Websurdity Links: Is Our Government Poisoning Our Food? (With A Purpose ?)

You may have heard of conspiracy theories surrounding events like the Apollo Moon Landing and the September 11th attacks, as well as the sinister attempts of certain shadowy government agencies to control the world. These attacks, however, pale in comparison to a much larger, yet seemingly mundane, conspiracy that is literally right under our noses. The goal of this conspiracy? The government is attempting to invade none other than… our taste buds.

According to the fine truth-seekers at ScionofZion.com, the history behind this taste bud takeover begins in the early part of the 20th century, when the Rockefellers created the “Population Control Agency.” The purpose of this agency is… well, to control the population. It wasn’t just a clever name. A major achievement of the PCA was the introduction of the “Flu Season,” ensuring that an obscure disease that very rarely made an appearance (aside from a rather minor outbreak in 1918 that barely even killed 50 million people) became a yearly phenomenon. This success has resulted in the PCA’s common nickname, “The Hallmark of Influenza.”

The evidence of this assault on good taste is everywhere. For example, have you ever seen a food label that read “Seasonings” or “Spices”? Those words are simply a cover for MSG, a chemical that will turn you into an idiot. Other dead giveaways of the chemicals that the government is putting in our food to control our minds include Aspartame aka Nutrasweet, artificial “colorings” and “flavorings”, cottonseed oil, canola oil, and – most frightening of all – yeast! So for those of you who like beer or Wonderbread, chances are your brain is already toast. The presence of these poisons in our food explains phenomena as wide-ranging as brain seizures in airline pilots who drink diet soda, Alzheimer’s disease, heart attacks in young people, strokes, and high blood pressure. Most heinous of all, the government’s attempt to intrude into our mouths has caused children everywhere, including the ScionofZion author’s own son, to prefer sweetened tapioca pudding to real, bland tapioca pudding made with goat’s milk the good old fashioned way. I say, if they want my bland, disgusting goat milk tapioca, they’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

I ask that all of you think about what you are putting in your mouth. The government has loaded your food with “chemicals” to keep you weak. Chances are you have no idea what REAL FOOD or REAL TASTE is. Every cheeseburger you have eaten has been nothing but a fat, juicy lie with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and perhaps some onions. Every ice cream cone you’ve licked has been a sweet, creamy mouthful of dishonesty. So swallow that down, and stand up for your gastronomical rights!

In addition to the main point of the ScionofZion Article, which focused on the government’s food control program, there are several other facts that the author mentions in passing, but of which you should be aware. Here is a list:

1) Gulf War Syndrome was created in a Maryland lab and deliberately injected into Soldiers’ food.

2) The current generation of young people is called “The Chemical Generation” because of their addiction to food additives. This name has become so common that at least 1 person is known to have used it, including the author of the ScionofZion.com article.

3) The government is implanting everyone with a chip, including newborn babies. This chip is designed to “eliminate” you at a certain time. It’s kind of like The Sims, only fun.

4) The government invented AIDS , and is injecting people with the virus through mandatory vaccinations. The government then even had the gall to try and blame the virus on poor, innocent monkeys, some of the most hilarious animals on Earth.

Websurdity Links: GREENSPAN JAILED AS LEO FILES FOR MANDAMUS WRIT o PAULSON ARREST UPDATE… BREAKING, MORE TO COME o Illuminati Cash “Slush Fund” Estimated At 65 Trillion Dollars o The Story Of Leo Wanta ‘The 27.5 Trillion Dollar Man’

According to qualified intelligence experts, former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan was arrested two weeks ago in connection with a scandal involving Ambassador Leo Wanta and a large amount of missing money. Greenspan, who is reportedly being held without bail, was apparently not notified of his incarceration, and continues to make public appearances, including giving a speech in New York City. Greenspan joins fellow financial expert and current Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson, who was also arrested and put in jail. Like Greenspan, Paulson was also not notified that he is in jail, and continues to brazenly appear in public places.

