We haven’t seen much of our good friend and Dear Leader Kim Jong Il in the news lately. However, word has it that with 24 million dollars stuck in a bank in Macau, Kim has been strapped for cash. An anonymous source sent us this photograph from a North Korean mail order catalog, depicting this great new product. That’s right, it’s Kim Jong Il: in troll form! We understand that these are limited edition, so if you want one of these babies, you’ll have to order now, while supplies last!

Kim Jong Il: Courageous founder of the Juche idea, Dear Leader of the North Korean people, and… Tom Brady super-fan? This seems to be the case. A reader tipped us off to the Dear Leader’s apparent affinity for the quarterback of the NFL’s New England Patriots, and we managed to dig up this photo that seems to confirm that he is one of the many members of the star athlete’s fan club. We can’t blame Kim for this one: 2-time Super Bowl MVP, former beau of Bridget Moynahan, guest at the President’s State of the Union Address, cover boy for GQ and Sports Illustrated — what’s not to like?

Websurdity is dedicated to providing the world with as much information as possible about this unique individual. If you have seen Kim Jong Il in a film, at a concert, at the circus, or anywhere else out and about in the world, e-mail us at kimjongilsighting@websurdity.com. We will investigate the claim thoroughly and post whatever information we find.

Kim Jong Il is one of the world’s most elusive and reclusive leaders, but we figure he must take time to get out of the country. We have already covered, in our review of his biography, his love of film and art. Thus, it should come as no surprise that it appears Kim has at least one more film credit on his resume.

Here is this seemingly ordinary scene from The Return of the Jedi.

But when you zoom in a little closer…

Websurdity is dedicated to providing the world with as much information as possible about this unique individual. If you have seen Kim Jong Il in a film, at a concert, at the circus, or anywhere else out and about in the world, e-mail us at kimjongilsighting@websurdity.com. We will investigate the claim thoroughly and post whatever information we find.

In celebration of North Korea (allegedly) joining the nuclear club, Websurdity is presenting a multi-part feature on the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK), the last bastion of anti-Imperialist juche songun ideology on Earth. Below is part 4: The True History of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. This will be the last part for the time being, but not necessarily the final part. There may be more DPRK goodness on the way in the future. Also see Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

The most authoritative and accurate account of the history of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea can be found on their website, which is linked at the bottom of this page. The DPRK account smashes many of the ultra-right revisionist Imperialistic Yankee myths and lies about North Korea, and tells the true story of the glorious history of the Korean people.

The history of the DPRK can be traced back to Juche 1, the birth of the Great Leader Kim Il Sung. Kim Il Sung was the son of a poor peasant family with a legacy of anti-Japanese and anti-Imperialist revolutionaries. Early in life, the Great leader displayed “excellent intelligence, steel courage, and open behavior” – all noble patriotic and revolutionary qualities. “Open behavior” in particular, is a point that is often left out of revisionist accounts of the Great Leader’s life.

While developing the anti-Japanese “Union to Defeat Imperialism,” The Great Leader developed the history-changing, revolutionary Juche Idea. Kim Il Sung understood the intelligence and power of the “peoples masses,” and believed that the key to Korean Revolution was in hardening and extending the revolution, and penetrating those “peoples masses” – undoubtedly greatly aided by his penchant for open behavior. Comrade Kim Il Sung first presented his Juche Idea to the people in 1930. Juche became a runaway hit, and spawned many sequels and spinoffs, and propelled The Great Leader to Stardom.

Throughout the 1930’s, The Great Leader won victory after victory against the Imperialist Japanese forces, operating from his secret lair on the slopes of Mount Paektu. Also, in 1930, World War II began. This came as a great surprise to the rest of the world, who did not realize it until 9 years later (7 in the case of Japan). By 1945, when the war ended, all of Korea was ready for revolution, and the final liberation of the motherland. With the help of the Soviet Union, which was active in the war against the Japanese, Korea was liberated on August 15, 1945. “The Great Leader, the sun of the nation, returned triumphal to the motherland, where he was greeted with love and hoorays.”

In February of 1947, the first elections were held in North Korea. “All the Korean people, without exception, elected the Great Leader Kim Il Sung as the President,” making him the first leader in history to receive 100% of the vote. Fake elections were held in South Korea backed by the U.S. Capitalist Stooge, the United Nations. These elections were proved to be the tool of the Imperialists by the fact that very few people voted for Kim Il Sung.

