Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?
Websurdity Link: This article was inspired by the fine users at the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF) Forum, to whom I am indebted for the use of much of this material.
We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.
Like many citizens of the Empire, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.
Presented here are some of the results of my soul-searching regarding this painful event. Like many citizens, I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem.
Below is a summary of my book, Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack, which presents compelling evidence that we all may be the victims of a fraud of immense proportions.
Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack
1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?
2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?
3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?
4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?
5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?
6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?
7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?
8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?
February 28th, 2007 at 11:35 pm
It has also been reported that the LEADER of the so called “Rebellion” is none other than Darth Vader’s DAUGHTER, the SISTER of the hero who supposedly destroyed the infamous Death Star?? Absurd.
February 28th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
Absolutely, utterly, unfathomably excellent. Sir, I salute you. Genius.
March 1st, 2007 at 12:03 am
This is AWESOME!! I can’t wait to read all the idiotic posts from people who don’t get it… WELL done, HILARIOUS!!
March 1st, 2007 at 12:35 am
He used two proton torpedoes. Two.
March 1st, 2007 at 12:36 am
How did the missile make a right angle turn after entering the exhaust port?
Do YOU believe the MAGIC MISSILE THEORY?
March 1st, 2007 at 12:49 am
With one fell swoop, you have creatively nailed the “9/11″ (and other) conspiracy theorists right on their pointy little heads. I applaud you!
March 1st, 2007 at 12:59 am
[…] Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? […]
March 1st, 2007 at 1:03 am
The Force could be a contributing factor in the sequence of coincidences you describe here. After all, Lord Vadar was created by the midiclorians (sp?) that make up the force; his daughter was the Rebels’ Princess Leader and his son the Rebel hot shot. Perhaps the Midiclorians wanted to right the universe with the kids of the bad guy they created? BUT, I have one more question to add: How could a missile shot in the vacuum of space–that would tend to keep going in the same direction as it was released, according to the laws of physics–be *sucked* into an *exhaust* pipe? Doesn’t exhaust mean to exhale or blow out? Wouldn’t the missiles have been blown awry of their target rather than sucked in? If it had been an intake pipe, then the “bending” path of the missiles could be plausible.
March 1st, 2007 at 1:25 am
ITS A MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 1st, 2007 at 1:39 am
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
March 1st, 2007 at 2:04 am
I have no idea to the answers to these questions! However I do see the similarities and irony in the questions. What a great read, hopefully other people will see what I have seen.
March 1st, 2007 at 2:10 am
These are important questions, and you are a brave patriot for standing up to ask them. May the Force be With You.
March 1st, 2007 at 2:11 am
Sounds a little too familiar with so much of our world and leaders today. You have me interested now.
March 1st, 2007 at 2:12 am
Although it was many, many years ago that I saw the movie, there seems to be something vaguely familiar about the questions you pose. Especially about the well placed explosives, and the lack of investigations or explanations. Hmmmm…what the heck is it?
March 1st, 2007 at 2:16 am
Thanks so much for that! Really brightened my day!
March 1st, 2007 at 2:36 am
Brilliant.
March 1st, 2007 at 2:59 am
[…] What would happen if you took the logic of the 9/11 conspiracy theorists and applied it to the destruction of the Death Star at the end of Star Wars IV: A New Hope ? […]
March 1st, 2007 at 3:22 am
Oh, this is EXCELLENT! Thanks for the unexpected smile. :)
March 1st, 2007 at 3:26 am
You are the MAN! That was great writing…
March 1st, 2007 at 3:26 am
There is a time for politics, and well there is a time for politics.
Darth Vader is a good man, I have looked into his soul.
He would never turn on the empire.
March 1st, 2007 at 3:27 am
Pure genius!
March 1st, 2007 at 3:36 am
I believe there was a second X-wing pilot. On the starry knoll, out of the frame…
Aren’t Vader and that Skywalker RELATED!!!
March 1st, 2007 at 3:40 am
9/11 was an inside job, perpetrated by the US government under the direction of Bush and Cheney:
http://home.comcast.net/~plutarch/911.html
March 1st, 2007 at 3:52 am
1) If you played Battlefront II you would know that the rebels escaped from a cell block with the plans
2) He didn’t deploy the TIE fighters because he thought the shields would protect the Death Star and hadn’t been informed of the possible security threat until it was too late.
3) Did you watch the film?
4)There are no investigations in an Empire of conspiracy, that would be a Republic. There is only torture and execution.
5) Vader is the best pilot in the galaxy, when you find there is a vulnerability from a fighter ship you damn well send you best pilot to take them out.
6) The same reason humans can beat a computer at chess
7) Humans don’t pay much attention to droids. How often do humans try to ignore their pets?
8) The force and chain reactions baby.
9) 9/11 was an inside job, not the Deathstar. That was an outerspace job.
5)
March 1st, 2007 at 4:43 am
Brilliant. Nothing more I can say would describe this article any better than that.
March 1st, 2007 at 4:45 am
9) Why is it that every moomrath who worked on the Death Star apparently called in sick that day? (I don’t know this for a fact, or have any evidence for it, but my cousin’s brother heard it on the radio or something)
10) How could a massive object made with illyrium pillars the size of redwood trees be torn apart wben each pillar is designed to withstand temperatures of eight jillion degrees?
11) Why were members of the Sith family allowed to fly out of the sector the next day, when all space travel had supposedly been cancelled?
12) Why did the BBC (Benellian Broadcasting Consortium) report the Death Star had been destroyed a full 17.6 millinerms BEFORE it blew up?
The list just goes on and on. A rational being can only come to one conclusion - that the largest conspiracy known to civilization has been perpetrated.
Of course, that also involves beleiving that tens of thousands of people, ranging from soldiers and government officials to victims’ family and witnesses, have managed to stay silent and that the revelation of this incredible, multi-billion dollar project by a few nerds has failed to get anyone involved to come forward … but that’s just proof of how big and effective this conspiracy is!
BTW, if you try to discredit any of this, it will just prove that YOU are part of the conspiracy, too.
Now, about that Kennedy shooting …
March 1st, 2007 at 4:48 am
There is a very thoughtfully written commentary on how R2-D2 is really the leader of the rebela lliance and in fact kept the rebellion going by shuttling plans back and forth - what’s the one common thread between everything and everyone? R2-D2 (C3PO) was picked up along the way from some kid). We know he can control the entire Death Star by sticking his arm into sockets all along the Death Star …
March 1st, 2007 at 5:03 am
You need to get a life dude. It was a movie, a great movie but a movie…not real
March 3rd, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Wow…. when will people get the medication they need? >_>
March 3rd, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Even more disturbing is the subtle turning of the Empire into a theocracy by the religious Jedi and Dark Siths. Separation of Church and Galaxy should be maintained, yet all we read about these days is, “Use The Force this and use The Force that.”
Our Supreme Chancellor-cum-Emperor founded this great empire on justice and balance. Justice and balance comes from the rule of law. Not from any commandments and precepts derived from the insidious Jedi religion. To suggest so is an insult and laughable.
We all know there is no Higher Power, and that any mention of said power must be eradicated from the public square.
Oh, and, FIGHT GALACTIC WARMING! Fly in smaller hybrid spaceships.
