For Sale: A picture of a fingerprint from Mother Theresa — with the Virgin Mary and Jesus! Price: $19.95. The story goes like this: When Mother Theresa first went to India in 1950, she was fingerprinted for her visa. Miraculously, one of those fingerprints has the image of the Virgin Mary and the baby Jesus! Granted this is just a photograph of the fingerprint, but you are getting the triple-cheesburger of miracles: One near-saint, Jesus, and the Virgin Mary! This fingerprint will mop the floor with your neighbors’ Jesus trees and Virgin Mary Cheetos, and it comes at the low price of 20 bucks! You can’t lose! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Mother Theresa, the Virgin Mary, or Jesus (and shame on you, whoever you are!): Hmm… it kinda looks like Homer Simpson choking Bart

For Sale: Jesus in a little mirror. Starting Bid: $70,500. That’s right, for a mere 70 grand, you can own a tiny mirror. Doesn’t sound like a bargain? Well, I should point out that the mirror has the image of JESUS! If the Son of God isn’t worth 70 thousand dollars, then I don’t know what is. Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: Spawn

For Sale: Jesus in an old, crumbling photograph. Starting Bid: $1,000. A friend gave this photograph to the seller. It was taken in the 1940’s during a lightning storm, and definitely shows its age. However, in spite of its poor condition, none other than Jesus Christ himself is present in the picture! As is so often the case, the seller struggled with what to do with her miracle, and “after so many people had suggested,” she decided to auction it on E-bay, for a mere thousand bucks! It probably took a lot of arm twisting to get her to part ways with it, so you’d better bid today before she changes her mind! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: John Lennon (and if you ask me, this ought to raise the price a great deal. Lennon, as is widely known, was bigger than Jesus)

For Sale: Jesus on some clay. Starting Bid: $4.95. The seller’s describers his/her encounter with the Lord and Savior as “one of those once in a while stories, but I must say for me, once in a lifetime!!” Urrr… okay. The seller’s friend first noticed the face of Jesus in the clay, and the next day, the seller could see it as well, making the pendant a tiny piece of hand-crafted heaven! So what does a person do when the Lord drops a miracle in your lap? Some people might refer back to the old question that many Christians ask when needing guidance, “What Would Jesus Do?” I, however, refer you to the seller of this item, whose wisdom is far more profound. The seller advises that, “…like any other person who watches the news and shops on ebay, when something like this happens, you list it on ebay to the highest bidder!!” Doesn’t get more Christian than that, baby! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of Jesus: Boston Red Sox First Baseman Kevin Youkilis

For Sale: The Virgin Mary on a paperweight. Starting Bid: $100.00. Buy this one-of-a-kind paperweight, and you can stop your important documents from getting blown around the house, and converse with the Mother of God! Even the I-Phone can’t beat that when it comes to functionality, and at a hundred bucks, it’s a real bargain! Bid today! Alternative suggestion for those not fond of the Virgin Mary: Princess Amidala