In 1949, the U.S. Imperialists finished their diabolical plan for aggression against the peaceful Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea, by arming the puppet South Korean Army. In 1950, the Imperialist puppets destroyed the peace and attempted to invade North Korea in order to make Korea an American colony. Heroically, the Korean People’s Army counterattacked and liberated over 95% of Korea. By September of 1950, “the situation was very hard.” The U.S. and other satellite country lackeys introduced new barbaric weapons to the war, and invaded to the northern part of the DPRK. Unfazed, the heroic Great Leader ordered an offensive, in which he liberated the entire DPRK. Also, some Chinese soldiers helped out. A little.

By 1952, the war was focused completely on parallel 38. On the 27th of July, 1953, “the Imperialist Yankees finally were forced to kneel down in front of the Korean people and the invincible Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.” The humiliated Yankee flunkeys claim just 50,000 losses in this war, but the actual number of Soldiers of Imperialism killed by the Korean People’s Army was over 405,000, and may be as high as a bajillion.

In spite of the horrific destruction wrought upon the peaceful people of the DPRK during the war of liberation, North Korea has astonished the world with its many amazing strides since resisting the attempted colonization by the Imperialist Yankees. The nation is “united like a single man,” under the teachings of the Great Leader and the firm guidance of the Dear Leader. Today’s North Korea is a socialist paradise where all the people have a life with dignity, without poverty and more than ever demonstrate the invincibility and union of the masses around the leader.”

Website Links:
History: Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK Official Web Page)

In celebration of North Korea (allegedly) joining the nuclear club, Websurdity is presenting a multi-part feature on the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK), the last bastion of anti-Imperialist juche songun ideology on Earth. Below is part 3: A Websurdity Manifesto on Juche, the State Ideology of North Korea, in the great tradition of the works of Kim Il Sung, and Kim Jong Il. Also see part 1. Part 2.

Juche is easily the single most important concept in the history of Korea — and indeed, perhaps in the history of the world. Juche (pronounced “joo-chay.” Not “douche,” or “juice.”), is the state ideology of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, and may someday be the ideology of the world. As a revolutionary concept developed by the Great Leader, Kim Il Sung, Juche is unmatched worldwide as a philosophy, political system, religion, economic model, and sexual manual. Juche is the light shining in the darkness of Yankee Imperialism and greed, and is a blueprint to make revolution against revisionist flunkeyism and capitalist American stooges across the globe.

Juche is not an easy word to define, especially to reckless philistine capitalist reactionaries, such as yourself. Many people define it as as “self-reliance.” Although this is partially correct, in a larger sense, Juche cannot be summed up by that one simple phrase. It is a much broader, deeper, and more important concept than that, and can only be truly understood by Koreans who have read and understood the brilliant works of the Dear Leader and the Great Leader, and who have accepted the greatness of Juche in all its facets.

Juche, as it exists in theory and in practice, can be better defined as “whatever Kim Jong Il is doing at any given time.” For example, if Kim Jong Il buys a new Mercedes, that is Juche. If the Dear Leader has you put in a re-education camp where your toenails are pulled out, that is also juche. If Comrade Kim has wild group sex with four aardvarks, an armadillo, and a platypus while playing the violin and eating a Tootsie Pop, that is the very epitome of Juche. This is a deep concept that is hard for politically illiterate hooligans outside of the DPRK to understand, but it is one that has led to victory after victory over the Imperialist U.S. bourgeois lackeys, and has glorified the Great Leader and the Dear Leader in everything they have done.

Juche is a deep revolutionary concept that will truly reform the world into a working class paradise, under the eternal guidance of the Great Leader, and the guiding hand of the Dear Leader. There has been no concept so important in the development of mankind as Juche. Juche is so important a concept that the DPRK has reworked their entire timekeeping system to begin at the start of Juche – the birth of the Great Leader. Thus, while capitalist roaders call the current year 2006, the DPRK understands that we should more accurately refer to the present as “Juche 95.” Although North Korea is the only country so modern as to change their calendar to reflect the miracle that Juche has brought to the world, it remains confident that before long, across the globe, every day will be Juche Day. The government of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea encourages you to work towards a Juche-oriented world by changing your calendar to Juche. Some people might find it odd, but they are just ultra-rightist political dwarfs who will fall by the wayside of history. Remember how much money and how many resources the sycophantic renegades across the globe spent on the so-called Y2K crisis? In the DPRK, thanks to the wisdom of Juche calendar, there was no crisis. That, and because there aren’t any computers. But it was mostly because of Juche.