The back story behind these arrests and the lawsuit that caused them is one of corruption, greed, and international intrigue. The story goes like this: Leo Wanta, the former Somali Ambassador to Canada – quite a feat, since Somalia had no central government at the time he represented it — helped bankrupt the Soviet Union of over 27 trillion dollars during the 1980’s as part of a U.S. government funded operation. As part of a settlement involving that work, Wanta was awarded, and as such is demanding, his share of the prize. So how much does Wanta want?

It turns out he is owed the rather substantial sum of:

4.5 TRILLION DOLLARS!

And he almost got it. The money, all 4.5 trillion of it, was transferred by the People’s Republic of China into a single bank account at a Bank of America in Virginia in 2006. Instead of getting to its rightful owner, however, it was stolen by rogue members of the U.S. government. These officials took the money at the behest of none other than the 41st President of the United States, George H.W. Bush, who is also known to be the head of the super-secret “Nazi Continuum ‘Black’ Agency,” which is a “…covert Nazi pan-German intelligence organization.”

There is no word on what Bush, Bush Jr. and the rest of the Illuminati plan on doing with the money. However, rumor has it that they may be working on some sort of new “laser.” We can only hope and pray that this “laser” will not be used for nefarious purposes. We will keep you updated as more news becomes available.

Ambassador Wanta’s petition, the text of which you can read online, is actually a Writ of Mandamus, and names various officials in the U.S. Treasury, the head of Homeland Security, and the Attorney General.

We at Websurdity sincerely hope that Ambassador Leo Wanta gets his

4.5 TRILLION DOLLARS!

and can put all this behind him. Fair is fair, and he clearly deserves his money. We also hope he would be willing to donate some of his newfound wealth to the Websurdity Fund for the Advancement of My Personal Wealth ™ as a reward for our hard-hitting coverage of this case.

Note: I apologize for the lack of updates lately. Running the world is no easy business, and some members of the Illuminati have been going through rough times. Between trying to make sure we get another candidate into the Oval Office and trying to get this whole Iran War thing started, it’s pretty hectic. Plus, Rosie O’Donnell keeps trying to blow the lid off of our September 11th cover-up. When will celebrities learn?

That said, here’s what’s been in the news.

Polly Wants a Cracker… a Plasma TV, a Stereo, His Own Bedroom, and a Cup of Tea
A couple whose expensive parrot went missing has consulted a psychic to help find the wayward bird. Amongst startling revelations from the psychic: the bird is probably dwelling near trees! I don’t know. A bird in a tree? Sounds like a bit of a stretch to me. I’m not sure what is more bizarre, though: that this couple has called in a psychic, or that the parrot “…has his own plasma TV, stereo and bedroom back at home.” I love my dog as much as anyone, but I don’t think he’ll be getting a plasma screen any time soon. He can watch the one in the living room, dammit.
Psychic Joins Hunt for Missing Parrott

Purdue Psychic Not Even Close
A psychic sent e-mails to police after seeing visions of a missing Purdue Freshman. In her e-mails, she claimed she had visions of the missing student “…getting into a white car and being driven somewhere by someone he knew,” and that he was beaten to death. The only thing she got correct was that the student died. The student was actually killed trying to get into a dormitory to retrieve a jacket, where he was electrocuted. What’s particularly interesting is that the “psychic” started posting on the Reader Comments forum of the story, and is pretty roundly smacked around by the readers. One reader in particular caused the psychic to flip out, and ask several poignant questions including, “tell me, what right do you have to insult others in such a negative manner?” Good point, there. Insulting in a positive manner is definitely the way to go.
E-mails show psychic help offered to Purdue police