March 3rd, 2007 at 9:42 pm
[…] an Inside Job? Date Posted: Saturday, March 3rd, 2007 by rightwingprof Categories: GWOT, Wackjobs Trackback URI(right-click) […]
March 3rd, 2007 at 11:49 pm
You want the answers? Go to http://adpov.net
March 4th, 2007 at 1:00 am
I admit I initially bought into the offical storyline. The questions you raise are serious and damning. I am convinced you may have uncovered a insidious hidden agenda which likely goes all the way to the top. (to He who fore see’s it all )
March 4th, 2007 at 1:23 am
[…] So was the Deathstar destruction actually an inside job? Websurdity seems to think so. Some of the reasons here are just absolutely fantastic. Well done I must say. Although, I think that the insurance payout on the space station would have put a smile on Palpatine’s face. […]
March 4th, 2007 at 1:28 am
I thought it was humorous at first but as i dug deeper into the questions and theories i began to realize that our loyalty to the rebellion and our hate for the galactic empire has been jeopardised. i don’t know who to trust anymore
March 4th, 2007 at 1:38 am
it was all an excuse to invade Hoth and steal their oil; a planet which didn’t even HAVE anything to do with the attacks! As a result the Empire is losing Yavin IV to a resurgent rebellion
March 4th, 2007 at 1:46 am
LOL Fighters where better than massive capitals
due to there size most weaps where fireing slow shots with big ass weaps
plus 1 man fighters would also be able to get into the area better and also the missles where practicly fired by the force lol if it was probably moved with the force into the beam
March 4th, 2007 at 1:54 am
I linked this one on my site, and this was the comment my favorite conspiracy theorist left:
March 4th, 2007 at 2:24 am
[…] A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, they had conspiracy theorists too… Was the Death Star attack an inside job? [best comment: “I find your lack of faith disturbing…” [tip to QandO] [more entirely-too-serious fun Star Wars stuff from David Brin here and here] […]
March 4th, 2007 at 2:59 am
If you add up the letter values of “Darth Vader”, you come up with 106. That means 10/6. It isn’t too much of a stretch to go from 10/6 to 9/11.
These things are connected, I am sure.
March 4th, 2007 at 3:02 am
This needs a cheesy video on YouTube, using the Loose Change background music.
PLEASE somebody make one. Please?!
March 4th, 2007 at 3:12 am
Why did GM Tarkin not just zoom past Yavin to destroy the moon? What was he waiting for? I think prime time news coverage.
March 4th, 2007 at 3:52 am
The truth is R2-D2 fired the missiles. After he was “damaged” by Lord Vader’s fighter, he was mechanically damaged, but his CPU still worked and was connected to the X-Wing. He began a diagnostic on the fighter’s targeting computer and discovered it had been miscalibrated, which is why Hobby’s shot a few minutes before had missed. R2 realized that he could target the missile himself, but he needed Skywalker to turn off the targeting computer — so he tapped into the fighter’s comm system and synthesized General Kenobi’s voice, telling him to “use the force.” The moment Skywalker turned the computer off, the astromech droid took over.
March 4th, 2007 at 4:43 am
[…] Posted by Denis E. Ambrose, Jr. on March 3rd, 2007 Looks the Emperor has some “Uncomfortable Questions” to answer over the loss of the first Death Star. […]
March 4th, 2007 at 5:05 am
Finally, someone is willing to utter the TRUTH! Quick, call Steven E. Jones, Alex Jones and Batman!
March 4th, 2007 at 5:25 am
Next you’ll be telling me that some clown who couldn’t fly a Cessna 172 took and 80 ton 757 through a hard banked, diving spiral decent from 7000 feet to 2200 then leveled it off and brought it down to ground level and at full speed guided it through the pressure wave and hit the Pentagon.
I guess some people will believe anything!
Signed - Hani “The Force Is With Me” Hanjour
March 4th, 2007 at 5:46 am
As satire goes, this certainly ranks with A Modest Proposal and Animal Farm.
March 4th, 2007 at 6:46 am
[…] The author of the powerful new book Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack asks a number of questions that I’m sure many an American has asked over a beer or a bong. We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder. […]
March 4th, 2007 at 7:58 am
These are not the conspirators you’re looking for.
March 4th, 2007 at 8:48 am
Prior to the destruction of the Death Star a smuggler named Captain Solo was reportedly given a large sum of money. At a crucial point in the battle, Captain Solo had an unobstructed shot on his choice of the fighters pursuing Skywalker, yet Solo did not take advantage of this opportunity to kill Darth Vader. Although Vader was in the process of firing upon Skywalker’s X-wing, Solo attacked the defensive fighter instead. In the aftermath, Vader escaped, while Solo still had crates of money in his cargo hold. Captain Solo eventually made his way to the Bespin system, where he was seen dining with none other than Vader, who was reportedly obsessed with obtaining Captain Solo’s ship (and the money contained therein). Solo’s ship was then seen flying into the super-structure of the second Death Star, destroying it just after Vader was able to get out (he was seen leaving a shuttle piloted by none other than Luke Skywalker). Yet through this whole sequence of events, the money was never seen removed from Solo’s ship. Was it used to bribe Darth Vader, who (allegedly) assassinated Palpatine? Did anyone other than Vader and Skywalker actually see Emperor Palpatine die? Sadly, we may never know the truth.
March 4th, 2007 at 8:56 am
Isn’t odd that all the cameras that recorded this, happened to be in the perfect positions INCLUDING IN THE COCKPIT OF THE ALLEDGED SHOOTER. It is as if the production crew KNEW the sequence of events. It is so well choreographed it looks like a movie!
March 4th, 2007 at 9:06 am
All this conspiracy theory stuff is of no consequence; I have it on good authority that the Galactic Democrats have a “Tough & Smart Plan” to defeat the Rebellion!
Something involving the “redeployment” of Imperial stormtroopers out of the entire Galaxy… not quite sure how that would work, actually…
March 4th, 2007 at 9:30 am
[…] March abenamer07:29 pmAdd comment […]
March 4th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Just like the moonlanding, I have a sneaking suspicion that Hollywood was involved in this incredible hoax on the American public!
March 4th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
This is clever and funny. Thank you.
It tells us nothing about 9/11, of course.
If you’re honest, you will now recall and admit that, in the sixth and final movie (”Part 3″), George Lucas himself lays out an inside-job scenario very similar to what skeptics of the official 9/11 conspiracy theory believe.
Chancellor Palpatine arranges a false-flag terror attack on the capital, blaming it on the Jedi sect, so as to launch a war on them and roll back the constitutional republic.
As one review put it: “I couldn’t believe my eyes. Star Wars III – Revenge of the Sith is a 9/11 truth movie…”
http://www.911truth.org/article.php?story=20050523120138581
Lucas’s space opera version of inside-job theory has something in common with almost every known, historically established case of false-flag domestic state terrorism: It worked.
The reality may be obvious to some. The details may come out later for historians to write up. But for those who plot the crime, it usually pays off.
And future generations of state criminals learn the lesson: Crime can pay, when you’re the sherriff.
March 4th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Members of the Bush family, Bin Laden family and House of Saud had to be quietly evacuated before the Tie Fighters could engage the rebels and close down Death Star airspace, errrrr, ummm spacespace. Michael Moore told me.
March 4th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
[…] Last night I became aware of some very important information that compels me to share it with you, our readers. The link is here. But be careful. This link contains questions and statements of painful truth that may make you uncomfortable, and just may shake everything you thought you know. But that’s okay. You need to know what they’ve been hiding from you. […]
March 4th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
To 54: Moore didn’t make up the Bin Ladin/Saudi royal family air lift conducted during the no-fly period. Clarke and the 9/11 Commission confirmed that these flights occurred. Even snopes.com apologized to Moore for dissing his original reports.
March 4th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
A stormtrooper has all the answers to your conspiracy questions.
http://www.adpov.net/2007/03/03/death-star-destruction-inside-job-nope
March 4th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
I think it was all Tag and Binks…. :-)
March 4th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
To all those idiots who responded to this with 9/11 conspiracy comments.
Somewhere else to sell crazy go. Here, we are buying not.
March 5th, 2007 at 12:05 am
no one besides me that posted on here has ever been laid huh?
March 5th, 2007 at 1:49 am
A brilliant investigation. You have however left off one of the most important questions: In the video of the Death Star’s destruction, Lord Vader clearly exclaims “I have you now” then fires two shots. Those shots never impact — anywhere. Were they merely “added” to the “official” video after the event to make it appear that Lord Vader had at least attempted to fight off his alleged son? Why has this question never been answered? We, the citizens of the Imperial Government, have a right to know if our Lord is a supporter of terrorists.