As you can see, Juche’s light continues to shine across the world from its home in North Korea, the beacon for the Juche Idea (the actual beacon is shut down at 11 every evening due to lack of electricity). If you too would like to become a beacon of Juche in your own country, we have provided further links below to help you in your study of this brilliant theory which is sure to revolutionize the history of the world.

Website Links:
The Juche Idea Study Group of England

International Institute of the Juche Idea

On the Juche Idea by Kim Jong Il

Wikipedia: Juche

In celebration of North Korea (allegedly) joining the nuclear club, Websurdity is presenting a multi-part feature on the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK), the last bastion of anti-Imperialist juche songun ideology on Earth. Below is part 2: A guide to traveling in North Korea. Also see Part 1.

If you are looking for a wonderful vacation away from the hardships of Western civilization, look no further than the famed stronghold of Songun Juche Socialism, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea! Whether you are climbing the magical slopes of Mount Kumgang, at the DMZ learning about the great North Korean victory over the United States, or driving down the wide streets of Pyongyang in a 1960’s Volkswagen truck, North Korea is sure to wow you with its old-school communist style and charm!

In order to help relieve weary Imperialism-tainted travelers of all evil flunkeyist Yankee corruption, North Korea has a set of strict rules that all visitors must follow. Though these may seem strange to people making their first visit to the DPRK, be confident that they are designed to best instill the noble Juche ideal and reverence for the Dear Leader in all guests to the DPRK. North Korea is a very flexible country, as you can see, but like all nations it has laws. It would be impossible to go over all of them here, but below are 10 important ones to keep in mind. Violation of any of these may result in a fine, confiscation of your goods, or you being detained and berated for a long period of time:

1) North Korea has an extensive list of items that you may not bring into the country. There are over 323,234 specifically prohibited items. Make sure you memorize that list.

2) All photos of the Great Leader, Kim Il Sung, or the Dear Leader, Kim Jong Il, must be flattering to them. Blurry or cut-off photos are so illegal, it’s not even funny.

3) No smiling, laughing, grinning, chuckling, chortling, giggling, or smirking. Actually, I would avoid expressions of joy altogether.

4) No giving food to your tour guide, North Korean guards, soldiers, or citizens.

5) If you visit the zoo, do feel free to feed the bears.

6) No singing, except songs that express your undying love and devotion to the Dear Leader.

7) No making fun of the Dear Leader’s weight, height, or hair. He is very sensitive about that. In fact, it’s probably best not to make fun of him at all.

8) No tampering with the hidden cameras, wire taps or listening devices in your hotel room. They are there for a reason, people.

9) They are low on toilet paper. Please conserve it.

10) Finally, praising the Great Leader, the Dear Leader, or Juche and Songun Politics is not only allowed, but is highly encouraged. As a free, democratic country, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea respects your right to honor and cherish their beloved leaders and their brilliant accomplishments.

Traveling to North Korea will be unlike anything you have ever experienced. Along with the above regulations, there are several cultural differences you must be aware of. First, you may notice that there are very few North Koreans in North Korea. This is because you visited during a major holiday, and they are on vacation. Second, you may notice that there are very few cars on the streets. They are in the shop, and will be fixed shortly after you leave. Third, you may notice many photos of Kim Jong Il and Kim Il Sung. It took them a long time to hang all those up, so please don’t take them as souvenirs. You can buy some at the gift shop before you leave.

It would obviously be impossible to cover every facet of this dynamic country in such a short article. But we hope, in this limited space we have, that we were able to provide you with a good starting point for making a trip to North Korea. So bon voyage, and enjoy your time in the world’s last true Socialist Utopian Paradise!!

Website Links:
- The Mt. Kumgang Tour Website operated by Hyundai Asan (In Korean)
- Koryo Tours, a UK-based company that organizes tours to North Korea
- An absolutely incredible photo collection from a Russian guy who went to North Korea. Many photos you will not see anywhere else. Photos on pages 1 and 2.