Publicity: The Strongest Psychic Magnet On the Market
It’s not surprising that the high-profile disappearance of Madeleine McCann has attracted a bevy of psychics and mediums. The police in the case are desperate, so they are looking into tips provided by the numerous psychics who have contacted them. Judging by one article, the family does not seem too enamored with this course of action. The only idea that might make sense is that the kidnapper him/herself might contact the police posing as a psychic, although even that seems pretty unlikely (that idea is slammed in one of the articles below by a Canadian detective). Until she is found, though, I’m sure we’ll hear plenty more from psychics – and invariably, the “visions” will run the gamut from “she is alive and well living in a mansion,” to “she’s dead and buried in a forest, near water.” Funny how so many psychics get “visions” about cases only when they are in the news. I guess psychic energy travels through the television.
MADELEINE: NOW PSYCHICS ARE PROBED
Madeleine police use psychic reports in hunt for girl
Psychic drawings ‘are no help’ to Madeleine family
IS MADDY SNATCHER POSING AS PSYCHIC?
‘Psychics? Try Proper Detective Work’

How to Get Scammed For Less
I love the headline. Some psychics are ‘scam artists.’ Ya think? Must be a slow news day. The article is about licensed vs. unlicensed psychics in Boston, and how to tell the difference. Might be a valid thing to know. It could the difference between being scammed out of a little money and being scammed out of a whole lot of money.
Some psychics are ’scam artists’

Move Over Jesus: It’s Don Stephens’ Time to Shine!
For the first time, we have a non-deity appearing in a tree, giving hope to the rest of us that making appearances in random objects is not just the monopoly of the divine! Don Stephens, the mayor of a small town near Chicago, passed away in April, and has now come back – in tree form! Predictably, there are skeptics out there, including one health club employee who claims that the image is of some “Jesus” guy. I’m rooting for Don Stephens, personally.
Is that Don Stephens on that tree?

I’ll Have a Virgin Mary Sandwich, With Cheese, Hold the Jesus.
This is an article about Diana Duyser and her family. For those of you who don’t know or have forgotten – and I’m assuming that’s virtually everyone on the planet – she was the woman who sold a grilled cheese sandwich with an image that people claim is of the Virgin Mary, to GoldenPalace.com for $28,000. Since then, she’s been touring with the sandwich, getting tattoos of the sandwich, and appearing in reality TV shows about the sandwich. Shockingly, public interest in two pieces of grilled bread and a slice of cheese has begun to melt away, much in the same way that a slice of cheese melts away when grilled between two pieces of bread. Yeah, that was a pretty pathetic simile. But we are talking about a $28,000 grilled cheese sandwich here.
For a while, the world was her sandwich

Osama bin Laden Found! Ohio Man Looks Him Up in Phone Book, Sells His Information to Telemarketers Around the World
An Ohio man did an Internet search for “Usama bin Laden,” and discovered that bin Laden is either hiding at Fox News, an Internet company, or somewhere in Tennessee. And the man who found him wants his 25 million. You know, we’ve been searching through mountains and caves in Afghanistan for 6 years without luck, and all we had to do was look the guy up in the phone book! Crazy world, huh? Oh, and for those of you curious as to whether or not this bounty hunter is a conspiracy theorist, here is what he has to say on the matter: “I am not a 9/11 conspiracy theorist. I just do not believe a word of the government’s 9/11 conspiracy theory,” which in conspiracy theorist-ese, translates to, “I’m a 9/11 conspiracy theorist.” Glad we could clear this whole silly mess up!
Man Claims To Have Found Osama bin Laden, Wants His $25 Million Reward

Websurdity Link: Curt offers blood money: Pitcher blogs about sock matters

According to news reports, the Curt Schilling Educational Foundation has issued a challenge: a 1 million-dollar donation charitable donation if anyone can provide conclusive proof that the bloody sock was not real.

We at Websurdity doubt the money even exists!

Websurdity Links: Orioles broadcaster calls Schilling’s bloody sock a hoax o Thorne says he was wrong about sock

Baseball fans will be familiar with Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling’s famous “bloody sock” from the 2004 American League Championship Series. An enduring symbol of the Red Sox’s first World Series victory in over 80 years, the bloody sock was the result of bleeding sutures from an ankle surgery Schilling had to undergo in order to pitch in the ALCS. The image of the bloody sock is one of the most dramatic in baseball history.