March 5th, 2007 at 4:27 am
I think that you will find that the important cockpit recordings from Skywalkers Xwing have been with held, because it could give the empire insight into cureent rebel capabilities. What i want to know is who is going to compensate the reletives of the 150,000 crew who were on tthe Death Star at the time.
These were ordinary people just doing their jobs, they were not politico’s. I’ll bet some rebels even knew some of the crew. This is just another example of heartless exploitation by extremeists.
They call for a republic yes, but we all know what happens when the ‘force’ becomes part of policy.
Ask the Ewoks…if you dare
March 5th, 2007 at 4:34 am
[…] What Did The Emperor Know And When Did He Know It? Filed under: Wacky Theories, Terrorism — Kevin ‘Joooooooooo!!!’ Feasel @ 3:34 pm It appears that the destruction of the Death Star was an inside job. The logic is so obvious, yet how did I miss it all of these years? Though without Jar-Jar Binks (the galactic equivalent of Cynthia McKinney, though probably slightly less hated and a good bit more intelligent), who was there to ask all of the tough questions? Needless to say, I will not be voting for Emperor Palpetine in the upcoming elections; this has badly shaken my faith in the galactic empire. […]
March 5th, 2007 at 5:40 am
Hi, all. I need to get ahold of every one the does know the Truth about this incident. Palpatine and Vader had no qualms about eliminating some many. How difficult would it be for him to silence all of us. Please double-check your tin-foil hats before replying. Greedo could be monitoring this site.
March 5th, 2007 at 6:04 am
No doubt Halliburton benefited somehow. They got the contract to build the second on eh? Even worse, convenient how this story comes out and then suddenly Brittney Spears shaves her head and gets top billing! It’s Cheney again I tell you.
March 5th, 2007 at 6:07 am
…follow the money…
March 5th, 2007 at 8:51 am
It was an inside job so the empire have an excuse to take over all the moisture vaporators on Tatooine.
March 5th, 2007 at 9:35 am
Grab the popcorn. Better than Star Wars. (Actually someone in the StarWars NASA program has joined the 911 truth movement too) Movie time:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6708190071483512003
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7866929448192753501
March 5th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Those movies are not accessible now on google, so easily, so google them up yourself. Really, they are much more interesting than Luke Skywalker, and the gang. Google up in the VIDEO category within Google:
Loose Change 2nd Edition Recut
also
911 Mysteries
March 5th, 2007 at 9:42 am
So, now it isn’t coming up. But, if you google up on the VIDEO category, bring up on the search engine there:
Loose Change 2nd Edition Recut
and
911 Mysteries
March 5th, 2007 at 10:17 am
See http://www.starttherevolution.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1645 for the continuation of the following:
Speculation:
There are many survivors from the old empire. And many rumours. One concerns the ultimate fate of the rebuilt Death Star. It says that the moon was evacuated on an emergency basis because of a virulent plague (intentionally brought aboard). It was placed permanently off-limits rather than destroyed in the hope that once the plague had run its course and been properly analyzed, the station could be thoroughly sterilized and recoverd into operational use.
However, during a turbulent time in galactic affairs its’ watch was neglected, its’ location lost or forgotten - even in the memory cores of the failing but still extensive galactic library. Several legends say it became encrusted with interstellar dust and was captured in its wanderings by a gas giant in a now remote part of the galaxy. And that there it remains.
For pictures from a robot explorer and more go to: http://www.starttherevolution.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1645
March 5th, 2007 at 11:34 am
Many posters have noted that this is a movie — but they put it in a peculiar way: they say it’s “only” a movie. It is, in fact, a movie about real events — events that happened, granted, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. How do we know this? It says so right at the beginning of the film. In that sense, I think we can fairly regard the film as a documentary. My question, an uncomfortable one at that, is how this film came into the possession of George Lucas. And what was his motive in releasing this historical artifact as a theatrical entertainment, when it is clearly anything but? And given the ambiguities so clearly outlined in the docment to which we are all referring, was Lucas acting as an agent for the alliance, or for the empire? I think we need to know this.
Also, consider the odd way in which this film was rel;eased. Originally, it was just “Star Wars.” Then all of a sudden it becomes, “Star Wars, Episode Four: A New Hope.” This retitling seems an obvious subterfuge by Lucas to wrap this actual event around lesser material that was clearly added much later to convey the sense that “Star Wars” was just a piece of diversionary fun, a small fictional piece of a much larger fiction. But what was his motive in this transparent ploy?
Notice how the later epsiodes, which Lucas slyly calls 1,2, and 3, employ clearly inferior performers, a clearly inferior “look,” an inept directorial touch, and clearly inferior writing. Lucas has obviously chosen this approach as a way to highlight the original Star Wars film as being somehow different. Somehow important. There is so mucyh to unravel here and so little time. Someone needs to pose these questions to Lucas once and for all. Directly and forcefully.
March 5th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
[…] Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? […]
March 5th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
[…] Websurdity » Blog Archive » Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder. […]
March 5th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Hilarious! I needed a good laugh.
March 5th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
More questions
1.) How many Ewoks were killed when pieces of the second Death Star including highly radioactive debris fell from orbit onto the surface of the moon of Endor?
2.) The clones of Jango Fett which make up the entirety of the Grand Army of the Republic / Imperial Stormtroopers seem to be rather non-proficient with aimed weaponry at ranges greater than point blank. The clone / “son” in his adult appearances as Boba Fett also seems similarly unskilled in the use of laser firearms. If Jango Fett was specifically selected for cloning because of his martial skills, did the cloning process work as anticipated, or did Jango Fett lie on his application?
March 5th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
[…] Websurdity has broken the conspiracy of silence on the terror attack against the Empire that resulted in the deaths of tens of thousands of Imperials. Click here to read it. Nothing more to add besides the author nenglected to mention that the leader of the Rebellion was recently revealed to be Vader’s daughter. What is Vader hiding? […]
March 5th, 2007 at 11:59 pm
Money. Plain and simple, money. The original Death Star generated untold revenue for any number of civil and defense contractors but the major drawback is that you only need one. By “allowing” it to be destroyed, Vader and his cronies had Carte Blanche to design and construct a newer, larger and more technologically advanced Death Star (and distribute HEFTY government contracts for the same…) Clearly Vader’s connections (former CEO and major shareholder) to the number one contractor in the known universe, Halliburton, ought to be scrutinized.
March 6th, 2007 at 1:05 am
It is always amusing to see the “truthers” using lies and made-up science to justify their bizarre conclusions.
Tim said “Next you’ll be telling me that some clown who couldn’t fly a Cessna 172 took and 80 ton 757 through a hard banked, diving spiral decent from 7000 feet to 2200 then leveled it off and brought it down to ground level and at full speed guided it through the pressure wave and hit the Pentagon.”
A few things here. That the pilot could not fly a Cessna 172 is a lie - it came from a misrepresentation of a quote from his instructor, who has since said that he could fly.
It also assumes that flying the 757 is harder. Well to fly a 757 not having to land it is easier than flying a 172 well, from take off to landing. I was an instructor on 172s, and have flown BA’s full-motion 767 simulator (almost identical in flight characteristics) in similar manouevres shortly before 9/11. My sim buddy, a non-pilot (zero flight experience) flew that under Brooklyn Bridge, radar altimeter reading zero, an equivalent task to hitting the Pentagon. 757/767s bank nicely, I had the sim to about 60 degrees bank, and through a decent wingover. This is a proper simulator, with true flight characteristics remember.
