Why blow $33,000 on psychics when you could just give it to me!
I doubt much of anyone takes psychic hotlines seriously. However, at least a few people in New Zealand enjoy the experience enough to spend $33,000 per year on talking to telephone psychics. I’d like to volunteer my services: I’ll talk to you for the low, low price of $25,000. Plus, I’ll even be up front about the fact that I am just yanking your chain.
Psychic hotline addicts spending large

Psychic leads police to sugar factory; police find suspicious white powder at the scene
A psychic called in a tip to local place claiming the body of an Idaho woman who has been missing since 2001 was in the lime pit at a closed sugar factory. They didn’t find any body, although I did hear of evidence of recent oompa loompa activity at the site. Could a new Golden Ticket contest be in the works? Let’s hope so!
Police resume search for missing girl with another psychic tip

Psychic advises couple their house isn’t cursed; just haunted by a pissed off ghost
Much to the relief of a couple of apparent celebrities that I have never heard of, a psychic told them that their bad-luck house is free from any curses. It is, however, haunted by what seems to be a pretty mean ghost. Phew, that’s a relief!
Diane Lazarus says there’s a little girl ghost haunting the place

A different King appears on a rock
The King appeared on a rock in Colorado. No, I don’t mean the King of Kings, Jesus. He’s had his day! I’m not talking about horror-writer Stephen King either. I’m referring to the King of Rock (heh heh… get it… King of ROCK! Man, that’s funny), none other than Elvis Presley himself. What could this miracle apparition mean? Is Elvis coming back? Will a new, old era of rock n’ roll dawn? One can only speculate and wonder.
Woman Rolls Over Elvis Presley Rock?

Aliens travel hundreds of light years and vandalize wheat field; Little gray men held on destruction of property, trespassing charges
A crop circle popped up in the town of Wilbur, Washington, sparking a tiny amount of controversy over whether it is a man-made prank or a strange message from ET – which I guess would be something like, “Look! We are so powerful, we can draw circles in your wheat fields, and you can’t do anything to stop us!” Sinister creatures, those aliens. A UFO Investigator visited the site and, shock of shocks, declared that it can’t be manmade, and that the crops have been “molecularly changed somehow.” The owners of the wheat field weren’t quite convinced, however, with one of them noting that, “…if there was somebody else out here, they’d have more important things to do than stomp our wheat down, espcially at five dollars and fifty cents a bushel.” You would think so. But hey, maybe this is the extraterrestrial equivalent of mailbox baseball.
Have Aliens left a crop circle calling card in Wilbur?

Roswell, New Mexico: The famed home of tacky, cheap alien crap
This is an interesting article about the booming “extraterrestrial” industry in Roswell, NM. Roswell is famous for being the crash site of a crappy weather balloon the US Air Force was testing in the 1940’s. The balloon was mistaken for a flying saucer, and the notion of Roswell as an ET town was born. The marketing, however, didn’t start in full until over half a century later, in 1992. At the risk of offending Roswellians (if I haven’t done so already), I stopped in Roswell briefly in 2003 on my way to Arizona, because my wife’s friend is a fan of the show Roswell, and, well… I’m not going to knock folks for trying to make a buck, but… they definitely take the concept of “cheesy” to an un-Earthy level. Maybe there really are aliens there.

Websurdity Links: Otherkin.com o The Otherkin Alliance

Most people have heard of creatures like werewolves, vampires, angels, faeries, and dragons, be it through popular television shows, books, or movies. These creatures were long believed to be mythical, nothing more than legends and fantasy. However, as it turns out, all of these creatures are real, and live among us.

Collectively known as “Otherkin,” this motley bunch of non-humans, counter-intuitively, doesn’t stand out from a crowd: they hold regular jobs, go to school, live in regular houses and pretty much look and act like regular humans. You might be asking yourself, how could someone hide the fact that they are a massive, green scaled reptile that breathes fire, or a heavenly creature with wings and a halo? By wearing masks? Makeup? Putting everyone in a state of mass-hypnosis with their magical powers?

The short answer to all those questions is “no.” Vampires, werewolves, angels, faeries and dragons don’t look like vampires, werewolves, faeries, and dragons. Rather, they look like regular people, because they have the physical bodies of regular people. Indeed, an angel, according to an authority on Otherkin, is a human who is born with an angelic soul. And they do have wings – but energy wings. Only other Otherkin can see them.