However, recent research casts doubt on this story, and whether or not the Red Sox won the World Series at all. If the sock itself was fake, what of the rest of the alleged Red Sox victory over the “Evil Empire”? What of the alleged World Series championship, supposedly the first in over 80 years? Did the Red Sox really pull off this major upset over their arch-rivals, or have we been duped?

All facts point to one thing: the Boston Red Sox did not win the 2004 World Series. They didn’t win the World Series then, they won’t win it this year, and they won’t win it in the future. The 2004 Major League season has more in common with the Major League movie franchise than the professional sports league. The only thing that was missing was Charlie Sheen and Tom Berenger. The evidence I present in my new TV special, Conspiracy Theory: Did the Red Sox Really Win the World Series shows conclusively that the 2004 American League Championship Series and World Series were filmed on a Hollywood sound stage, and includes imagery analysis and secret films that Major League Baseball doesn’t want you to see!

Below is a companion guide to the TV special, which lays out some of the basic facts surrounding this massive hoax:

1) The Boston Red Sox had not won a World Series in over 80 years, while the New York Yankees won 26. The Red Sox had won 4 American League Championship Series, while the Yankees won 39! The gigantic difference in numbers alone show that the Red Sox defeating the Yankees defies all reason and logic.

2) No Major League Baseball team had ever come back to win a playoff series after losing the first 3 games. Yet the Red Sox, again defying all odds, managed to do this against the Yankees, the team with the highest payroll in baseball. Moreover, they did it in a surprisingly dramatic fashion that could only have come from a Hollywood Script: winning the first game by coming back in the 9th inning while losing, including a dramatic, nail-biting stolen base. And, of course, there was the dramatic so-called “bloody sock.”

3) Pictures of the “bloody sock” clearly show it was staged as a prop for dramatic effect. The image, which was flashed over and over in the media, always seemed to be posed just a little too perfectly. Then, as we analyzed the photograph more closely, we spotted a mistake that could be the undoing of the entire thing: a “T” written on pitcher Curt Schilling’s shoe that doesn’t belong there. What is the significance of this? Simple: the “T” is part of a lettering technique used by prop experts to correctly stage scenes for films. Some hapless film crew probably forgot to put black tape over the letter, and accidentally let the scene air with the letter still prominent on the shoe.

4) It would have been impossible for anyone to undergo the procedure that Schilling allegedly went through, and then throw 100 pitches at 90+ miles per hour for over two hours! In Schilling’s own words, his ankle skin was “sutured down to the tissue covering the bone” in his ankle joint. Yet the Red Sox claim that he was able to throw for seven innings – giving up just 4 hits and 1 run, no less! That works in movies. Not in real life. Simple physics would have prevented him from throwing any breaking pitches, let alone a fastball moving at over 90 miles per hour.

5) The actual bloody sock from the American League Championship Series has gone missing. Curt Schilling claims to have put it in the wash and that now a Yankees employee may possess the item. If you had really just pulled off one of the most dramatic victories in baseball history and had the symbol of that victory, the bloody sock, would you put it in the washer? This is a very convenient turn of events that prevents anyone from authenticating the sock and proving whether or not the Red Sox did, in fact, win the 2004 ALCS and World Series

6) A startling number of Red Sox players from the alleged “World Series Team” mysteriously left the team shortly after the alleged championship. Star ace Pedro Martinez left the very next year, along with Dave Roberts, the player responsible for the famous “stolen base,” Orlando Cabrera, the starting shortstop, 1st baseman Doug Mientkiewicz, and pitcher Derek Lowe. Even more players left after the next year, including starting 3rd baseman Bill Mueller, 1st baseman Kevin Millar, and star center fielder Johnny Damon – who, “coincidentally,” moved to none other than the Yankees. Pitcher Keith Foulke, who threw the final pitch in the World Series, was demoted from his key role the next year, and eventually left the Red Sox just 2 years later, a shell of his former self. Indeed as of this year, only two starting fielders from the 2004 “world champions” remain with the organization. Were these players let go because they threatened to expose the hoax? Were they shipped away for not “playing ball” with the conspiracy? We can only wonder, until one of them comes forward with the truth. But the coincidence of this max exodus is too much to ignore. These players left for a reason.