What is a “pressure wave” to break through? The only thing I can think of is a shock wave formed in transonic/supersonic flight. However if the speed was kept below max operating mach number (probably 0.86) which is below mach crit (when the first shock wave forms) then this would be irrelevant. At low level (typically below about 25,000 feet, depending on mach number and CAS) calibrated airspeed is more of a limitation than mach number, so in talking about pressure waves Tim only announces he has no idea about the science of flight.
March 6th, 2007 at 1:59 am
Nothing to see here…..
…..Move along……
…………Please Move along… you too CR
March 6th, 2007 at 2:22 am
This One’s for Uncle Fetzer: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?…
Here. Hat tip: Tim Mc G….
March 6th, 2007 at 2:42 am
“So this is how democracy dies; to thunderous applause.”
Princess Padme
Did Darth Vader ever think to blame the destruction of Alderaan on the rebel alliance? No ? Methinks he wasn’t as evil as Darth Cheney.
I don’t think George Lucas is on your side, guys.
March 6th, 2007 at 3:10 am
Mr. Beamish:
1) Much of the debris would have burned to dust upon re-entry. Galactic powercores are primarily (exclusively?) fission-based, so the radioactive fallout would be less than might otherwise be anticipated. Larger pieces would have had severe impact, true, but much would have been pulled to the planet Endor by its greater gravitational pull, and the so-nice-and-friendly rebellion would probably have blown some of the bigger pieces into smaller pieces if they looked like they were going to cause Ewok allies any trouble… hopefully.
2) Jango used blasters, not lasers. Blasters use sub-light velocity charged particles more closely related to a lightning bolt than a laser beam. Lasers are nice and all, but blasters are more practical due to less need of power supplies and whatnot.
Addendum: I am, in fact, NOT a virgin. I swear this is true. Pinkie-swear. Honest.
March 6th, 2007 at 3:19 am
*CORRECTION: Fusion-based, not fission based. Fission powerplants require radioactive heavy-metal fuel, but fusion reactors use hydrogen.
March 6th, 2007 at 6:00 am
There is strong evidence that the next in line for the throne of Alderon and its representative in the Imperial Senate, Princess Leah, was in fact, a member of the Rebel Alliance. Lord Vader is known to have “captured” and spoken directly with the Princess just before Alderon’s destruction, and now evidence is mounting that the Princess was, in fact, Lord Vader’s daughter from a previous marriage, and was only an adopted member of the Alderon Royal Family. Worse yet, this “capture” occurred while in orbit of Tattooine, where Vader is said to have been raised as a child and where his adopted brother still lives. Moreover, a search of Tatooine Social Security records found that one Luke Sywalker was living with Vader’s family on the surface. What is important about this is that Imperial records show that Skywalker was, in fact, Vader’s original name when he was a member of the Jedi Order, before the order was disbanded because of its known treachery against the legitimate government of the Republic/Empire.
So are we to believe that Vader, who is known to be a former member of traitorous organization, met with his daughter, while in orbit over his former home, and he did not also meet with his brother and likely son while there?????
And what of the destruction of Alderon, which had no known connection to the Rebel Alliance. Did the Princess, make a deal to ensure the destruction of her political competitors on Alderon. Are we to believe she has no political aspirations of her own following the Rebel Alliance’s successful assassination of the Emperor–now that she has the support of the newly re-formed Jedi Order, lead by none other than young Skywalker himself?!?!?!
Given these highly implausible coincidences, we must ask whether the new government is truly the product of a populist uprising aimed at restoring the old republic, or is Leah our modern Version of Octavian Augustus Caesar. While telling us all her actions were for the good of the republic is her rise to power more a preplanned coup of the Skywalker family to replace one benevolent Tyrant (was Palpatine really that bad) with the Queen of their choosing.
March 6th, 2007 at 6:52 am
I think, based on the evidence, that the “destruction” of the Death Star (there is evidence to suggest that it was never really destroyed: See Return of the Jedi) was merely a case of wag the tonton. That’s right. The real inconvenient truth is that this operation was designed to shift attention from the obvious: Hoth warming. Yes, the ice planet was melting and something drastic had to be done to mis-direct those who sought to document the shrinking ice cave habitat of the ice monsters of Hoth. I’m just glad you’ve given us all the courage to speak out about this. Save the ice monsters and their melting ice planet of Hoth!
March 6th, 2007 at 6:57 am
[…] Like many Americans, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.” from Websurdity […]
March 6th, 2007 at 8:34 am
[…] http://www.websurdity.com/2007/02/28/uncomfortable-questions-was-the-death-star-attack-an-inside-job/ […]
March 6th, 2007 at 8:35 am
[…] Link (via reddit) […]
March 6th, 2007 at 10:46 am
Coruscanti Reichstag!
March 6th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
The conspiracy includes the local constables:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5351101160052590481
or google: “troops” star wars parody
March 6th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
And, no one is asking why Obi Wan was never captured during his “hideout” in Tatooine. Surely Vader knew where he was all the time, but instead of capturing him allowed him to facilitate the end of the Death Star by leading Luke to it. Then, all too easily, Obi Wan allowed Vader to assist him in joining the 72 virgins waiting for him, while Vader conned Tarkin into letting all of them go. Vader was behind it all from the beginning.
March 6th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
This is got to be the biggest load of crap I’ve EVER heard in my life, as much as I may HATE the rebels but your questions INSULT me.
I think ANY Star Wars fan should be pretty pissed right now.
First of all I love Star Wars! I love it SO much you dont believe, but it’s NOT my life, it doesn’t govern me.
Second, THE FORCE, yes you know the mystical energy? Yes that, and Luke’s piolting skills, and the fact that he is the offspring of the strongest Jedi ever to live (Which personally I disagree but whatever) that’s what destroyed the rebels.
Why did US as Americans not take a stronger fleet to Vietnam? We were too cocky that we were gonna stomp on them, then look what happened?
Look at Iraq? Same crap, the Imps were too Arrogant.
There is no reason for Vader to leave OTHER than to DEFEND the station, again, their arrogance is was didn’t have Tarkin to send more people because he was so confident on killing the rebels, he was SO close to Yavin 4.
There’s NO Conspirancy, you just have TOO much time on you hands.
March 6th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
[…] Here is one such voice who is unafraid. I join his chorus in asking the uncomfortable question: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? […]
March 6th, 2007 at 7:34 pm
[…] Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences? […]
March 7th, 2007 at 12:24 am
Brilliant, damn they found me. I’m being attacked by a Jedi Chicken.
March 7th, 2007 at 2:03 am
1: The Death Star was easily capable of destroying an entire planet (as Alderaan found out) because if you have sufficient destructive energy, a planet is a very large and (relatively) stable tagret to hit In that it doesn’t evade your death rays). X and Y Wing fihgters on the other hand are small and agile. The problem is that the Death Star was built for one purpose - to blow up planets - and not shoot down rebel fighters. Take for example the Yamato and Musashi, Japan’s two 64,000 ton battleships during WWII. Armed with 18.1 inch guns, they could, in theory, out-shoot any other battleship afloat. But against aircraft, both of these monsters ultimately proved helpless because of inadequate anti-aircraft protection. They were simply swamped and sunk. With apologies to my gender, size does not matter! Even the mightest and fiercest beast, like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, would fall victim to the tiniest bacteria or virus. The same theory applies to Death Stars (which it did again….didn’t the Empire learn anything the first time around!)
2: Grand Moff Tarkin was an arrogant officer who believed in the ultimate supremacy of the Death Star. It was only when the Imerperial forces discovered that their seemingly ‘ultimate power in the universe’ in fact had a potentially fatal flaw did they see fit to deal with the atacking fighters by deploying their own TIE (Twin Ion Engine) fighters in defense.
3: Luke Skywalker wasn’t allowed to escape - he did so with a lot of help from his friends and through the ultimate sacrifice of Obi-Wan (Ben) Kenobi. As for the two stormtrooper uniforms, these were obtained from two hapless stormtrooper guards posted outside the Millenium Falcon, subsequently lured aboard on the premise of assisting the tracking crew sent aboard to sweep for Skywalker and his friends and overpowered.
