Websurdity Links: The Ultimate Library

Anyone in the 20-30 year-old age group who watched professional wrestling as a kid will remember the wrestler known as The Ultimate Warrior. The Ultimate Warrior was a character who wore brightly colored face paint and tassles on his arms, liked to jog around the ring, pretend to receive energy from the Gods, and gave long-winded interviews that made absolutely no sense. As it turns out, The Ultimate Warrior (nee Jim Hellwig) wasn’t just a bizarre, fictional character in a wrestling ring. Indeed, in 1993 the man behind the paint legally changed his name to Warrior, thus completing the metamorphosis of the Ultimate Warrior from a bizarre wrestling character to… just a bizarre character.

The newly dubbed “Warrior” (Or Mister Warrior as the case may be) started formulating a life philosophy based on his character: a philosophy that he first shared with the world in a series of Warrior comic books. In the comics, Warrior famously rapes Santa Clause. But more importantly, he introduces us to a new word, Destrucity, which serves as the cornerstone of the Warrior philosophy.

Perhaps you’ve never heard of Destrucity. Maybe you even think it’s not a real word. Sure, it might not appear in any real “dictionary.” But the concept of Destrucity is very real, and may rock the world in a way that Plato, Rousseau, and Nietzsche could only dream of. Warrior defines Destrucity thusly:

Destrucity: tri-fold in its definition, therefore meaning… 1. The name of the Galaxy in WARRIOR wherein the “Terrain of Testament” lies. 2. The Living of one’s life in the Way of a Warrior according to a Warrior’s 8 Disciplines. Those are as follows: 1) Physical, 2) Beliefs, 3) Moment of Mastery, 4) Attitude, 5) Commitment, 6) Association, 7) Integrity, 8) Wisdom. 3. The creating of a truce between one’s Destiny and one’s Reality. Promising to stay true to what one is destined to be, yet accepting what is the now… one’s reality.

It’s just that easy. So where did Warrior come up with a catchy word like “Destrucity?” The answer lies in the definition, specifically number 3: A truce between destiny and reality. It’s like one of those nifty riddles. What do you get when you put a TRUCE between DESTINY and REALITY? Why, you get DESTRUCITY, of course!

And to think, some people call this guy a crackpot.

You might think that living a life full of destrucity is good enough. If you think that, though, then you need to take your destrucitied ass out of here, because you’ve obviously not studied the warrior system.

No, the Destrucity-Driven Life is not enough. There has to be something else. To find out, we must turn back to the Warrior himself, who has constructed another word, one that is two less syllables, but no less profound.

That word is: foke.

It sure sounds good. But what could it mean?

Let’s turn to some Warrior Wisdom to shed some light on the subject:

“Foke” is my — a warrior’s — term for intense concentration, extreme undivided attention. Humanity [collectively] calls it focus. To me, the ‘us’ in foc[us] connotes ‘we’; a collective, a group. I don’t accept that. I do not find it inspiring. I changed the spelling (its meaning, to me) to suit myself, to use as a self-motivational cue embodying the fact that ‘Life is Lone.’ I am — as each of us truly are — in charge and control of myself. In my mind during those bouts of intense concentration, extreme undivided attention I motivate myself with: “Take care of you and yours, Warrior. Find your Foke.”

In short, when you take US out of focUS, you naturally get… well, I would have thought maybe “Focme,” or “Focyou,” but it’s foke. Just foke.

This revolutionary concept could change your life. Heed the words of the Warrior: when life’s got you down, or when you don’t feel like you have direction, you probably just need to get foked. Foking is known to result in a feeling of bliss and harmony, to relieve stress, and even burns calories. You can’t foke all the time, but foke when you can, and when you do, be sure to foke hard.

As for me? Yeah, I’ve been known to enjoy a good foke now and then.

The best way to learn about hard-core foking destrucity is through the aforementioned Warrior comics. They aren’t easy to get a hold of these days, but they are necessary. Before you attempt to tackle the intense subject matter therein, however, it is necessary to understand the complex, yet brilliant color coding system the Warrior comic uses:

The telling of the story happens from two points of view. The first is a take action, aggressive, outward expression (a can of butt-kick is getting ready to be opened) point of view and secondly, an introspective, intuitive, inner-self, let’s-think-this-through point of view. The former done in the red caption and the latter in the pale yellow. Red represents the explosive side of Warrior, while yellow represents the intensity of his thoughts… his foke. Note: Warrior #1 had colors reversed

Pretty simple. Red is the one… thing, and the yellow is the other. Unless you’re reading Warrior #1, in which case it’s the opposite.

