.99. Shipping: $20.00. The latest addition to the Jesus junk food line, this fried favorite is the perfect American treat for the Lord and Savior — because nothing says eternal salvation like fried pork. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: as with the stick, I have no idea where Jesus is. But on the bright side, the pork rind does resemble one of those foam fingers you can buy at sporting events.

For Sale: Jesus on a rock. Starting bid: $.99. As the seller notes, “Rarely does Jesus Christ show his image and when He does, we feel like He wants to be seen.” Without a doubt. After all, when you’re the son of God, why bother appearing on TV when you can show up in rocks, fast food, and bathroom doors. Can’t argue with that logic. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: Jim Morrison.

For Sale: Jesus on a piece of plywood. Starting Bid: $100. The seller relates the back story for this little home improvement miracle: “…during a small home improvement project in my basement this is what I seen.” A short description, perhaps, but I believe the Lord and Savior speaks for himself. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: Charles Darwin

For Sale: Jesus on a fish bone. Starting Bid: $.99. This catfish bone has the image of the crucifix! See Jesus as he appeared in his last hours! Seller sold another “Crucifish” for $50, so at $.99, this is a real steal. If you peruse the seller’s other auctions, you may be able to find a few more of these, but they are very rare. One of a kind, in fact, according to the seller. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: the Little Mermaid.

Psychic asked stupid question; makes shit up anyway
In honor of Valentine’s Day, a Cleveland newspaper decided to ask a local psychic if how a person eats a cupcake can give an indication of his/her personality. Proving that apparently very little is beneath her (including stupid, stupid questions), the psychic actually gave an answer. In a nutshell, licking the frosting off the cupcake is positive. Eating from the bottom up shows you are desperate. Taking a bite out of the whole cupcake shows you are anxious. How does she know all this? Because she’s psychic, of course. Stop asking dumb questions.
A psychic says a mouthful about how you eat your dessert

Psychic fulfills promise to ‘change your luck’: Local man’s gets much, much worse
A man in Bradenton, Florida with an unsuccessful construction business decided to consult with a psychic who advertised that she could “change your luck.” After meeting the psychic in her home, he gave her $32,000 for her to “bless.” The psychic advised him to come back the next day to pick it up. When he came back, the apartment was mysteriously empty and the psychic, and the $32,000, nowhere to be found. In fairness to the psychic, the ad didn’t say she’d give you good luck.
Man loses $32,000 he gave a psychic to bless

Psychics Stating the Obvious Part 1: Colorado psychic, millions of football fans, correctly predict Colts victory in Super Bowl
Colorado psychic Avalone De Witt correctly predicted that the Colts would win the Super Bowl. Well, the odds-makers at Vegas, millions of NFL fans, myself… you get the point. The article also claims that Ms. De Witt correctly predicted the weather because she said, “This is a picture of the aftermath of a bad fight. There is a stormy sky in the background and the water is rippling, showing ‘turbulence’ in the air.” Except she wasn’t talking about the weather, she was describing the picture on the Tarot Card that she drew, and she attributes the rippling water in the picture to wind, not to rain.
Colts’ Win Was “In The Cards”

Psychic not told about own store being shut down: forgot to check psychic voice mail
A psychic in New York City failed to predict that her store would be shut down due to renovations. She also got pissed off when the writer of the article asked about it. You’d think a psychic would be better at planning ahead.
Psychic Never Saw It Coming

The King of worthless predictions: man has premonition that office is burning down; office burns down anyway
A psychic claims to have been dreaming that his office was on fire when he received a phone call telling him that, in fact, his office was on fire. Seems like a pretty crappy premonition to me. If you don’t even get the prediction until the office has already been gutted, what the hell’s the point? I could see this guy walking into a morgue and saying “I just had a premonition! That guy on on the slab is dead!”

Psychics Stating the Obvious Part 2: ‘Rex isn’t very good,’ says clairvoyant. ‘No shit,’ reply millions of sports fans
An astrologer who believes she helped Brett Favre win Super Bowl XXXI correctly predicted that the Colts would win, and also noted that Peyton Manning has “strong leadership qualities,” whereas Rex Grossman “…is not cut out for football and will find another career.” She also predicts that Rex will “require medical attention for arthritis or some other degenerative disease” at some point in the future. An NFL player with arthritis? Naahhh….
Rex’s hex?