4: At this very early stage in the saga the relationship between Darth vader and Luke Skywalker had not been revealed (the only others in the Galaxy who probably knew of the connection were the Emperor, Obi-Wan Kenobi and the as-yet-to-be-introduced Yoda), so there was no need for any investigation because no-one else knew.
5: Vader, being a master of the Force, probably had insight as to the threat Skywalker posed to the Death Star and knew that he personally must try and stop Skywalker. Vader did not conveniently fly away from the doomed space station - his TIE fighter was clipped by an escourting TIE fighter that was shot by the Millenium Falcon, thereby causing Vader’s fighter to spin out of control AWAY from the Death Star. Vader only managed to regain control of his fighter after the Death Star exploded. Because the rebel ships also scarpered out of the area when the Death Star exploded, they were nowhere around to intercept Vader, who quietly slipped away.
6: The Force made him do it. The whole point of the Force is that it flows through everything in existence and that a true Jedi Knight (which Luke is, just that he doesn’t know it yet) can master the force, thereby manipulating any object, including Photon Torpedos. This is exactly what young Luke Skywalker (perhaps unwittingly) did, ensuring his ‘lucky’ shot found its target even when a computer was unable to do so.
7: Actually only ONE of the droids was originally owned by Vader - C3PO (built by young Anikan Skywalker in the pre-Vader days). R2D2 on the other hand was owned by Princess Amadula (or whatever her name was….the one who inherited Princess Leia’s hardresser!). Then again, Princess Amadula did become Vader’s wife, thereby giving Vader ownership by default (I think….Family Law was never my strong point). Anyway! As any student of history, literature or just damn good story telling can attest, it is the ones closest to you who bring about your downfall. The fact that the droids once owned by Vader fall in the hands of his son and old master and result in his eventual downfall makes for good classic story telling - something Homer would have wished he thought up (probably did, given Lucas’ penchance for lifting ideas left, right and centre for Star Wars - but that’s another argument!). These ‘personal connections’ merely add intrigue and a sense of betrayal.
8: Wrong! On 14 November 1941, the Royal Navy aircraft carrier, the HMS Ark Royal (most certainly a Capital Ship) was sunk by a SINGLE TORPEDO fired from U-81 in the Mediterranean. The torpedo tore a massive hole in the side of the ‘Ark’ and the ship took on a lot of water and subsequently a perilous list. During an attempt to tow her back to Gilbraltar, she capsised and sunk, taking with her one maintenance crew member abord her whilst she was being towed. The fact that the Ark Royal sunk as a result of the torpedo strike - in contrast to being sunk by her own side or, as in the case of the Bismark, scuttled by her own crew after the sea-cocks were opened - still counts for a sinking at the hands of a solitary torpedo. As for numerous small explosions along the Death Star’s hull, perhaps the exploding reactor first set off a series of smaller external explosions….who knows…who cares….why am I answering this shit?! It’s late and my brain hurts!!!!
March 7th, 2007 at 3:08 am
It was an inside job but you have missed the point entirely. I am quite surprised you don’t see it. The reason the Death Star was destroyed is simple. It was a Government job built by the lowest bidder. An O ring was faulty and covered up because it would have set the project back and nobody and I mean nobody wanted to tell Darth or the Emperor.
Therefore the first time it came under fire the design flaw failed and the damn thing blew up.
March 7th, 2007 at 4:13 am
I have been suspcious of a cover-up on the Death Star Attack for some years now. I think we can all remember how shocked and terrified we were in 1977 when we first witnessed the horrific destruction of the Crown Jewel of the Imperial Fleet. Yet, a few years back, when the new “Official” story of the tragedy was released, the footage of the Death Star’s destruction had been CLEARLY ALTERED, possibly with the use of COMPUTERS! Rumors have since circulated of the involvement of a California Bay Area special effects firm in the cover-up. That same corporation has also been awarded a contract to set up operations on the site of San Francisco’s Presidio Military Base! Could Defense Department sources be involved? THE TRUTH MUST BE TOLD! UNMASK THE CONSPIRACY!!
March 7th, 2007 at 5:19 am
Nah…Luke just finally found the WMD’s.
March 7th, 2007 at 5:41 am
[…] Question the timing, I do! March 1st, 2007 — Andrew An epic conspiracy a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. […]
March 7th, 2007 at 6:07 am
[…] Websurdity » Blog Archive » Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? […]
March 7th, 2007 at 6:28 am
let us not forget how the security tapes showing how the con-man and drug smuggler Han Solo callously murdered a law enforcement official, were altered to make it seem as if he was defending himself. Why? Because this unsalubrious character is the lover of the leader of the “Rebellion” and so-called “New Republic”, Leia Organa AKA Leia Skywalker. Can we really trust this womans judgement? No! Fight for the legacy of our beloved Emperor!
March 7th, 2007 at 7:17 am
Thank You! Now we know. The clear linkages between the Jedi Royalty and the Windsors is known - Darth Vader’s middle name was Elizabeth… It is obvious then that Diana learned of the secret and that is why she was killed, along with Al Feyed, who knew the alleged 9/11 hijackers couldn’t have been involved because they were all going to be too busy shopping at Harrods
March 7th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
[…] Semantic Totalitarianism Linkin Park on the new LP LP: You’ll notice that the band sounds different. It doesn’t sound like Rap/Rock. Trent Reznor on the new Nine Inch Nails record: It certainly doesn’t sound like anything else out there right now. Mike D on the new Beastie Boys record: It is actually really different. Adam Levine on the new Maroon 5 record: It’s a very different record. The beats are different. A little harder. [pause] Adam, Adam, Adam… “Harder” is so passé. • Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? [Websurdity] • Kanye West “throw some D’s” remix [YouTube] • Asian YouTube Idol [DeadOn] Methinks the bracket is too small. Where’s Duke kids remix Ignition? On notice: Jon Scheyer’s parents Sanjaya Malakar Dividing the nation: Bill Simmons 300 (Note the comments for negative reviews) 03.07.07 […]
March 7th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Yes, you really have stumbled onto something here… The shadowy Hole-Y-Woo-dud organisation famous for their Secrets and Trials of New RemBerg conspiricy were also once aligned to this project - so say some….
March 7th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
Latest News… Darth has deep vein thrombosis after saying goodbye to his favourite sexual toy who has been found guilty of 4 of the 5 charges against him for leaking the plans for Death Star destruction…. Can you feel my force…. was not one of the comments heard in the prison cell last night.
March 7th, 2007 at 11:59 pm
[…] We’ve all heard the “official” story of the destruction of the Death Star. However, recent evidence indicates we may not be getting the whole story. This article presents several uncomfortable questions that throw the official theory into doubt, and point to the possibility that the destruction of the Death Star may have been an inside job.read more | […]
March 8th, 2007 at 1:56 am
Apparently Lord Vader’s third uncle twice removed was Jewish. You know what this means… Galagtic Zionists strike again.
March 8th, 2007 at 2:17 am
Anyone toting the Imperial line is an Imperial Guard or sith!
http://www.debunking911.com
I think I’ll use this on my sight! Heh!
March 8th, 2007 at 4:31 am
[…] It was an INSIDE job, I tell you…. Weve all heard the official conspiracy theory of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And weve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder….. Websurdity Blog Archive Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? […]
March 8th, 2007 at 8:38 am
I looked at all your “evidence” with skepticism until I checked out a crisp Blu-Ray edition on my 52″ plasm screen and saw the word “Haliburton” embossed on the instrument panel of the “lucky, one in a trillion shot pilot”!!!
March 8th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Is this book banned yet?
March 8th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
I’m puzzled in Swiftian proportions, but here’s one true thing. Leia, that slut, did Archduke Ferdinand, Roger Clinton and Roger Ailes, but wouldn’t touch Vader because he never did smell right. Just never did. But she was a slut just the same.