In celebration of North Korea (allegedly) joining the nuclear club, Websurdity is presenting a multi-part feature on the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK), the last bastion of anti-Imperialist juche songun ideology on Earth. Below is part 1: A review of Kim Jong Il — A Brief History, the official biography of North Korea’s Dear Leader.

To begin our Websurdity Feature on the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK), we will start with a review of the biography of the man himself: The Dear Leader, Kim Jong Il. The most authoritative and accurate account of Mr. Kim’s life is provided for free by the benevolent government of North Korea on their website. A link is provided at the bottom of this review, for your convenience. The biography, entitled Kim Jong Il – A Brief History, covers the Dear Leader’s life from his birth to 1998, when the book was published. From the beginning, this biography smashes many of the imperialist U.S. flunkeyist myths that were created about the Dear Leader, and tells the truth about the great accomplishments of this brilliant man. For example, many U.S. imperialist pig-dogs bent on emasculating the socialist system claim that Kim Jong Il was born in the Soviet Union on February 16, 1941. A Brief History smashes this lie once and for all. Kim Jong Il was, in fact, born on February 16, 1942, on the slopes of Mount Paektu in North Korea. This biography covers his many other accomplishments, including the battles he personally commanded during the Great Fatherland Liberation War (known to the Yankee bastards as “The Korean War”).

The Dear Leader also has many incredible achievements in every other conceivable subject. In literature, for example, Comrade Kim Jong Il became world-famous for writing several important manifestos, unmatched in both content and in the brevity and creativity of their titles. Some of his best known works include, Let Us Exalt the Brilliance of Comrade Kim Il Sung’s Idea on the Youth Movement and the Achievements Made Under His Leadership, in which the Dear Leader exalts the brilliance of comrade Kim Il Sung’s idea on the youth movement and the achievements made under his leadership, and Let us Prepare the Young People Thoroughly as Reliable Successors to the Revolutionary Cause of Juche, in which the Dear Leader discusses preparing the young people thoroughly as reliable successors to the revolutionary cause of Juche. In science and technology, he provided on-the-spot training at numerous sites throughout his 30 year career in politics, drastically improving industrial production, agricultural techniques, and all other manners of economic activity, leading North Korea to become a world leader in several fields, including gulag development, brain washing, and food rationing. As a tireless advocate for the cause of Juche, Comrade Kim invented Songun Politics, or “military-first” politics, in which he heroically diverts all food and money from his starving population to the military. This led Kim himself to coin the inspirational revolutionary slogan, “Let’s Eat One Meal a Day!” which became a rallying cry for all defenders of the juche ideal, and which won him the respect and love of Koreans everywhere.

For a softer side of the Dear Leader, one only has to look at his work in film and the arts. Comrade Kim has been instrumental in the thriving North Korean film industry, having written several books and pamphlets on the subject of film, and having directed several revolutionary Juche-oriented films himself. Kim’s films have won international acclaim as brilliant works of Socialist Juche Anti-Imperialist Revolution. South Korean actress Choi En-Hui has appeared in several of his films, after voluntarily tying herself up and smuggling herself into the DPRK to make films for the Dear Leader. One point that the biography leaves out, but which is of particular note to his fans, is that Kim has also expressed interest in acting, and has made appearances in several films. If you look closely at the picture to the right, you can see a young Kim Jong Il making an appearance in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, as one of the original Oompa Loompas. Kim’s breakout role came in 2004, when he appeared as himself in the smash hit Team America: World Police. He also produced and recorded the hit revolutionary song “I’m So Ronery,” which exemplifies his single-minded fight for the Juche Ideal.

All in all, Kim Jong Il – A Brief History is a fabulous look at this dynamic socialist revolutionary. Though 160 pages may not seem brief to some, given the unparalleled accomplishments of Comrade Kim, it is truly an achievement that they could fit so many into such a brief book. Though several books have been written purporting to be biographies of the Dear Leader, A Brief History is the only one personally approved by the man himself. This is a must read for all Anti-Imperialist Juche Revolutionaries who wish to advance the causes of Songun Politics and smashing revisionist flunkeyism everywhere. If you have not read it yet, please do so. Only then will you fully appreciate the light that Juche and Songun has brought to the darkness of the world. Though he stands just 5 feet and 3 inches tall (6 feet including his hair and platform shoes), Kim Jong Il is truly a giant among men.

Download Kim Jong-Il — A Brief History at the following link: http://www.korea-dpr.com/articles-ng/biography-kimjongil.htm