Websurdity Links: John Titor Times o John Titor - Wikipedia o The Story of John Titor

Many people on the Internet are familiar with the exploits of time traveler John Titor, who traveled from the year 2036 to 1975, and made a stopoff in the year 2000 on his way back. John made several posts on Internet message boards under the handle timetravel_0, and has caused quite a stir. Titor’s mission in 1975 was to procure an IBM 5100 series computer, which his time-travel-capable military unit needed to debug software, in order to prevent a Y2K-like bug from occurring in the year 2038. Titor left his readers with numerous predictions for the coming years, including a new Civil War in America, the end of the Olympics, and finally World War III. He has not been seen or heard from since, presumably having returned to the year 2036 with the IBM computer.

As such, we were more than a little surprised when we received this e-mail a few days ago from timetravel.3@gmail.com

We did indeed get to hang out with John, and he even graciously agreed to do an on-the-record interview with us before he heads back to his own time. We present that interview in its entirety.

WS: John, it’s good to see you back again. Everyone pretty much assumed you were gone for good after not hearing from you for six years. What have you been doing, and how is it coming back to 2007?

JT: Let me tell you, it is nice to be back in 2007. First, I’d like to clarify that although I haven’t been heard from for 6 years in your time, I’ve actually returned after just 3 years in my world.

WS: So you time traveled from 2039?

JT: That’s right.

WS: As everyone knows, the last time you stopped by, you were on your way back from 1975 where you picked up an old IBM 5100 computer that was needed to solve an impending crisis. How did the mission go?

JT: Believe it or not, it turned out to be completely irrelevant. We were all worried about this Y38 thing. But while I was gone, someone got the idea to ask the same scientists who developed time travel to take a look at these old, primitive computers. And wouldn’t you know it, after solving problems of quantum mechanics and relativity, fixing a bunch of Unix-based systems from the 1980’s was a piece of cake. I’m kind of surprised we didn’t think of asking them sooner.

WS: Well, you’d think that would be a pretty obvious solution…

JT: Yeah. Damndest thing, y’know. But that’s the government for you. We all had a good laugh about it afterwards.

WS: That’s good to hear. So the Y38 thing just kind of fizzled out?

JT: Basically. I mean, there were a few glitches. Blockbuster’s entire computer system flipped back to 1901, and I had a DVD out at the time. Let me tell you, I was a little surprised when I got a bill for $250,025 in late fees! I know they’ve jacked up the prices and all but… [laughs]

WS: So what brings you back on your latest time excursion?

JT: We’re trying to find a tire jack and lug wrench.

WS: Wow. Is there a major flat tire problem in 2039?

JT: Huge. If a tire goes, we usually just leave the car by the road. There isn’t any known way of fixing it. Kind of like a horse with a broken leg. It’s getting to be a real crisis.

WS: So have you found a lug wrench and jack?

JT: Yeah. I just stopped over at Jiffy Lube.

WS: So you’re saying that there’s no Jiffy Lube in 2039.

JT: Well there is. But…

[John paused here for several minutes]

JT: Hmm. I’ll have to bring that up at our next staff meeting.

WS: Indeed. John, let me move on to another subject. You left the year 2001 after giving us some pretty harrowing predictions for the coming years. For example, you stated that “There is a civil war in the United States that starts in 2005,” and later claimed that, “The civil war in the United States will start in 2004. I would describe it as having a Waco type event every month that steadily gets worse.” Obviously, it is 2007, and there is no Civil War.

JT: Isn’t there? [pause] Isn’t there?

WS: Urr… no, there isn’t.

JT: Okay. I might have exaggerated the problem a little. Honestly, history was never my strong point.

WS: You also mentioned that the 2004 Athens Olympics would be the last official Olympics. But the 2006 Olympics happened without any problems. What happened?

JT: I’ve never been a fan of the Olympics. That was just some wishful thinking on my part.

WS: You ended your first trip to our worldline in March of 2001. Less than 6 months later, the September 11th terrorist attacks happened. Why did you warn people about events that would happen far into the future, but not mention an impending attack just a few months away?