March 8th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Very funny.
Not sure which comments amuse me most, the offended star wars geeks or the upfronted 911 conpsiracy heads.
March 8th, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Flamin’ brilliant!
Mate, that’s the best satire of conspiracy theorists I’ve seen for ages.
JREF… you blokes are great!
March 8th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
the force explains all…Its energy surrounds us, It binds the galaxy together.
March 9th, 2007 at 1:18 am
I have many friends in high places in the Imperial Army, the Rebel Forces, the media, and hollywood who all say they KNOW this was an inside job. Of course I can’t tell you who they are, because they will deny it and claim I’m a lunatic… Just Google “darth vader might have kinda sorta been involved in death star desctruction because he was fighting on the side of the imperialists” and you’ll find hundreds of mainstream articles about it.
Seriously google “jarhead jones” to find out the truth.
March 9th, 2007 at 1:26 am
Whatever – you are all a bunch of “Hokey religion” Han solos.
If you commit to the true nature of the force than one can postulate that that Luke did in fact use the force to steer a lone photon torpedo into the exhaust port that is less then 2 meters wide. Luke is the son of the Chosen one after all.
That said, if put your faith into Luke’s deep connection to the force, then you can also postulate that Lord Vader had foreseen the events of the Death Star explosion and that it was a part of the long term, plot to eventually overthrow the emperor and rule the galaxy with his son. We know this is true as he presents this offer to Luke in Empire. Why did the overseeing Emperor miss this you ask? Simply because he did not have the paternal connection to Luke like Vader did.
True - perhaps the Emperor did intentionally leak the information of the weak point of the Death Star. In doing that he could hide billions of Imperial Credits to help pay for the insurmountable costs he had incurred in over spending on the Imperial fleet. Regardless it is all about Midiclorians baby!
March 9th, 2007 at 1:33 am
Ya’ll got Lotto!!!
March 9th, 2007 at 2:27 am
Why is Al Gore not bringing these questions to the forefront of world attention? He’s wasting time propogating the lies of global warming, spewing tons of carbon into the air while he flies all over the planet, contributing to the very problem he claims to fight against. The Death Star Conspiracy needs a champion who will not be silenced by the evil propaganda machine to expose these lies!
March 9th, 2007 at 2:58 am
All of you nuts who are trying to slander this great empire, its history and its leader are rebels, terrorists and ENEMIES OF THE GALAXY!
I applaude the attempts of the individuals who have done their best to explain the complexities of intergalactic conflic to the ignorant masses.
Your probably all commies too!
March 9th, 2007 at 5:46 am
The Empire was not behind 9-11!!!
Besides, PROTON TORPEDOS DON’T HAVE THAT MUCH ENERGY!!!
And don’t forget that the Death Star burned for three days afterwards, in a vacuum! Some source of oxygen had to be present, because fire can’t happen in a vacuum, and it couldn’t be residual heat because like, space is cold!
March 9th, 2007 at 5:57 am
rrrrnnnnnHHHhhhnnrrr!!
wufffrrnnnnhhhhhh.
March 9th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
the site below answers some of those questions. i came across it a month or so ago. however all of them seem very short sighted…and easily answerable.
http://www.boingboing.net/2007/01/22/r2d2_secret_leader_o.html
March 9th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
[…] I’m not usually one for conspiracy theories, but … […]
March 9th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
[…] The Watcher’s Council has announced its picks for the most outstanding posts of the preceding week. The winning Council post was Joshuapundit’s post, “Between Iraq and a Hard Place—Why We Went, How It Got So Screwed Up, and Where We’re Going—Part 2”. I disagree with Freedom Fighter’s interpretation of events in a number of particulars and we have a side-bet going on U. S. withdrawal from Iraq but it’s certainly a thought-provoking post. Second place honors went to Right Wing Nut House’s “Death of a Titan”. Rick Moran’s reflections on the death of historian Arthur Schlesinger are definitely worth reading. The winning non-Council post was Websurdity’s post, “Uncomfortable Question: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?”. Tied for second place were SWJ Blog’s post, “Iraq Trip Report” (dry title; probably the best status report on Iraq this year from any source) and Kerplunk—Shaken Not Stirred’s, “10 Institutions That Ruin the World—#1”. I don’t happen to agree with the premise of this post, which appears to be that the UN is intrinsically useless and malignant. The complete results are here. […]
March 9th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
[…] On the non-council side, first and second place go to (1) Websurdity’s Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?, a great satire and (2) Small War Journal’s Iraq Trip Report, which analyzes the current situation in Iraq. […]
March 10th, 2007 at 2:01 am
ahahaha…no, you’re all a bunch of pathetic losers,
March 10th, 2007 at 3:01 am
You are ALL fools!
Of course, it wasn’t the US Government or the Rebels… despite all those odd coincidences.
As a true beleiver in Al Qaeda, FATAH TV, Al Manar, and CAIR, I KNOW that it was really…
The ZIONISTS!
The ZIONISTS, I say!
Shalom,
Maksim-Smelchak.
March 10th, 2007 at 3:39 am
Being a Star Wars fan I can appreciate the humor behind your story.
Unfortunately the article does nothing more than try to distract from the many unanswered questions concerning the events of 9/11.
Many questions have gone unanswered and many pieces of evidence that point to a conspiracy have been ignored.
Among these things are:
No evidence of an airplane fuselage, landing gear, or engine type that matches the model of plane that supposedly hit the building at the pentagon cash site.
The controlled demolitions complete with squibs on all 3 trade center buildings.
The unexplained controlled demolition of wtc7, that came down neatly in its own footprint.
The unexplained put-options that were placed on the air carrier, immediately prior to the crash.
Explosions in the basement of the twin towers before the buildings came down.
FBI confiscation of the security tapes from the hotel and gas station that show what really hit the building. These tapes were confiscated within 10 minutes of the attack. Have you ever tried to get across DC in morning commuter traffic? How could the tapes have been taken so quickly unless the FBI was already in the area waiting to grab the tapes? Why haven’t those taps been released to the public?
The bogus phone calls where the 9/11 victims called their family and used their first and last names. When you call you mom do you say “hi mom, this is . No you don’t. No one does.
The missing airplane debris in PA.
The sudden removal of bomb sniffing dogs fom the WTC complex 2 weeks prior to the ‘attack’
The decision to remove the dogs coming from GWB’s brother, in charge of security.
The allowed escape of the bin laden family from the US when all other air traffic was grounded.
These points are only the tip of the iceberg. There are many, many more discrepancies surrounding that day.
There are so many more questions and discrepancies surrounding the official story that it makes me sick that no one in our government has enough balls to stand up and demand them answered.
Read a little history and find out how Hitler came to power. Is it conspiracy theory that Hitler had the Reichstag building burned and blamed the Communists in order to garner support for his war? Is that theory or fact?
All of you need to do yourself a favor and expose your mind to other outlets of information instead of eating up everything the mainstream media gives you.
Ignorance is not bliss, contrary to what you may believe.
I love the USA and I’m very worried about its future. I find the extraordinary large number of presidential signing statements, and the blatant disregard of constitutional law by the executive extremely disturbing.
This is a link to the 9/11 conspiracy website. http://www.loosechange911.com/
Most of you won’t bother to even go there. That’s fine. If you want to remain ignorant of what really happened or you’re too afraid that it may actually cause you to rethink what really happened.
Some of you will go there. Spend the time to watch to movie. Perhaps you may become enlightened too.
History is full of evil powerful men, doing horrendous evil deeds in order to gain power and wealth. It is the same old song and dance that has been going on since time began. Why do you think that today would be any different?
Thanks for the Star Wars story. It was entertaining. It’s just too bad that it’s written in such a way to try and discredit the people that have been trying to open the blind eyes of the sleeping people of this country.