Similarly, there are some very slight differences between real-life dragons and the ones in popular culture and mythology. The popular image of dragons is that of giant, scaly reptiles that can breathe fire and fly. Real dragons, however, don’t have scales. Also, they don’t fly. Plus, they don’t breathe fire, and they aren’t large. And finally, they aren’t reptiles. They look remarkably like regular people. But their souls are dragons. Real dragons also “…might move in a strange way, sometimes walking on tip toe or bending their arms all the time,” or “sometimes give out unhuman sounds which will sound like utter crazyness to humans or others.” In short, dragons are great for parties.

Of all the Otherkin, the vampires are perhaps the most intriguing. There are many types of vampires, including “sanguinarian” (blood) vampires, psychic vampires, sexual vampires, emotional vampires, social vampires, and elemental vampires. Though unconfirmed, there may also be another class, the “monetary vampires.” These creatures are known for mooching money off friends and never paying them back.

The types of vampires indicate what they need to feed off of: blood, psychic energy, sex… and so on. Vampires need to consume these things to maintain their “life energy.” For example, if a “sanguinarian” doesn’t drink enough blood, he/she “…will become very sick and weak, and experience, headaches, stomach cramps, muscle cramps, irritability and lethargy.” This leads us to the final type of vampire, the “Starbucksian.” These vampires suffer the same symptoms if they fail to consume at least one $4 cup of coffee every morning. And believe me, when that happens, it’s not pretty.

With the exception of perhaps the sex vampires, which sounds like it could be fun if a little freaky, there doesn’t seem to be much advantage to being an Otherkin. You don’t get to live longer, or fly, or have superhuman strength. You don’t get to be better looking, or rich. Movies have misled us greatly with respect to these creatures, who don’t seem to have any measurable differences from regular humans. So just think next time you are in a crowd: you could be standing next to a dragon. Or an angel. Or a werewolf. And you’d never know it.

In fact, you might be one yourself. Do you make unhuman noises? Feel a strange kin with cats or dogs? Get lethargic and irritable if you go for a long period of time without sex, or expensive coffee? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you too may be an Otherkin.

Psychic Detective: Will charge $1,000 for not finding your missing relatives!
The father of a missing man in California has hired “psychic detective” Noreen Renier to help find his missing son. So far, based on tips from the psychic, police searched around the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, a park, and several other sites. Not surprisingly, not a single one of them panned out. The psychic charged the father $1,000 for her services. I wonder if he’ll get a refund if it turns out that the psychic is completely full of it. I don’t blame the father for doing everything he can to find his son; I do blame the psychic for bilking desperate people out of their hard-earned money.
Psychic brought in to help find missing man

More Psychic Detectives
An east-London television company has brought in a team of psychic mediums to try and discover what happened to a drag performer who was killed. Not much else to this story. I do like that they put “psychics” in quotations, though.
‘Psychics’ to probe drag artist’s death

Faith Healers, Psychics, and Ghosts: All Big in Britain. Or Not.
An interesting article from the UK detailing the results of a survey on people’s beliefs on the supernatural. According to the survey, 67% believe in the power of psychic mediums, 54% believe in ghosts, and 41% believe in intelligent life on another planet. I was initially surprised by these figures until I read a line at the end of the article: “The ITV2 survey was carried out to mark the return of the show Haunted Homes, which broadcasts on Friday at 10.30pm.” So a television company conducted the survey to promote their show on haunted houses and psychic mediums. The results went from surprising to… not so much.
‘Faith healers’ an option for many

Georgia Woman Continues Quest to Set the World Record for ‘Making an Ass of Oneself’
This is one of those “myth vs. truth” articles, written by Laura Mallory, the Georgia woman who is trying to get Harry Potter banned from schools. I use the word banned specifically, because the first “myth” she highlights is, “We are trying to ban Harry Potter.” She goes on to explain that they aren’t trying to ban the books; they are just trying to get them removed from school classrooms and libraries. She must have a different definition of the word “ban” than the rest of the English-speaking world. The rest of the article is just her blaming every problem in the world on the fact that we can’t pray in school.
Harry Potter Case – Myth vs. Truth

The Virgin Mary: It’s What’s for Breakfast
A devout Catholic in the UK opened up his hard-boiled egg and saw that it had two yolks, and that one of the yolks… wait for it… had the Virgin Mary! On the bright side, though, the person who found it simply sees it as a “nice coincidence,” and is not trying to sell it on E-bay or turn it into a holy shrine. See, it is possible to be religious and not believe that God is speaking to you through your breakfast food.
Virgin Mary spotted in boiled egg

