Websurdity Links: The Ultimate Library

Anyone in the 20-30 year-old age group who watched professional wrestling as a kid will remember the wrestler known as The Ultimate Warrior. The Ultimate Warrior was a character who wore brightly colored face paint and tassles on his arms, liked to jog around the ring, pretend to receive energy from the Gods, and gave long-winded interviews that made absolutely no sense. As it turns out, The Ultimate Warrior (nee Jim Hellwig) wasn’t just a bizarre, fictional character in a wrestling ring. Indeed, in 1993 the man behind the paint legally changed his name to Warrior, thus completing the metamorphosis of the Ultimate Warrior from a bizarre wrestling character to… just a bizarre character.

The newly dubbed “Warrior” (Or Mister Warrior as the case may be) started formulating a life philosophy based on his character: a philosophy that he first shared with the world in a series of Warrior comic books. In the comics, Warrior famously rapes Santa Clause. But more importantly, he introduces us to a new word, Destrucity, which serves as the cornerstone of the Warrior philosophy.

Perhaps you’ve never heard of Destrucity. Maybe you even think it’s not a real word. Sure, it might not appear in any real “dictionary.” But the concept of Destrucity is very real, and may rock the world in a way that Plato, Rousseau, and Nietzsche could only dream of. Warrior defines Destrucity thusly:

Destrucity: tri-fold in its definition, therefore meaning… 1. The name of the Galaxy in WARRIOR wherein the “Terrain of Testament” lies. 2. The Living of one’s life in the Way of a Warrior according to a Warrior’s 8 Disciplines. Those are as follows: 1) Physical, 2) Beliefs, 3) Moment of Mastery, 4) Attitude, 5) Commitment, 6) Association, 7) Integrity, 8) Wisdom. 3. The creating of a truce between one’s Destiny and one’s Reality. Promising to stay true to what one is destined to be, yet accepting what is the now… one’s reality.

It’s just that easy. So where did Warrior come up with a catchy word like “Destrucity?” The answer lies in the definition, specifically number 3: A truce between destiny and reality. It’s like one of those nifty riddles. What do you get when you put a TRUCE between DESTINY and REALITY? Why, you get DESTRUCITY, of course!

And to think, some people call this guy a crackpot.

You might think that living a life full of destrucity is good enough. If you think that, though, then you need to take your destrucitied ass out of here, because you’ve obviously not studied the warrior system.

No, the Destrucity-Driven Life is not enough. There has to be something else. To find out, we must turn back to the Warrior himself, who has constructed another word, one that is two less syllables, but no less profound.

That word is: foke.

It sure sounds good. But what could it mean?

Let’s turn to some Warrior Wisdom to shed some light on the subject:

“Foke” is my — a warrior’s — term for intense concentration, extreme undivided attention. Humanity [collectively] calls it focus. To me, the ‘us’ in foc[us] connotes ‘we’; a collective, a group. I don’t accept that. I do not find it inspiring. I changed the spelling (its meaning, to me) to suit myself, to use as a self-motivational cue embodying the fact that ‘Life is Lone.’ I am — as each of us truly are — in charge and control of myself. In my mind during those bouts of intense concentration, extreme undivided attention I motivate myself with: “Take care of you and yours, Warrior. Find your Foke.”

In short, when you take US out of focUS, you naturally get… well, I would have thought maybe “Focme,” or “Focyou,” but it’s foke. Just foke.

This revolutionary concept could change your life. Heed the words of the Warrior: when life’s got you down, or when you don’t feel like you have direction, you probably just need to get foked. Foking is known to result in a feeling of bliss and harmony, to relieve stress, and even burns calories. You can’t foke all the time, but foke when you can, and when you do, be sure to foke hard.

As for me? Yeah, I’ve been known to enjoy a good foke now and then.

The best way to learn about hard-core foking destrucity is through the aforementioned Warrior comics. They aren’t easy to get a hold of these days, but they are necessary. Before you attempt to tackle the intense subject matter therein, however, it is necessary to understand the complex, yet brilliant color coding system the Warrior comic uses:

The telling of the story happens from two points of view. The first is a take action, aggressive, outward expression (a can of butt-kick is getting ready to be opened) point of view and secondly, an introspective, intuitive, inner-self, let’s-think-this-through point of view. The former done in the red caption and the latter in the pale yellow. Red represents the explosive side of Warrior, while yellow represents the intensity of his thoughts… his foke. Note: Warrior #1 had colors reversed

Pretty simple. Red is the one… thing, and the yellow is the other. Unless you’re reading Warrior #1, in which case it’s the opposite.

So there you have it: the profundity that is Warrior. I hope this has been an eye-opening article for all my readers, and I wish you all a destrucity-filled life. Good foking to you all.

Warrior Trivia: Prior to joining the then-World Wrestling Federation, the Ultimate Warrior went by the moniker the “Dingo Warrior.” I guess it’s hard to be taken seriously as a superstar wrestler and a philosopher if you have the word “Dingo” in your name. Sexually violating Father Christmas is also not particularly helpful.