Keep this in mind. Being patriotic does not mean blindly believing what you are told by your government. Being patriotic means always questioning the intentions of your elected leaders and asking yourself if what they are doing is best for your country.
Safety and security may be important, but they have never been, nor will they ever be as important as freedom and liberty. Don’t let the cost of freedom cost you your freedom.
Jeffro
March 10th, 2007 at 3:41 am
Thanks for the censorship.
March 10th, 2007 at 4:24 am
This entire discussion is merely an attempt to distract us all from the fact that the mean galactic temperature is rising 0.004 degrees, every millinerm.
March 10th, 2007 at 5:29 am
There is only one possible answer.
The entire thing was faked, and the Death Star still exists.
That means someone has captured it, faked all the videos, hypnotized all the eye witnesses into corroborating their story, and are just waiting for the right moment to strike against the Empire.
The people who were presumably destroyed in the Death Star are in actuality now hypnotized zombies handling all the grunt work of keeping the death star operational.
John
March 10th, 2007 at 6:47 am
What is wrong with the author of this? Does he not realize that by writing this, he is helping the Rebel Alliance? Support our {Storm}troop{er}s!!!!
March 10th, 2007 at 6:55 am
this is brilliant. Important questions indeed.
March 10th, 2007 at 8:24 am
And what about those missing tapes that Vader was “looking” for that somehow ended up in the hands of his daughter that he supposedly didn’t know he had??
March 10th, 2007 at 8:24 am
I hope you don’t mind but I put this on my site. I also added to it. :)
http://www.debunking911.com/questions.htm
March 10th, 2007 at 8:49 am
Jeffo, You KNOW you’re lying. You just don’t like the answers you’re given.
http://internetdetectives.biz/case/loose-change
March 10th, 2007 at 9:16 am
When I read this story, I didn’t see a vain attempt to discredit 9/11 theorists. It looked to me like an attempt to show how ridiculous the “official” 9/11 story is.
It’s like the official 9/11 story came straight from Hollywood. The government is trying to say that a ragtag group of rebels managed to hijack several airplanes, and collide them into a federal building. Our country’s leaders conveniently managed to escape, or simply not be in the area at the time, just like Lord Vader. They want us to believe that something logically too small to take down a wtc, took down the wtc, just like Luke’s small fighter taking down the entire Death Star. The building exploded in several places, and they try to say “that’s how stuff explodes, just watch Star Wars Episode IV.”
What could possibly invalidate the official explanation more than the fact that it looks like it was written for a movie?
March 10th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
What this theory has most reinforced is my joy in never having spent a dime on any part of this SW BS!
However, I happend to know it was an inside-out job; unfortunately if I prove it to you I have to kill you.
March 10th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Hey, didn’t that rookie pilot once say, “Sand People? I’ve never heard of them hitting anything this big before.” His mentor then replies, “They didn’t, but we are made to think they did…these blast points are far too accurate for sand people…only imperial storm troopers are so precise!” Of course this was in reference to the Jawa Transport & not the Death Star, but you get the idea.
March 11th, 2007 at 8:09 am
I can’t believe you people don’t get it! It’s as plain as the nose on their faces. Ask your selves - WHO directed this whole plot from BEHIND THE SCENES!??? And WHO stands to PROFIT from the destruction of DeathStar and the ensueing galactic confligration???
The answer, of course….. the JOOOOOOOZZZZ!!!
OTOH, that may be exactly what they want us to think. So that might not be true but come on! How do they expect us not to believe it wasn’t them? Wait a minute… I hear footsteps… gotta go
March 11th, 2007 at 8:17 am
It is funny as hell! More, more, more!!!! :-)
** OFF **
I was thinking of the new episodes. How is it possible that a race with such a technology knows nothing about life? Everybody was surprised when Padme Amidala gave birth to TWO children. The can compleately re-assemble a human body, but they have no ultra-sound devices???? It doesn’t make any sense.
March 11th, 2007 at 9:11 am
[…] Websurdity brings forth some interesting questions regarding the attack on the Death Star. Was it an inside job? You decide. […]
March 11th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
It wasn’t the Jews. It was just one Jew, Kyle.
Corrupter, go watch those episodes again. Padme was keeping her babies a secret. She probably never saw a doctor. Besides, some people like to be surprised.
March 11th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
I love all guys (and perhaps the writer) who adore the way this makes the 9/11 conspiracy look absurd. However, what you fail to realize is that this only proves the point that in order for the ACTUAL events of 9/11 to be TRUE, the back story would have to be just like the one in Star Wars. The shot only could have been made by one who is strong with the Force. There would have to have been, and continue to be, Jedi and Sith like individuals living on this planet RIGHT NOW.
So, congratulations! You just proved that Star Wars is not fantasy, and truly parallels real life. May the farce be with you.
March 12th, 2007 at 1:30 am
[…] Well, Websurdity’s mock-serious post suggesting that the climactic destruction of the Death Star by Luke Skywalker in the movie Star Wars, AKA Episode 4, must have been an inside job certainly captured the imaginations of the Watcher’s Council. At least, I hope it was mock-serious. It’s certainly clever, pointing out just a few of the many oddities and inconsistencies in the movie. […]
March 12th, 2007 at 1:38 am
One or two of you nearly got it right. It NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED, it was all a con by the builders who just kept the money and disappeared. WHO was going to tell the Emperor??? far safer to make it look as if the Death Star had been blown up by the rebels. What we saw was actually a computer generated image of what WOULD have happened. The rebels knew nothing about it. As for THE FORCE people have believed in stranger things, so whatever makes it work for you.
FAB film, great fun but Please, no more 9/11 comparisons it is insulting to the folk who died there. Or are you saying that never happened either?
March 12th, 2007 at 4:31 am
Marvelous :D Well done!
March 12th, 2007 at 5:22 am
Also, Imperial contractors were given no bid contracts to build the second death star. Something to keep in mind.
March 12th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
[…] you may or may not already be aware, members of the Watcher’s Council hold a vote every week on what they consider to be the most link-worthy pieces of writing around… per theinstructions, I am submitting one of my own posts for consideration in the upcoming nominations process. Here is the most recent winning council post, here is the most recent winning non-councilhere is the list of results for the latest vote, and here is the initial posting of all the nominees that were votedon. […]
March 13th, 2007 at 2:04 am
More Conspiracy Theory Goodness!…
This. Is. Platinum! From Websurdity.com: We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-de…
March 13th, 2007 at 5:20 am
Peon:
That’s OK but how is that possible that a Sith Lord couldn’t see them? Do not tell me that because the Force was with them… Moreover Anakin couldn’t who was pretty close.
Don’t misunderstand me. I am a SW fan, but there are details are not so good developed as they should be. My PERSONAL opinion is that the original trlogy was much better than the new one.
March 13th, 2007 at 5:21 am
Sorry. The previos post is for WK1.
March 13th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Hmmm it seems to me many of you tell us the force allowed all this to occure…
So you are telling me a bunch of religious fanatics of an arcane and out of date faith managed to do it through the will of an all powerfull being…
Scary!
March 13th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
as a former nazi, a good one, mind you, i can understand the need to cling to conspiracies involving the downfall of a once powerful Force.
Schiese happens…
March 13th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
[…] Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job? […]
March 14th, 2007 at 9:28 am
well done you are a genius
i always thought vader was torn between his two roles that of a sith and an ex jedi but now i truly believ ehe held a further role in the destruction of teh death star
gebius i bow down to you master
March 14th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
What’s fascinating - is that every attempt by the deniers comes off a little - bizarre, in that it almost turns around and makes the opposing sides point. Yes, very far fetched - the whole star wars. But it’s a *movie*, folks. Special effects. Much time and talent and talent and skill and creativity. Much like “Shock and Awe, Episode I” .