Pete Townshend just got a little wackier
Rocker Pete Townshend has a psychic connection with his dogs, who also moonlight as meteorologists. “I believe my dogs talk to me. One of the dogs told me it was going to snow this week,” said the aging Who guitarist. Ironically, later in the article, Townshend apologizes for calling Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones “too old” to tour, and goes on to say, “When I do interviews I must imagine being drunk and decide to shout my mouth off for old time’s sake.” Yeah, I can kinda see that…
Pete Townshend Says His Dogs Talk To Him

Note: I apologize. The news just wasn’t very interesting this past week. Maybe that’s a good thing. But don’t worry — Halloween is coming up shortly (one of my personal favorite holidays. Seriously, I love it. Lots of fun).

Psychic Fair: Coming Soon to a Town Near You (You Should Already Know When and Where)
The Rochester Museum and Science Center in Rochester, NY hosted a “psychic fair” on October 16th where curious sucke… urr customers could buy tarot card readings, herbs, magic rocks, and all sorts of other junk. A psychic fair held in Science Center, you say? Yep. And if you get bored doing that, there’s a Clown College down the road at the Depression Treatment Clinic. Room 102.
Answers sought at psychic fair

Down With Ritual Murder Healings
A large group of traditional healers in South Africa conducted sacrifices and appealed to their ancestors to stop traditional healers from conducting ritual murders to acquire body parts for use in their healing activities. There doesn’t appear to have been a counter-protest.
Traditional Healers Oppose Ritual Murders

Ghosts with Potty-Mouths
On October 5th, two members of a ghost hunting team in Utah presented “Ghost Hunting 101” at the local library. Among highlights of cases they covered was an exploration of an old mine, in which on their tape recorder, they picked up “…someone in the background using the same profane word repeatedly, although they were the only ones there.” So there you have it. Not only did they get to hear a ghost, they got a ghost to curse at them over and over. That’s probably a pretty good indicator that you should leave. For those interested, the class is continuing throughout the month of October. See the article for the schedule and sign-up times.
Expert gives hints for a ghost hunt

The Curse of the Cardinals?
After Monday night’s excruciatingly painful loss to the Chicago Bears, some people are looking to new explanations for the perennial ineptitude of the Arizona Cardinals. The Cardinals managed to overcome a 20-3 lead, a 23-10 lead, and 6 Chicago turnovers to add another number to the Loss column. A local TV station claims that in 1988, a Native American Shaman got pissed off when his tickets were sold to someone else, and put a curse on the team. As far as team curses go, this one is pretty so-so, and I don’t see it catching on like the Cubs’ goat, or the (former) Curse of the Bambino. But I guess when the organization itself is as bland as the Cardinals, we shouldn’t expect too much on the paranormal front either. I’ve gotta come clean here: I was going to include the Cardinals in my News roll-up this week anyway. It was just by chance that I happened to come across this article on the curse. The loss was silly enough by itself.
Are the Arizona Cardinals Cursed?

When There’s Somethin’ Weird, in the Neighborhood… Who Ya Gonna Call? Granite State Paranormal Investigations. Obviously.
An all-volunteer organization in New Hampshire provides paranormal investigation services. This is a short interview with their director, where he discusses some of their cases. On the bright side, according to their website, they never charge for their services. I guess getting to go through a stranger’s house with cameras and tape recorders is a reward in and of itself.
Volunteer Ghostbusters on Call

Results of the Michigan State Game: Evolution 6,657,472,189, Intelligent Design 0
We’ll end with some good news. The Michigan State Board of Education made it clear that evolution should be taught in science classes, and removed language questioning the validity of the theory. While not banning intelligent design in science classes, the state did not endorse it as a valid scientific theory. Kudos to the State of Michigan for coming around and understanding that science ought to be taught in science classes. That might seem obvious, but it is surprisingly hard to get across to a lot of people.
Michigan Schools Must Teach Evolution, State Board Says It’s Science