7) The final ball pitched in the 2004 World Series was strangely held hostage by Doug Mientkiewicz, the player who caught it. Mientkiewicz was also part of the unexplained exodus of players from the team. Despite the fact that the final game was played in St. Louis, the Red Sox tried to claim the ball was their property, and paid an inordinate amount of attention to reclaiming that particular item. Why were they so interested in that one ball? And why was Mientkiewicz so intent on holding it? Could it be that that ball was evidence of the hoax? Was Mientkiewicz threatening to expose the whole thing?

8) An astute fan leaked this video to YouTube, which clearly shows the film crew preparing the set for filming. This activity begins at approximately 6 minutes in, when the fan begins surreptitiously filming the set. The date of this film is July 2004, just three months prior to the World Series!

9) Two known Hollywood thespians, Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon, were confirmed to be filming at Fenway Park in the summer of 2004, along with Hollywood Directors The Farrelly Brothers. They later released a movie, “Fever Pitch,” about a lifelong Red Sox Fan and his devotion to the team in spite of their losing ways. In a truly convenient twist of fate, the Red Sox won the World Series the same year — and just in time for a happy ending to be added to the film before its release! Who are they kidding?

Most Americans have heard of George W. Bush’s Axis of Evil. Though the phrase isn’t in vogue lately, his naming of Iran, Iraq, and North Korea as part of this malevolent mob has certainly had a great effect on world affairs. However, we may not be getting the full story. Indeed, it seems that President Bush deliberately omitted a fourth member of the Axis, a member that has more potential fire power than the first three combined.

Websurdity has obtained this exclusive transcript from a closed-door session of the United Nations, in which then-Secretary of State Colin Powell implores the international community to take action. Transcript of his speech is below.

Begin Transcript

This is an important day for us all as we review the situation with respect to Jupiter and its obligations to the Solar System.

Though Jupiter may seem to rank low on the list of terrorist sponsors, a military strike on the rogue planet may be the only choice, if it fails to disarm and come into compliance with the world community. The evidence against Jupiter is damning. What you will see is an accumulation of facts and disturbing patterns of behavior. The facts on Jupiter’s behavior demonstrate that this planet has made no effort–no effort—to get along with the solar system community. Indeed, the facts and Jupiter’s behavior show that it is concealing its efforts to ruthlessly dominate the rest of the solar system.

We have intelligence that connects Jupiter to the so-called “Late Heavy Bombardment,” which resulted in the planet Earth being attacked by numerous meteors and comets nearly 4 billion years ago, leaving it in a state of ruin. Clearly, it is only a matter of time before it threatens its neighbors again.

Though Jupiter claims to primarily be composed of hydrogen and helium, NASA tests have found suspicious traces of methane, ammonia, hydrogen sulphide, phosphine, and sulfur – a veritable WMD cocktail. Attempts by NASA and other space agencies to verify the presence of these chemicals on Jupiter have been met with deception, including a mysterious cloud cover across the entire planet. The last probe sent by NASA to explore its surface was crushed under the might of the planet’s atmosphere. If Jupiter is supposedly in compliance with the solar system, we have to ask: what is it hiding?

Finally, we have reason to believe that there may be a connection between Jupiter and Osama bin Laden. In 2001, President Bush declared that the United States would go after terrorists and those who harbor them. Amazingly, in spite of a massive manhunt and a multimillion-dollar award, Osama bin Laden, the mastermind behind the September 11th attacks, has still not been caught. Bin Laden, an old and frail man who is known to be on dialysis, has supposedly defied all odds and evaded the most powerful military on Earth. But there is a much more logical explanation. That explanation is Jupiter.