Where does Jesus go for vacation? Some lady’s cabinet, apparently
Pretty much what the headline says. Not much left to say at this point.
Woman sees a picture of Jesus in kitchen cabinet

This is actually somewhat old news by now, but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention it: the lawyers of ‘psychic’ Sylvia Browne(tm) sent a threatening letter to the webmaster of StopSylviaBrowne.com, alleging that his use of the name “Sylvia Browne” in his domain name constitutes trademark violation. Because, like any good psychic, Sylvia Browne(tm) trademarked her name. Her lawyers, incidentally, manage to misspell their own client’s name twice on the document they sent to the website. I guess they were also afraid of violating her trademark.

The story was posted on Digg.com, and made it to the front page, with 850 “diggs” as of this post. The traffic to StopSylviaBrowne.com got so heavy that it actually shut down the website for a short period of time.

Strange, you’d think Ms. Browne would have foreseen all this. Huh.

Sylvia Browne(tm) trademark violations count: 7 in this post.

SYLVIA BROWNE! Shit that’s 8. SYLVIA BROWNE! 9. Damn, this can’t be good.

Wait… maybe if I take out the L… Syvia Browne… that’s not a trademark, is it? I mean, her lawyers used it, and they didn’t get a letter.

Link: Sylvia Browne Attempts to Silence This Website

That makes it an even 10.

I posted the 11:11 article last night. This morning, I clicked on the Clustrmap for this site (located in the right-hand column), and was greeted with this:

Did a spiritual being with a stilted sense of humor take offense at my article? Is said being now attempting to intimidate the proprietor of this website? I think the answer to both questions is “yes.”

I would like to ensure all readers that we here at Websurdity will not be intimidated by ghosts, goblins, ghouls, spectres, vampires, werewolves or poltergeists. We demand that the beings threatening Websurdity.com cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to their place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension. We protest such attempts at astral and ethereal intimidation, and reaffirm our rights to freedom of expression on the astral plane.

Damn celesto-fascists, always trying to trample our rights.

Websurdity Link: 1111spiritualguardians.com

One might not think that there is a large group of people curious about the number 11:11. It appears on clocks twice a day per time zone – or once a day if you are on military time – like, well, clockwork. A minute later, it moves to 11:12, and the day’s 11:11 is over. Aside from the fact that clocks are programmed to display 11:11, there is apparently another reason that the numbers 11:11 are displayed after 11:10. The reason? Billions of Celestial Beings are giving a “wake-up call” to millions of people by flashing the numbers 11:11. Apparently, the flashing of 11:11 “…is becoming a major phenomenon,” ushering in a “new age of ‘Spiritual Uplift’” – which, I guess, is the equivalent of having a pair of ethereal platform shoes. So welcome to the era of spiritual disco. I hope my shoes have a ghostly goldfish in the heel.

At the beginning of the website, the author gives us a questionnaire of sorts. It’s in paragraph format, but I’ve taken the liberty of answering the questions. It’s all for spiritual growth, after all.

Q: How often have you noticed the numbers 11:11, 12:12, 10:10, 22:22, 12:34, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44 or 5:55 popping up all over the place?
A: Every day at 11:11, 12:12, 10:10, 12:34, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, and 5:55, my digital watch mysteriously reads those exact numbers! Now that I think about it, they not only show up on my watch, but also on my cell phone, on my computer and in the clock in my car. My God, it never occurred to me, but they’re everywhere…

Q: To your mind, is this a coincidence, or are they too frequent to be random?
A: They can’t be random. They show up at the exact same time every day! Something spooky going on here…

Q: Perhaps you are puzzled or amused by this phenomenon? Possibly even a little bit nervous?
A: Absolutely. Who wouldn’t be?

Q: The question everyone is asking is “What does 11:11 mean?” and “Is there a reason for this?”
A: I’ve asked myself these questions numerous times. I don’t have a good answer for what 11:11 could mean, or why it keeps showing up on my watches and clocks. For that matter, what does it mean when my boss says, “Be at work at 9 tomorrow, or you’re fired.” 9? What does that mean? Perhaps it’s the spiritual number of celestial beings who are assholes.

I can only wonder.