Vampires: Myth, or… Teenagers With Too Much Time on Their Hands?
From the Daily Reveille, the school newspaper for Louisiana State University, comes this article about the vampire subculture (which, believe me, will get an article at some point in the future). The article has interviews with a couple of “vampires,” a teenage male who enjoys drinking his own blood, and a female who is a “psychic vampire” who feeds off “psychic energy” by going to clubs and having sex with other members of her vampire coven. That’s a pretty ingenious way of getting laid. Wish I’d thought of forming a “psychic vampire coven” when I was in High School for the purposes of sexual favors. The group is for psychic vampires, so you don’t actually have to drink any blood. And it probably wouldn’t cost any money. Pretty good racket, there. The guy who actually drinks his own blood says that he drinks about a shot glass full of blood at a time, and that it makes him feel “energized” – which is probably another way of saying “really light-headed from draining a shot glass worth of blood from his body.” As an added financial bonus, if you do this while drinking alcohol, you can save money. Nothing tastes better than recycled booze. Yum.
Interview with a Vampire

Alien Abduction Compensation: Are You Eligible?
Ever hear the joke about the lawyer up to his neck in cement? Along that line of thought, not content with the already low public opinion of advocates, German lawyer Jens Lorek is doing his best to set the bar even lower. His gimmick: pursuing compensation claims for people who claim to have been abducted by aliens. According to the article, in Germany, the state will pay compensation to kidnap victims. I am sure the German lawmakers who created that program were thinking more along the lines of terrestrial kidnappings – and also, you know, kidnappings that actually happened — but hey, an abduction is an abduction. From the sounds of it, Lorek hasn’t yet built a client base, but he seems to be working on it. On the bright side, it is good to see that both alien probes and ridiculous abuses of the legal system are not solely the territory of the United States.
Abducted by aliens? Call now for compensation

Ancient Mayan Prophecies: Myth, or Stuff People Made Up Hundreds of Years Ago to Explain Stuff They Didn’t Understand?
A question to ponder: Are Ancient Mayan Prophecies myth, or reality? Wait, I got it. Myth. Wow, that was easy. There has been all kinds of talk on the Internet about the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012, ancient Mayan prophecies, and all kinds of other silliness. Like many civilizations, the Mayans created myths to explain aspects of the world that they didn’t fully understand. The great thing about living right now, in 2006, is that we understand a whole lot more about the universe than we did when the Mayan civilization was at its peak. But, the Big Bang and supernovas are just not nearly as sexy as ancient prophecies and mystical mumbo jumbo! Plus, doing real science takes a lot of work. You have to at least go to college – and usually graduate school as well. That’s expensive. Plus, you have to learn calculus, and conduct experiments, many of which are extremely tedious and take years to complete, and which may not even succeed. When they do succeed, they get peer-reviewed before they are truly validated. Personally, I think scientists are nuts. Interpreting ancient prophecies is where it’s at these days.
The Seven Mayan Prophecies: Message of awareness and hope

Vodka: The Extraterrestrial Drink of Choice
Sure, we’ve got pedophile Congressmen, drunk Senators and enough dirty money going through Congress to fund a small country, but there is one thing we haven’t had to worry about, yet: rides on extraterrestrial spaceships. I guess our extraterrestrial brethren don’t want to mess with the U.S. Congress, and are content with abducting the leaders of small Russian republics. The majority of the article below is about chess, so I will just quote the good part here. Detailing some of the problems he has faced since being elected the leader of the Russian republic of Kalmykia, Kirsan Ilyumzhinov notes that, among other issues:

“…there is the danger of alien abduction: He said he already has been forced to make one trip on a UFO — in 1997 when he was on a business trip to Moscow. `They took me from my apartment, and we went aboard their ship,” he said during a recent interview at his office in Kalmykia’s capital. “We flew to some kind of star. They put a spacesuit on me, told me many things, and showed me around.”

We can only imagine what kinds of things they told him. I wonder who you have to pay off to go on an extraterrestrial junket. I’m guessing aliens have a taste for vodka.
Flamboyant leader’s chess gambit puts Kalmykia on map

Harry Potter: Fiction, Or… Evil International Witch Conspiracy?
Yet another attempt to ban Harry Potter, this time from a housewife in Georgia, because she believes that Harry Potter is “an ‘evil’ attempt to indoctrinate children in the Wicca religion.” I really hope this woman finds a better cause to make a fuss about. Personally, I think she should focus on Spiderman. Do we really want to teach children that playing with poisonous arachnids can give a person super powers? How many children have died from spider bites after watching the Spiderman movies?

I don’t personally have an answer to that, but I bet it’s a lot.
Georgia mom seeks ban on Harry Potter