JT: I admit that I really screwed the pooch on that one. I had made a note to myself to mention the whole thing, but I got distracted. People were asking me questions about all kinds of stuff, accusing me of being a fraud and all that. It slipped my mind. I got back to 2036 and was looking through my notes, and realized I forgot to mention it. I was kicking myself for weeks! I guess we all forget things now and then.

WS: And the Asian Tsunami and the Iraq War?

JT: The tsunami and war too, yes. I had a lot on my mind at the time.

WS: I see. On a lighter note, you were using the handle Timetravel_0 when you first started posting in 2000, but your new e-mail address is timetravel.3. Is there any significance?

JT: No, not really. I guess somebody thought it would be cute to reserve my old handle on G-mail. So I used a 3 instead of 0. And if anyone happens to know who took my handle, I’d sure like it back.

WS: Now, on your last mission to 1975, you originally traveled in a ‘67 Chevy Convertible. Would you mind sharing with us what pimped ride you’re rolling in these days?

JT: [laughs] Nothing too glamorous. We wanted to go with something inconspicuous, so we originally picked out a Gremlin. But someone tipped us off that they weren’t in vogue anymore, so we went with a 2005 Toyota Prius. Nice little car. Great gas mileage.

WS: When will you be heading back to your own time?

JT: In a couple weeks. I’m taking a quick detour to Disney World. I know it’s a bit of a cliché, but I really want to go, and I figured I’d jump on the opportunity while I have the time.

WS: There’s no Disney World in 2039?

JT: Nah. It got bought out by Wal-Mart in 2024, and now it’s “Wal-World.” The prices are cheaper, but most of the rides fall apart every couple hours.

WS: Interesting. Well, we thank you for taking the time to speak with us here. Any last words for 2007 before you take off?

JT: Nothing specific. It’s been a great trip, but I’m looking forward to going back… back to the future!

WS: Thanks again. We wish you all the best.

JT: Thank you.

Websurdity Disclaimer: The use of the phrase “back to the future” is in no way a reference to the Robert Zemeckis film franchise of the same name, nor is Websurdity in any way affiliated with said franchise.

Websurdity Links: Orioles broadcaster calls Schilling’s bloody sock a hoax o Thorne says he was wrong about sock

Baseball fans will be familiar with Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling’s famous “bloody sock” from the 2004 American League Championship Series. An enduring symbol of the Red Sox’s first World Series victory in over 80 years, the bloody sock was the result of bleeding sutures from an ankle surgery Schilling had to undergo in order to pitch in the ALCS. The image of the bloody sock is one of the most dramatic in baseball history.

However, recent research casts doubt on this story, and whether or not the Red Sox won the World Series at all. If the sock itself was fake, what of the rest of the alleged Red Sox victory over the “Evil Empire”? What of the alleged World Series championship, supposedly the first in over 80 years? Did the Red Sox really pull off this major upset over their arch-rivals, or have we been duped?

All facts point to one thing: the Boston Red Sox did not win the 2004 World Series. They didn’t win the World Series then, they won’t win it this year, and they won’t win it in the future. The 2004 Major League season has more in common with the Major League movie franchise than the professional sports league. The only thing that was missing was Charlie Sheen and Tom Berenger. The evidence I present in my new TV special, Conspiracy Theory: Did the Red Sox Really Win the World Series shows conclusively that the 2004 American League Championship Series and World Series were filmed on a Hollywood sound stage, and includes imagery analysis and secret films that Major League Baseball doesn’t want you to see!

Below is a companion guide to the TV special, which lays out some of the basic facts surrounding this massive hoax:

1) The Boston Red Sox had not won a World Series in over 80 years, while the New York Yankees won 26. The Red Sox had won 4 American League Championship Series, while the Yankees won 39! The gigantic difference in numbers alone show that the Red Sox defeating the Yankees defies all reason and logic.

