For Sale: Jesus in a slab of Marble. Starting Bid: $75,000. For a mere $75,000 you too can own Jesus in a “Garrenteed 100% real marble” slab! This is a deal that can’t be beat. As the seller notes, marble comes from the Earth, and the Earth is very old! On top of receiving the image of the Lord and Savior, the buyer also gets to pay for having a professional come and remove the slab, and any other damage incurred to the house during the process. Truly a can’t miss deal! Bid today! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: An Easter Island moai.

For Sale: Jesus on Toast. Starting Bid: $.01. Not much else to say about this one. The picture is so self-explanatory that the buyer didn’t feel the need to offer any other explanation. Jesus is all the explanation you need! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: A freaky looking zombie

For Sale: A piece of toast, sans Jesus. Current Bid: $3.25. Tired of not being able to eat your breakfast for fear of chomping on a holy relic or taking a bite out of the Son of God? This piece of toast is guarenteed to be without any sort of holy image or miracle of any type. It’s just regular toast. You can eat it in the comfort of your own home, or take it to work! Good for kids, and great for parties, it’s toast!

For Sale: Jesus’s bark. Starting Bid: $4.99. Here we have the Lord and Savior on a piece of tree bark! He’s never looked better! Great for anyone who doesn’t have their own personal Jesus image yet, or even for someone who is just adding to his/her collection. This piece of bark is truly a miracle worth buying! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: Jay Leno.

For Sale: A collage of pictures of a wine stain of Jesus and his mom, and an actual drop of holy wine! Price: $39.95. A 40 year-old bottle of wine that had been in storage leaked into the wooden crate it was in, and created an amazing image of Jesus and the Virgin Mary! Seller is not actually selling the wine stain itself. That’s just crazy. But he will sell you a collage of pictures of the stain, and an actual drop of the holy wine! A real bargain! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: George Lucas.

For Sale: The Virgin Mary on a rock. Starting Bid: $1.00. This rock bearing the image of the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus was found in the woods in Pennsylvania. If you don’t yet have a Virgin Mary rock, then this could be your lucky day! Comes with free bubble wrap. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of the Virgin Mary: Morticia Adams.