So there you have it: the profundity that is Warrior. I hope this has been an eye-opening article for all my readers, and I wish you all a destrucity-filled life. Good foking to you all.

Warrior Trivia: Prior to joining the then-World Wrestling Federation, the Ultimate Warrior went by the moniker the “Dingo Warrior.” I guess it’s hard to be taken seriously as a superstar wrestler and a philosopher if you have the word “Dingo” in your name. Sexually violating Father Christmas is also not particularly helpful.

Websurdity Links: GREENSPAN JAILED AS LEO FILES FOR MANDAMUS WRIT o PAULSON ARREST UPDATE… BREAKING, MORE TO COME o Illuminati Cash “Slush Fund” Estimated At 65 Trillion Dollars o The Story Of Leo Wanta ‘The 27.5 Trillion Dollar Man’

According to qualified intelligence experts, former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan was arrested two weeks ago in connection with a scandal involving Ambassador Leo Wanta and a large amount of missing money. Greenspan, who is reportedly being held without bail, was apparently not notified of his incarceration, and continues to make public appearances, including giving a speech in New York City. Greenspan joins fellow financial expert and current Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson, who was also arrested and put in jail. Like Greenspan, Paulson was also not notified that he is in jail, and continues to brazenly appear in public places.

The back story behind these arrests and the lawsuit that caused them is one of corruption, greed, and international intrigue. The story goes like this: Leo Wanta, the former Somali Ambassador to Canada – quite a feat, since Somalia had no central government at the time he represented it — helped bankrupt the Soviet Union of over 27 trillion dollars during the 1980’s as part of a U.S. government funded operation. As part of a settlement involving that work, Wanta was awarded, and as such is demanding, his share of the prize. So how much does Wanta want?

It turns out he is owed the rather substantial sum of:

4.5 TRILLION DOLLARS!

And he almost got it. The money, all 4.5 trillion of it, was transferred by the People’s Republic of China into a single bank account at a Bank of America in Virginia in 2006. Instead of getting to its rightful owner, however, it was stolen by rogue members of the U.S. government. These officials took the money at the behest of none other than the 41st President of the United States, George H.W. Bush, who is also known to be the head of the super-secret “Nazi Continuum ‘Black’ Agency,” which is a “…covert Nazi pan-German intelligence organization.”

There is no word on what Bush, Bush Jr. and the rest of the Illuminati plan on doing with the money. However, rumor has it that they may be working on some sort of new “laser.” We can only hope and pray that this “laser” will not be used for nefarious purposes. We will keep you updated as more news becomes available.

Ambassador Wanta’s petition, the text of which you can read online, is actually a Writ of Mandamus, and names various officials in the U.S. Treasury, the head of Homeland Security, and the Attorney General.

We at Websurdity sincerely hope that Ambassador Leo Wanta gets his

4.5 TRILLION DOLLARS!

and can put all this behind him. Fair is fair, and he clearly deserves his money. We also hope he would be willing to donate some of his newfound wealth to the Websurdity Fund for the Advancement of My Personal Wealth ™ as a reward for our hard-hitting coverage of this case.

Websurdity Links: John Titor Times o John Titor - Wikipedia o The Story of John Titor

Many people on the Internet are familiar with the exploits of time traveler John Titor, who traveled from the year 2036 to 1975, and made a stopoff in the year 2000 on his way back. John made several posts on Internet message boards under the handle timetravel_0, and has caused quite a stir. Titor’s mission in 1975 was to procure an IBM 5100 series computer, which his time-travel-capable military unit needed to debug software, in order to prevent a Y2K-like bug from occurring in the year 2038. Titor left his readers with numerous predictions for the coming years, including a new Civil War in America, the end of the Olympics, and finally World War III. He has not been seen or heard from since, presumably having returned to the year 2036 with the IBM computer.

As such, we were more than a little surprised when we received this e-mail a few days ago from timetravel.3@gmail.com

We did indeed get to hang out with John, and he even graciously agreed to do an on-the-record interview with us before he heads back to his own time. We present that interview in its entirety.