March 14th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
[…] Oliver Stone directs. […]
March 15th, 2007 at 3:28 am
This article is an attempt by the Empire to make you believe that they themselves are capable of such deception. It is a bold-faced lie made with the sole intention of keeping the people of the Galactic Empire in lock-step behind them. This attack was carried out by rebellious freedom-fighters doing their best to restore freedom to the galaxy. This attack was not carried out by the evil Galactic Empire, as they would have you believe! If you believe this conspiracy-theory nonsense, you only serve their purpose — to fear them and their ability to control any environment — an ability which they no longer have, thanks to the freedom-fighters known as the Rebel Alliance.
Having been a spy for the rebellion (currently retired/on-semi-permanent leave) for quite a long time, I personally KNOW that the author of this book is an agent of the Empire; this gentleman has close ties to both Lord Vader himself, and the Emperor, Palpatine.
I repeat, THIS IS AN ATTEMPT BY THE GALACTIC EMPIRE TO REINITIATE AN OVERWHELMING AURA OF FEAR THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY, SO ITS CITIZENS WILL RESPECT THE EMPIRE AND THEIR “ABILITY” TO CONTROL SITUATIONS.
~Aralya Fana
~~Twi’Lek Spy for the Rebellion (SWG StarSider)
March 15th, 2007 at 6:51 am
This is not the website you’re looking for…move along.
March 15th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
The thing that really gets me is the fact that Vader can detect that Luke is his son and where he is located. Yet he can stand beside his daughter and torture her and not have a clue.
March 16th, 2007 at 2:40 am
And how come the FAT GUY was named PORKINS?
Don’t tell me THAT’S a coincidence.
March 16th, 2007 at 2:49 am
To the above:
Vader can detect it because his last name is SKYWALKER, and he is force-trained. Notice he doesn’t know who he is, other than that he is strong with the Force, until Empire and Return. Leia is not trained at all, so it would be hard to sense anything about her, and she was adopted by a family that gave her a different last name.
March 16th, 2007 at 6:55 pm
this was a blog on some dudes myspace
Friday, December 22, 2006
WILLIE WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY movie….WASNT!!!! about “CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!”
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
The ‘ORIGINAL’ WILLIE WONKA CHOCOLATE MOVIE,
had,….HIDDEN,…..DARKER ADULT THEMES that ‘YOU’
didnt, “WANT????” to see……..???
……OPEN YOUR EYES!!!!!!!!!!!….PLEASE!!!
*5 KEY POINTS ON THE MOVIE *
THE MOVIE:
#1.”WAS one of THE FIRST to DARE to bring to the PUBLICS ATTENTION: The INTERNATIONAL TRAFFIC of HUMANS/OOMPA LOOMPAS to be USED AS SLAVES!!!!…Do YOU!…?? REALLY think those oompa loompas wanted to LEAVE where THEY lived and WORK 12 HOURS!!!! a day in a CHOCOLATE FACTORY for minimum wage & no health beniefits?? NOOOOO!!!!they were held CAPTIVE!!!!…at WONKAS CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!!!
#2.”WAS… ANTI-CHRISTIANITY!!:……..AND!!!!!! PRO-DIVORCE! Just where WAS,..CHARLIE’S DAD..???????WHAT!….?? happened to him?:……..there…’WAS NO DAD???????’…..They were trying to say that CHARLIE’S MOM:….WAS THE VIRGIN MARY…!!!!and CHARLIE…WAS : ‘THE IMACULET CONCEPTION!!”
#3.”ENCOURAGES UNDERAGE GAMBLING!! : FIVE ‘GOLDEN TICKETS,….HOW MANY…???? MILLIONS of WONKA BARS?????DO the MATH!….WHAT??, are the ODDS….?”
#4.”PROMOTES GREED : AND…..CHILDHOOD OBESITY!!!!!!!! : The ‘KIDS’ are allowed to ‘RUN FREE’ in the EVERYTHING IS EDIBLE GARDEN : and can EAT….WHATEVER and HOWEVER MUCH THEY WANT!!!”
#5.TRIES to say : WILLIE WONKA IS JESUS!!! AS soon AS CHARLIE gets his GOLDEN TICKET…..GRAMPA JOE, can SUDDENLY ‘SING!….AND DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!WILLIW WONKAS GOLDEN TICKETS : CAN!!!!!!!!….. CURE DISEASES AND DISABILITIES…….???????….IT….CAN……?
2:22 AM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment
March 16th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Another very disturbing question is why the Death Star’s Phalanx System was not operating during the attack. It was specifically designed to destroy incoming photon torpedoes and no doubt would have easily shot down any and all spacecraft which are larger and slower targets.
The most convincing evidence though is that we heard the steady report of blasters sounding off during the entire attack on the Death Star. Anyone who has spend a single minute in outerspace knows that sound does not travel through a vacuum! I think the Rebel Alliance faked the whole show to shake our faith in the Galactic Empire. Remind me to tell my bank to stop my automatic monthly money transfer to help support the rebel missions on the Galactic Frontier!
March 16th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
I Demand a Public Enquiery! The Emporor has coverd this up for to long! How much longer must the familys of those brave men and women on the death star wait for answeres?
March 16th, 2007 at 10:59 pm
[…] http://www.websurdity.com/2007/02/28/uncomfortable-questions-was-the-death-star-attack-an-inside-job/ […]
March 17th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
Wow, I heard about this startling news on the Michael Medved show and came to read for laughs, but now I think I will be awake all night. My mind has been blown. How can we get this information out? I call for mass protests and a Michael Moore documentary, like the Fellowship 9/11 piece exposing the treachery of the Aragorn Administration.
March 19th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
All very funny and clever. Thanks! (Just one REAL error popped out in all this reading, no matter what side of 9/11 “theories” you believe: regarding what kleptomaniac k-mart shoplifter wrote about Willy Wonka, key point #2, the Immaculate Conception is not about Jesus’ birth at all, it’s in reference to Mary being born free from sin; people make that mistake all the time.) Anyway, more prayer for peace would be something everyone could do. Looking forward to more from the writers of Uncomfortable Questions … great job!
March 20th, 2007 at 3:16 am
I’m alive, and I blew up the death star, I emailed the plans and put a mini fan ubove the missiles to force them in, I used the power of the missile explosions (Which really crash landed in the swimming pool section) to blow up the chain of nuclear reactors, and there were 2 darth Vaders, one blue up with the death star, I disguised myself as him to escape on the tie fighter, and got Anakin to wear the suit via powerful hypnosis, and, message to whoever wrote return of the sith: stuff you
March 20th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
That copied your text without any recognition to your job:
http://www.taringa.net/posts/noticias/124715/La-Estrella-de-la-Muerte:-un-trabajo-interno.html
March 21st, 2007 at 1:29 am
[…] De todas formas, como aperitivo, yo quería enlazar aquí un brillantísimo post publicado en el foro Taringa!, titulado La Estrella de la Muerte: un trabajo interno?. Mi recomendación es leerlo entero (así como su antecedente original en inglés, publicado en Websurdity, titulado Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?), pero aquí os dejo un par de fragmentos especialmente divertidos (perdón por la ortografía, que es la original y es muy deficiente, pero no tengo ánimos ni tiempo para corregir). Todos hemos oido la historia de la teoria de la conspiracion en el ataque la Estrella de la Muerte. Todos sabemos de Luke Skywalker y su bagaje de harapientos rebeldes, como ellos lanzaron un ataque maniatico a la mas poderosa, mejor defendida estacion de combate jamas construida. Y todos hemos visto el video también, una vez, y otra vez y otra, como un tiro en un millon inicia una reaccion en cadena que no solo daña, sino que destruye completamente esta gigantesca maravilla tecnológica. […]
March 21st, 2007 at 10:06 am
[…] Speaking of geeks like me…someone finally asks the hard questions we’ve all been wondering about here. It happened a long, long time ago, people! It’s time we all stood up (well, figuratively speaking) and demanded the truth! Power to the nerf-herders!! […