2) No Major League Baseball team had ever come back to win a playoff series after losing the first 3 games. Yet the Red Sox, again defying all odds, managed to do this against the Yankees, the team with the highest payroll in baseball. Moreover, they did it in a surprisingly dramatic fashion that could only have come from a Hollywood Script: winning the first game by coming back in the 9th inning while losing, including a dramatic, nail-biting stolen base. And, of course, there was the dramatic so-called “bloody sock.”

3) Pictures of the “bloody sock” clearly show it was staged as a prop for dramatic effect. The image, which was flashed over and over in the media, always seemed to be posed just a little too perfectly. Then, as we analyzed the photograph more closely, we spotted a mistake that could be the undoing of the entire thing: a “T” written on pitcher Curt Schilling’s shoe that doesn’t belong there. What is the significance of this? Simple: the “T” is part of a lettering technique used by prop experts to correctly stage scenes for films. Some hapless film crew probably forgot to put black tape over the letter, and accidentally let the scene air with the letter still prominent on the shoe.

4) It would have been impossible for anyone to undergo the procedure that Schilling allegedly went through, and then throw 100 pitches at 90+ miles per hour for over two hours! In Schilling’s own words, his ankle skin was “sutured down to the tissue covering the bone” in his ankle joint. Yet the Red Sox claim that he was able to throw for seven innings – giving up just 4 hits and 1 run, no less! That works in movies. Not in real life. Simple physics would have prevented him from throwing any breaking pitches, let alone a fastball moving at over 90 miles per hour.

5) The actual bloody sock from the American League Championship Series has gone missing. Curt Schilling claims to have put it in the wash and that now a Yankees employee may possess the item. If you had really just pulled off one of the most dramatic victories in baseball history and had the symbol of that victory, the bloody sock, would you put it in the washer? This is a very convenient turn of events that prevents anyone from authenticating the sock and proving whether or not the Red Sox did, in fact, win the 2004 ALCS and World Series

6) A startling number of Red Sox players from the alleged “World Series Team” mysteriously left the team shortly after the alleged championship. Star ace Pedro Martinez left the very next year, along with Dave Roberts, the player responsible for the famous “stolen base,” Orlando Cabrera, the starting shortstop, 1st baseman Doug Mientkiewicz, and pitcher Derek Lowe. Even more players left after the next year, including starting 3rd baseman Bill Mueller, 1st baseman Kevin Millar, and star center fielder Johnny Damon – who, “coincidentally,” moved to none other than the Yankees. Pitcher Keith Foulke, who threw the final pitch in the World Series, was demoted from his key role the next year, and eventually left the Red Sox just 2 years later, a shell of his former self. Indeed as of this year, only two starting fielders from the 2004 “world champions” remain with the organization. Were these players let go because they threatened to expose the hoax? Were they shipped away for not “playing ball” with the conspiracy? We can only wonder, until one of them comes forward with the truth. But the coincidence of this max exodus is too much to ignore. These players left for a reason.

7) The final ball pitched in the 2004 World Series was strangely held hostage by Doug Mientkiewicz, the player who caught it. Mientkiewicz was also part of the unexplained exodus of players from the team. Despite the fact that the final game was played in St. Louis, the Red Sox tried to claim the ball was their property, and paid an inordinate amount of attention to reclaiming that particular item. Why were they so interested in that one ball? And why was Mientkiewicz so intent on holding it? Could it be that that ball was evidence of the hoax? Was Mientkiewicz threatening to expose the whole thing?

8) An astute fan leaked this video to YouTube, which clearly shows the film crew preparing the set for filming. This activity begins at approximately 6 minutes in, when the fan begins surreptitiously filming the set. The date of this film is July 2004, just three months prior to the World Series!

9) Two known Hollywood thespians, Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon, were confirmed to be filming at Fenway Park in the summer of 2004, along with Hollywood Directors The Farrelly Brothers. They later released a movie, “Fever Pitch,” about a lifelong Red Sox Fan and his devotion to the team in spite of their losing ways. In a truly convenient twist of fate, the Red Sox won the World Series the same year — and just in time for a happy ending to be added to the film before its release! Who are they kidding?