WS: John, it’s good to see you back again. Everyone pretty much assumed you were gone for good after not hearing from you for six years. What have you been doing, and how is it coming back to 2007?

JT: Let me tell you, it is nice to be back in 2007. First, I’d like to clarify that although I haven’t been heard from for 6 years in your time, I’ve actually returned after just 3 years in my world.

WS: So you time traveled from 2039?

JT: That’s right.

WS: As everyone knows, the last time you stopped by, you were on your way back from 1975 where you picked up an old IBM 5100 computer that was needed to solve an impending crisis. How did the mission go?

JT: Believe it or not, it turned out to be completely irrelevant. We were all worried about this Y38 thing. But while I was gone, someone got the idea to ask the same scientists who developed time travel to take a look at these old, primitive computers. And wouldn’t you know it, after solving problems of quantum mechanics and relativity, fixing a bunch of Unix-based systems from the 1980’s was a piece of cake. I’m kind of surprised we didn’t think of asking them sooner.

WS: Well, you’d think that would be a pretty obvious solution…

JT: Yeah. Damndest thing, y’know. But that’s the government for you. We all had a good laugh about it afterwards.

WS: That’s good to hear. So the Y38 thing just kind of fizzled out?

JT: Basically. I mean, there were a few glitches. Blockbuster’s entire computer system flipped back to 1901, and I had a DVD out at the time. Let me tell you, I was a little surprised when I got a bill for $250,025 in late fees! I know they’ve jacked up the prices and all but… [laughs]

WS: So what brings you back on your latest time excursion?

JT: We’re trying to find a tire jack and lug wrench.

WS: Wow. Is there a major flat tire problem in 2039?

JT: Huge. If a tire goes, we usually just leave the car by the road. There isn’t any known way of fixing it. Kind of like a horse with a broken leg. It’s getting to be a real crisis.

WS: So have you found a lug wrench and jack?

JT: Yeah. I just stopped over at Jiffy Lube.

WS: So you’re saying that there’s no Jiffy Lube in 2039.

JT: Well there is. But…

[John paused here for several minutes]

JT: Hmm. I’ll have to bring that up at our next staff meeting.

WS: Indeed. John, let me move on to another subject. You left the year 2001 after giving us some pretty harrowing predictions for the coming years. For example, you stated that “There is a civil war in the United States that starts in 2005,” and later claimed that, “The civil war in the United States will start in 2004. I would describe it as having a Waco type event every month that steadily gets worse.” Obviously, it is 2007, and there is no Civil War.

JT: Isn’t there? [pause] Isn’t there?

WS: Urr… no, there isn’t.

JT: Okay. I might have exaggerated the problem a little. Honestly, history was never my strong point.

WS: You also mentioned that the 2004 Athens Olympics would be the last official Olympics. But the 2006 Olympics happened without any problems. What happened?

JT: I’ve never been a fan of the Olympics. That was just some wishful thinking on my part.

WS: You ended your first trip to our worldline in March of 2001. Less than 6 months later, the September 11th terrorist attacks happened. Why did you warn people about events that would happen far into the future, but not mention an impending attack just a few months away?

JT: I admit that I really screwed the pooch on that one. I had made a note to myself to mention the whole thing, but I got distracted. People were asking me questions about all kinds of stuff, accusing me of being a fraud and all that. It slipped my mind. I got back to 2036 and was looking through my notes, and realized I forgot to mention it. I was kicking myself for weeks! I guess we all forget things now and then.

WS: And the Asian Tsunami and the Iraq War?

JT: The tsunami and war too, yes. I had a lot on my mind at the time.

WS: I see. On a lighter note, you were using the handle Timetravel_0 when you first started posting in 2000, but your new e-mail address is timetravel.3. Is there any significance?

JT: No, not really. I guess somebody thought it would be cute to reserve my old handle on G-mail. So I used a 3 instead of 0. And if anyone happens to know who took my handle, I’d sure like it back.

WS: Now, on your last mission to 1975, you originally traveled in a ‘67 Chevy Convertible. Would you mind sharing with us what pimped ride you’re rolling in these days?

JT: [laughs] Nothing too glamorous. We wanted to go with something inconspicuous, so we originally picked out a Gremlin. But someone tipped us off that they weren’t in vogue anymore, so we went with a 2005 Toyota Prius. Nice little car. Great gas mileage.