The fact is, Jupiter is the largest planet in the solar system – two and a half times larger than of the rest of the planets combined. Its famous Red Spot alone could consume two or three planets the size of Earth. For more than 4 billion years, by deed Jupiter has pursued an ambition to dominate this solar system, using the only means it knows: intimidation, coercion and annihilation of all those who might stand in its way. For Jupiter, its deadly size and multitude of comets and asteroids is the ultimate trump card, the one it most hold to fulfill its ambition.

We know that Jupiter is determined to keep hold of the celestial bodies under its control; that it is determined to get more. Given Jupiter’s history of aggression, given what we know of its grandiose plans, given what we know of its terrorist associations and given its determination to exact revenge on those who oppose it, should we take the risk that it will not some day use these weapons at a time and the place and in the manner of its choosing, at a time when the world is in a much weaker position to respond?

We must not shrink from whatever is ahead of us. We must not fail in our duty and our responsibility to the planets in our Solar System.

Thank you.

End Transcript

Don’t Read the Article Yet: I’m Going to Telepathically Send it to You. Let Me Know if it Works.
Good article analyzing the complete lack of evidence for telepathy. And a bright spot: at no point does it refer to telepathy or any other ideas around telepathy as “theories,” referring to them more correctly as “ideas.”
Does telepathy exist in humans?

Psychics Agree to Disagree: No Consensus On Whereabouts of Missing Person
Police investigating the case of a missing 9-11 dispatcher have received numerous tips from psychics on the whereabouts of the missing woman. The officer who takes many of the calls noted that all the psychics have a different idea of what happened and where the woman is. Maybe it’s just me but… shouldn’t psychics all see the same thing?
Team Coverage: Psychic Interest in Parker Case
Psychics offering help in missing dispatcher case

Irony, Thy Name is Sylvia
Three women in Houston were busted for ripping people off by promising to get them sessions with celebrities like TV-shrink Dr. Phil and famous psychic Sylvia Browne. So what’s funny about this story? Browne’s response, in which she says: “They tell people they’ll remove curses … or stuff like, ‘I’ll bring your husband back.’ It’s awful. They prey on them.” Then below her response, the article notes, “Browne’s own Web site offers readings with her for $750 or with her son for $450.” I couldn’t have placed it better myself.
Get real, it’s not Dr. Phil: 3 accused of offering help from him, TV psychic

White Witch Can Predict Your Future in Vague, General Terms
An interesting anecdote about a reporter who sat down with a self-proclaimed “White Witch” for a tarot card reading. The witch gave him several vague predictions, but also hit on some more specific ones, such as that he will be married within 2 years. The reporter is skeptical, and judging from the end of the article, remains skeptical. Although this particular psychic claims to have predicted everything from the 9/11 attacks to rectal tumors – and one might wonder why, if she knew 9/11 was going to happen, she didn’t bother to tell anybody about it – the best she could do with this reading was telling the reporter that he will have prostate trouble (a lot of men do), and will eventually move away. Even if the reading was free, I’d still ask for my money back.
‘White witch’ says she can help tune in your future

Psychic Doesn’t Help Much
A psychic who was called in to help find a teenager who went missing in 2004 came up with a shocking conclusion: the teenager knew her kidnapper. But, of course, there is always the chance that she didn’t. So really, not much help there.
Psychic Says Gina DeJesus Knew Her Kidnapper

Find Out Your Cat Hates Smoking for the Low Low Price of $60.00 per half hour
Another pet psychic. To speak with your cat, she will charge $60.00 for a half hour session. Man, I wish I could make $120.00 an hour for making stuff up. Heck, I may even go as low as $90 per hour. If anyone wants to pay me that salary, please write me at websurdity@websurdity.com.
“When I tune into an animal, I get a strong picture”

Stating the Obvious, Again: The Moon Landing Really Did Happen
The Armstrong Air & Space Museum in Ohio, dedicated to the first man to walk on the moon, is taking on conspiracy theorists head on with its display on the moon landings proving they really happened. Next up: an exhibit proving the Earth is round. (I do actually agree with the intent of the exhibit. It’s just a shame they have to take time to debunk such kooky claims).
Moon landing no hoax, says U.S. museum