Websurdity Link: Dinosaurs: Science Or Science Fiction?

Many children grow up learning about dinosaurs in kindergarten and throughout grade school. According to accepted wisdom, dinosaurs were giant reptiles that lived hundreds of millions of years ago and were wiped out in some currently-unknown cataclysmic event. Evidence for the existence of these behemoths has consisted of thousands of skeletons, footprints, eggs, and other fossils that have been found over the past 150 years. To the untrained eye, that evidence seems pretty solid. But the fact is, aside from those scant thousands of pieces of evidence, there is very little scientific basis for belief in dinosaurs. Because of the power of the vibrant and greedy dinosaur industry and its Satanic, pro-evolution supporters, however, the theory of dinosaurs has never been taken to task for its many obvious flaws and contradictions. That is, until now.

In a hard-hitting analysis of the motives behind the dinosaur conspiracy, David Wozney has asked several painful questions about the existence of dinosaurs, and has shown that they simply could not have existed.

Wozney first takes on the alleged timeline of dinosaur discovery, pointing out the suspicious incongruity of a sequence that begins with a professor describing dinosaurs in a speech in 1842, even though the first dinosaurs weren’t discovered in North America until 1854! Isn’t it odd that the “discovery” of bones matched perfectly with a description given before the bones were even discovered? Skeptics might point out that the first dinosaur bones were discovered in England in 1677, or that a French anatomist figured out in 1818 that the large bones belonged to giant lizards, or that the first dinosaur genus was created in 1826. A skeptic may try to argue that those “facts” provide a satisfactory explanation for Wozney’s suspicion. But do those facts really explain it all away? We conducted our own objective analysis on this question, and found out that, yes, they do.

Thankfully, Wozney has more damning evidence about the dinosaur hoax. Taking aim at the dinosaur industry and the people who are allegedly discovering all of these so-called “dinosaur bones,” Wozney points out that, “Discoveries and excavations seem not to be made by disinterested people… but rather by people with vested interests, such as paleontologists, scientists, university professors, museum organization personnel, who were intentionally looking for dinosaur bones or who have studied dinosaurs previously.” His point is hard to dismiss. After all, have you ever tripped over a dinosaur bone while walking on the sidewalk? Come across a pterodactyl egg while at the beach? Probably not. Indeed, one might say that most of these alleged dinosaur bones are discovered by the very people who are searching for them! This certainly seems like an unlikely coincidence. Moreover, even when people who aren’t experts discover “dinosaur bones”, they usually “…need to be told by dinosaur experts that they are dinosaur bones.” How odd! Clearly, there is something else going on here. But what?

The answer is simple: the almighty dollar, and Satan. As Wozney says, “’Dinosaur’ bones sell for a lot of money at auctions. It is a profitable business. There is pressure on academics to publish papers. There is pressure on museums to produce displays. There is pressure on movie producers and the media to make money.” The subtle anti-religious evolution advocates, likely backed by Satan, are also playing a part: ”…motivations for the possible invention of the dinosaur include trying to prove evolution, trying to disprove or cast doubt on the Bible and the existence of God, trying to disprove the young-earth theory, and trying to disprove creationism. Of course, the devil’s ultimate goal is to cast doubt on the deity of Jesus Christ and prevent people’s eternal salvation.”

So there you have it. If we all look critically at these so-called giant lizards – and we should – dinosaurs will soon be relegated to the same level as the Loch Ness Monster, or the Apollo Moon Landings (a hoax Wozney also uncovers). As Wozney succinctly puts it, “I am unaware of any evidence or reason for absolutely believing dinosaurs ever existed. The possibility exists they may be a fabrication of nineteenth and twentieth century people possibly pursuing an evolutionary and anti-Bible and anti-Christian agenda.” As responsible adults, it is our duty to ensure our children are presented with the most factual, scientific evidence available. Should we really tell our children to believe in an idea that has so little evidence? That sure would be silly. Only the devil himself would support that.