WS: When will you be heading back to your own time?

JT: In a couple weeks. I’m taking a quick detour to Disney World. I know it’s a bit of a cliché, but I really want to go, and I figured I’d jump on the opportunity while I have the time.

WS: There’s no Disney World in 2039?

JT: Nah. It got bought out by Wal-Mart in 2024, and now it’s “Wal-World.” The prices are cheaper, but most of the rides fall apart every couple hours.

WS: Interesting. Well, we thank you for taking the time to speak with us here. Any last words for 2007 before you take off?

JT: Nothing specific. It’s been a great trip, but I’m looking forward to going back… back to the future!

WS: Thanks again. We wish you all the best.

JT: Thank you.

Websurdity Disclaimer: The use of the phrase “back to the future” is in no way a reference to the Robert Zemeckis film franchise of the same name, nor is Websurdity in any way affiliated with said franchise.

Websurdity Links: Otherkin.com o The Otherkin Alliance

Most people have heard of creatures like werewolves, vampires, angels, faeries, and dragons, be it through popular television shows, books, or movies. These creatures were long believed to be mythical, nothing more than legends and fantasy. However, as it turns out, all of these creatures are real, and live among us.

Collectively known as “Otherkin,” this motley bunch of non-humans, counter-intuitively, doesn’t stand out from a crowd: they hold regular jobs, go to school, live in regular houses and pretty much look and act like regular humans. You might be asking yourself, how could someone hide the fact that they are a massive, green scaled reptile that breathes fire, or a heavenly creature with wings and a halo? By wearing masks? Makeup? Putting everyone in a state of mass-hypnosis with their magical powers?

The short answer to all those questions is “no.” Vampires, werewolves, angels, faeries and dragons don’t look like vampires, werewolves, faeries, and dragons. Rather, they look like regular people, because they have the physical bodies of regular people. Indeed, an angel, according to an authority on Otherkin, is a human who is born with an angelic soul. And they do have wings – but energy wings. Only other Otherkin can see them.

Similarly, there are some very slight differences between real-life dragons and the ones in popular culture and mythology. The popular image of dragons is that of giant, scaly reptiles that can breathe fire and fly. Real dragons, however, don’t have scales. Also, they don’t fly. Plus, they don’t breathe fire, and they aren’t large. And finally, they aren’t reptiles. They look remarkably like regular people. But their souls are dragons. Real dragons also “…might move in a strange way, sometimes walking on tip toe or bending their arms all the time,” or “sometimes give out unhuman sounds which will sound like utter crazyness to humans or others.” In short, dragons are great for parties.

Of all the Otherkin, the vampires are perhaps the most intriguing. There are many types of vampires, including “sanguinarian” (blood) vampires, psychic vampires, sexual vampires, emotional vampires, social vampires, and elemental vampires. Though unconfirmed, there may also be another class, the “monetary vampires.” These creatures are known for mooching money off friends and never paying them back.

The types of vampires indicate what they need to feed off of: blood, psychic energy, sex… and so on. Vampires need to consume these things to maintain their “life energy.” For example, if a “sanguinarian” doesn’t drink enough blood, he/she “…will become very sick and weak, and experience, headaches, stomach cramps, muscle cramps, irritability and lethargy.” This leads us to the final type of vampire, the “Starbucksian.” These vampires suffer the same symptoms if they fail to consume at least one $4 cup of coffee every morning. And believe me, when that happens, it’s not pretty.

With the exception of perhaps the sex vampires, which sounds like it could be fun if a little freaky, there doesn’t seem to be much advantage to being an Otherkin. You don’t get to live longer, or fly, or have superhuman strength. You don’t get to be better looking, or rich. Movies have misled us greatly with respect to these creatures, who don’t seem to have any measurable differences from regular humans. So just think next time you are in a crowd: you could be standing next to a dragon. Or an angel. Or a werewolf. And you’d never know it.

In fact, you might be one yourself. Do you make unhuman noises? Feel a strange kin with cats or dogs? Get lethargic and irritable if you go for a long period of time without sex, or expensive coffee? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you too may be an Otherkin.

I posted the 11:11 article last night. This morning, I clicked on the Clustrmap for this site (located in the right-hand column), and was greeted with this:

Did a spiritual being with a stilted sense of humor take offense at my article? Is said being now attempting to intimidate the proprietor of this website? I think the answer to both questions is “yes.”

