Websurdity Links: Is Our Government Poisoning Our Food? (With A Purpose ?)

You may have heard of conspiracy theories surrounding events like the Apollo Moon Landing and the September 11th attacks, as well as the sinister attempts of certain shadowy government agencies to control the world. These attacks, however, pale in comparison to a much larger, yet seemingly mundane, conspiracy that is literally right under our noses. The goal of this conspiracy? The government is attempting to invade none other than… our taste buds.

According to the fine truth-seekers at ScionofZion.com, the history behind this taste bud takeover begins in the early part of the 20th century, when the Rockefellers created the “Population Control Agency.” The purpose of this agency is… well, to control the population. It wasn’t just a clever name. A major achievement of the PCA was the introduction of the “Flu Season,” ensuring that an obscure disease that very rarely made an appearance (aside from a rather minor outbreak in 1918 that barely even killed 50 million people) became a yearly phenomenon. This success has resulted in the PCA’s common nickname, “The Hallmark of Influenza.”

The evidence of this assault on good taste is everywhere. For example, have you ever seen a food label that read “Seasonings” or “Spices”? Those words are simply a cover for MSG, a chemical that will turn you into an idiot. Other dead giveaways of the chemicals that the government is putting in our food to control our minds include Aspartame aka Nutrasweet, artificial “colorings” and “flavorings”, cottonseed oil, canola oil, and – most frightening of all – yeast! So for those of you who like beer or Wonderbread, chances are your brain is already toast. The presence of these poisons in our food explains phenomena as wide-ranging as brain seizures in airline pilots who drink diet soda, Alzheimer’s disease, heart attacks in young people, strokes, and high blood pressure. Most heinous of all, the government’s attempt to intrude into our mouths has caused children everywhere, including the ScionofZion author’s own son, to prefer sweetened tapioca pudding to real, bland tapioca pudding made with goat’s milk the good old fashioned way. I say, if they want my bland, disgusting goat milk tapioca, they’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

I ask that all of you think about what you are putting in your mouth. The government has loaded your food with “chemicals” to keep you weak. Chances are you have no idea what REAL FOOD or REAL TASTE is. Every cheeseburger you have eaten has been nothing but a fat, juicy lie with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and perhaps some onions. Every ice cream cone you’ve licked has been a sweet, creamy mouthful of dishonesty. So swallow that down, and stand up for your gastronomical rights!

In addition to the main point of the ScionofZion Article, which focused on the government’s food control program, there are several other facts that the author mentions in passing, but of which you should be aware. Here is a list:

1) Gulf War Syndrome was created in a Maryland lab and deliberately injected into Soldiers’ food.

2) The current generation of young people is called “The Chemical Generation” because of their addiction to food additives. This name has become so common that at least 1 person is known to have used it, including the author of the ScionofZion.com article.

3) The government is implanting everyone with a chip, including newborn babies. This chip is designed to “eliminate” you at a certain time. It’s kind of like The Sims, only fun.

4) The government invented AIDS , and is injecting people with the virus through mandatory vaccinations. The government then even had the gall to try and blame the virus on poor, innocent monkeys, some of the most hilarious animals on Earth.

Yes, Websurdity is back. I apologize for the silence in the past 30 days, but I was on a mission so secret that the very mention of it could have had galaxy-wide consequences. Rest assured, however, that my ultra-super-secret-squirrel mission hunting reptilian extreterrestrials was a success. We confiscated over 200 caches of death rays, and captured and destroyed over 25,000 anal probes. Hopefully, you and your anus will sleep better tonight knowing another group of intergalactic terrorists has been destroyed.

Stay tuned for more hard-hitting content as we return to our normal mission!