Websurdity Links: HARRY POTTER — REALITY OR JUST FANTASY? OR BOTH?! o Harry Potter Lures Kids to Witchcraft

There is a certain popular series of books that has swept across the globe in the past several years. To avoid copyright or trademark lawsuits, I will refrain from mentioning them by name. However, it is no chamber of secrets that millions have read this infectious series, seen the movies it is based on, and poured money into the massive product machine surrounding it. Fan sites exist everywhere. It is even taught in some schools. Many good, God-loving people accept these books and permit, if not encourage, their children to read them. They even dismiss them as “fantasy” or “harmless escapism.” Unfortunately, these parents and children have been conditioned through slick marketing to believe these lies. The truth is much more sinister: this series of books is anything but harmless. They are written and designed to turn people, especially children, onto the occult and witchcraft.

The use of magic and occult is simply ubiquitous in this series. One of the main characters is described as hearing voices. He performs occult tricks such as turning inanimate objects into serpents, manipulating nature, and affecting diseases upon his adversaries. Another major character, around whom a particularly large fan club has formed, magically spikes clear, fresh water with alcohol. He is also described doing other witchcraft-influenced tricks such as levitation, and curing illnesses without the use of any known medical technology. Several characters are known to sacrifice live animals. At one point, one character even contemplates sacrificing his own son! All of these actions – curing diseases without medicine, turning things into serpents (a powerful symbol of the occult), forcing people to use mind-altering substances, ritual sacrifice — can only be explained in the context of witchcraft.

Along with its occult teachings, the pages of these books are filled with gratuitous sex and violence. Some of the “escapism” contained therein includes homosexual incest, slave ownership, mass murder, and gruesome executions. One can barely turn a page without some character getting horribly butchered. All this in books that we are allowing are children to read? Where, my dear friends, is the moral outrage?

The final point that must be addressed is the concept of all this as “fantasy.” Many fans of these books claim that the blatant, bold, and bodacious use of Witchcraft that fills these novels is not harmful; after all, it is just a story, with no basis in reality. But might these stories seem as real as real life to many young fans around the world? According to many sources, it is not uncommon for fans of the series to write letters to characters imploring them to help with a life problem, or to even hold entire conversations with them. Some people even celebrate this book series by bringing dead trees into their homes or painting eggs – all of which are blatant practices of witchcraft.

Although the series has ended and no new books are likely to be written, it seems unlikely that the books’ popularity will wane any time soon. Large fan clubs have formed around this series, and it continues to be popular among adults and children alike. More movies are not out of the question, and fans will continue to buy t-shirts, action figures, and other memorabilia, and more and more children will be indoctrinated into the ways of witchcraft. As adults, it is up to us to protect our children and expose these books for what they really are.

Harmless fantasy? I think not!

For those of you who have attempted to access Websurdity in the past several days, you may have noticed that the site was down for a long period of time. On the 28th of February, we received notice from our service provider that Websurdity was causing “technical difficulties” and they would have to bring it down until these “difficulties” could be resolved. Given our ground-breaking, hard-hitting journalism, it is no secret that we have made enemies: from the Imperial Empire, to the 11:11 Spirit Guardians to an Army of tiny, invisible men, to Kim Jong Il, Websurdity has pulled no punches in exposing the massive conspiracies and corrupt regimes that control our lives. Thankfully, we have been able to bring the site back on a guerrilla server located on a remote island near Antarctica.

Rest assured, we will continue to fight the good fight, and seek THE TRUTH, no matter where it takes us.

Websurdity Link: This article was inspired by the fine users at the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF) Forum, to whom I am indebted for the use of much of this material.

We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.

Like many citizens of the Empire, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.

Presented here are some of the results of my soul-searching regarding this painful event. Like many citizens, I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem.

Below is a summary of my book, Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack, which presents compelling evidence that we all may be the victims of a fraud of immense proportions.


Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack

1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?

6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?