I would like to ensure all readers that we here at Websurdity will not be intimidated by ghosts, goblins, ghouls, spectres, vampires, werewolves or poltergeists. We demand that the beings threatening Websurdity.com cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to their place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension. We protest such attempts at astral and ethereal intimidation, and reaffirm our rights to freedom of expression on the astral plane.

Damn celesto-fascists, always trying to trample our rights.

Websurdity Link: 1111spiritualguardians.com

One might not think that there is a large group of people curious about the number 11:11. It appears on clocks twice a day per time zone – or once a day if you are on military time – like, well, clockwork. A minute later, it moves to 11:12, and the day’s 11:11 is over. Aside from the fact that clocks are programmed to display 11:11, there is apparently another reason that the numbers 11:11 are displayed after 11:10. The reason? Billions of Celestial Beings are giving a “wake-up call” to millions of people by flashing the numbers 11:11. Apparently, the flashing of 11:11 “…is becoming a major phenomenon,” ushering in a “new age of ‘Spiritual Uplift’” – which, I guess, is the equivalent of having a pair of ethereal platform shoes. So welcome to the era of spiritual disco. I hope my shoes have a ghostly goldfish in the heel.

At the beginning of the website, the author gives us a questionnaire of sorts. It’s in paragraph format, but I’ve taken the liberty of answering the questions. It’s all for spiritual growth, after all.

Q: How often have you noticed the numbers 11:11, 12:12, 10:10, 22:22, 12:34, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44 or 5:55 popping up all over the place?
A: Every day at 11:11, 12:12, 10:10, 12:34, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, and 5:55, my digital watch mysteriously reads those exact numbers! Now that I think about it, they not only show up on my watch, but also on my cell phone, on my computer and in the clock in my car. My God, it never occurred to me, but they’re everywhere…

Q: To your mind, is this a coincidence, or are they too frequent to be random?
A: They can’t be random. They show up at the exact same time every day! Something spooky going on here…

Q: Perhaps you are puzzled or amused by this phenomenon? Possibly even a little bit nervous?
A: Absolutely. Who wouldn’t be?

Q: The question everyone is asking is “What does 11:11 mean?” and “Is there a reason for this?”
A: I’ve asked myself these questions numerous times. I don’t have a good answer for what 11:11 could mean, or why it keeps showing up on my watches and clocks. For that matter, what does it mean when my boss says, “Be at work at 9 tomorrow, or you’re fired.” 9? What does that mean? Perhaps it’s the spiritual number of celestial beings who are assholes.

I can only wonder.

Websurdity Link: The Orion Zone — Anthills of Orion

A researcher who has looked into the Native Americans of the Southwestern United States has a startling theory: the Hopi Indians may have been in contact with a race of extraterrestrial ant people from the constellation Orion. Based on analysis of Hopi mythology, lexicon, and cave drawings, author Gary A. David postulates that these insecto-Americans saved the Hopi people from two great disasters, because “the former saw in the latter the genetic reflection of themselves.”

Indeed.

David’s theory also puts a new face on the Native American cave dwellings that dot some cliffs in the Southwest: rather than man-made abodes, these caves may have been anthills, into which the Hopi were invited by the kind Ant-People, who also taught them how to grow food and other skills for surviving in a subterranean ant colony. Unfortunately, David does not provide a theory as to what became of these segmented saviors, or if and when they will make a return trip to Earth.

Personally, I am not taking any chances. As Kent Brockman once said, “One thing is for certain, there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here.” I for one would like to extend my welcome to our new insect overlords, whether they come sooner or later, and would also like to join Mr. Brockman in volunteering my services to “help in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.”

An organization, or “movement,” as they preferred to be called, has proposed a novel method of ending the numerous problems that have plagued humans and other species since the beginning of time: giving up. The Volunteer Human Extinction Movement (VHEM) suggests that, rather than attempting to come up with solutions to our problems via technological research or cultural and societal changes, we should simply throw in the towel, and work towards a simpler and achievable solution to all of our problems: human extinction. Scoffing at the idea that any of our problems can actually be solved, the VHEM notes on their website that, “Almost all of today’s problems are caused by yesterday’s tecnological solutions to problems of the day. Civilization’s stairway of Babel… has a down side each step of the way.”

VHEM hopes to achieve this noble goal of complete human extinction by convincing people that having babies is wrong, evil, and the cause of the vast majority of the Earth’s problems. But for those who would attempt to label the movement as fascist baby-haters, VHEM directly disavows that notion. “VHEMT Volunteers love babies as much as anyone else,” responds their website. “’Having babies’ is not so much the problem — having adults is what’s causing the problems.” The website goes on to add, “People who envision having a baby often forget that they are creating an entirely new human being who will leave in a few years as an adult.”

If you are an adult and are reading this, perhaps you find this attitude somewhat offensive, absurd, or even ridiculous. But just think about this: from the time you woke up this morning, how many animals have you killed? How many insects have you callously stepped on? How many plants and trees have you caused to whither and die? How many holes have you poked in the O-Zone layer? If you answer zero, or “I just woke up,” chances are you are lying to yourself. I quote J. Robert Oppenheimer, the father of the atomic bomb: I am become death, destroyer of worlds. We are all become death. Every hour of every day. Face it: you are a murderer. You and everyone like you*. F*** you!

Website Link: http://www.vhemt.org

* Does not apply to people under 18

Contrary to the opening of the seminal TV series Star Trek, space is not the final frontier – nor is it the Deep Ocean or genetic engineering. Nay; the final frontier is the Earth itself, or rather, what’s inside. Though conventional wisdom says that the Earth is made up of several layers ranging from the crust at the surface of the planet down to the core at the very center, a group of maverick scientists have been pitching a theory that runs contrary to accepted science – and they are putting their money where their mouths are. On June 26th 2007, this group of scientific free-thinkers will embark on a journey to the North Pole in search of an opening in the Earth that will lead to the Inner Continent, and the fabled city of Jehu. After sightseeing in Jehu, the explorers will then take a monorail to the City of Eden and will pay a visit to the King of the Inner World. This expedition will prove once and for all that the Earth is hollow, and that its insides are teeming with lost civilizations ripe for tourist dollars. There is plenty of room left on the Russian IceBreaker Yamal, which has been commissioned for this voyage. If you have $20,000 that you absolutely must spend, don’t miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!
http://www.VoyageHollowEarth.com

* Trip Itinerary is contingent on the Earth actually being hollow. In the event that the Earth is not hollow, voyage will return to the New Siberian Islands to look at some animal skeletons and whatnot.

Alan Yu, a former Lieutenant Colonel in the Taiwanese Army, has uncovered a worldwide plot that will shock people across the globe. Be Warned! By reading this article, you are consenting to putting yourself at risk for surveillance and attacks by a worldwide army of Tiny Invisible Men. Websurdity will not be held responsible for the actions of these menacing Lilliputians.

Mr. Yu’s research has revealed that sometime after World War II, the United States and several of its allies conspired to create a worldwide “life control system” with which they can manipulate the entire world. The cornerstone technology of this system is Invisibility Technology. This technology is so advanced and dangerous that intelligence agencies around the world have conspired to keep it secret, so they can use it to destroy their enemies and control the planet. Describing the technical aspects of the technology, Mr. Yu writes, “This invisibility technology, which is created with an electromagnetic field (EMF), has some very unique characteristics. It not only renders a person carrying equipment invisible, but it also causes him to levitate (floating like an astronaut in zero gravity) and become as tiny as a small ant (the same things also happen to the equipment).” If an invisible, ant-sized man does not sound threatening, think again. Through the use of propulsion packs, these anti-sized men can fly, carry various mind control devices, and can “enter a target’s anus to damage one’s excretory system, or secretly enter one’s mouth to damage one’s tooth.” So if you thought anal probing was solely the territory of aliens – you were wrong.

Unfortunately, Mr. Yu’s extensive research has not gone unnoticed by this tiny, malevolent Army. Due to his attempt to expose them via his website and by writing letters to public officials, he has been targeted by these evil Oompa-Loompas. A letter posted on his website describes their many attempts to thwart his campaign, and warns them and their unseen brethren against any further criminal activities against him.

Note: I really debated putting this up here because this guy sounds like he may literally be mentally ill. I am sure there is a fine line between being a paranoid conspiracy theory believer and actually having a real mental illness, but his talk of invisible men trying to kill him is kind of disturbing. Since he has not updated his page since 2005, I hope he has gotten some kind of help, if he does actually have a mental illness.